h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

or martha stewart for that matter

A man went into his psychiatrist's office and said, "Doc, you have
got to help me!"

"What seems to be the problem?" responded the doctor.

"Well, every night I dream that I'm a sports car. The other night I
dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I was an Alfa
Romeo. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"

The doctor gave the matter some serious thought as his patient waited
anxiously for the doctor's determination...

"Relax," said the doctor, "You're just having an auto-body
experience."

Good ol' Steve and Eydie. I wonder what they're doing now?

Took some googling, but they're apparently still performing - dueting an occasional concert.

never mind steve and eydie, whatever became of flo and eddie?

Maybe they drifted out to sea.

Flo and Eddie are still around.......they are The Turtles.

are you sure? i knew they *used* to be, but...

You're certainly enturtled to ask that question.

An old rope and a young rope go into a bar to get a drink.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve drinks to ropes."

So the two ropes leave.

The old rope ties himself into a knot and goes back into the bar.

The bartender says, "Are you a rope?"

"I'm a frayed knot," says the old rope.

hmmm, very stringent

A head start on St. Patrick's Day:

Patrick O'Reilly was lucky. Since the day he had found that four leaf
clover, everything good seemed to come his way. He had met the
wonderful Rosie, and after a whirlwind romance, they were married.
And now, a year later, he was the proud father of beautiful twins, a
boy and a girl.

At work, the story was the same. He had been promoted and had
received a substantial raise, and now the firm had come up with a
profit sharing plan.

Patty was certain his good fortune was due to his 4-leaf clover.
Everywhere he went, he was certain to be carrying the talisman in his
suit pocket.

One morning Patty could not find the clover...

He searched the house, but it was not there. In panic, he tried to
recall when he had last seen it. He finally recalled it was in his
gray suit that he had dropped off at the dry cleaners.

He rushed to the cleaners only to find that the work had been
completed and his suit was ready to be picked up. He searched the
suit and found the 4-leaf clover, still in one piece but now
flattened from the dry cleaning.

From that day on, Patty's fortunes changed. Life was good but was no
longer perfect. The little inconveniences were always there...

He had a flat tire as he was driving to an important meeting.

The twins developed measles when his boss and his wife were over for
dinner.

No, Patty's life had changed. He still carried the amulet, but he was
certainly not living under the silver lining he was used to and had
come to expect.

Finally, he had had enough. He visited the parish priest to see if he
could help him understand what had happened.

"This certainly was to be expected," he was told. "You should have
known -- one should never press one's luck."

depressing...

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St.
Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The
excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler.

He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future
husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "Why did you
give me a synthetic diamond?"

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham
rock!"

I think his relationship is on the rocks.

Yeah, it's in shambles

the shambles are not irish, santra. it's a famous street in york