h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why did Paul Bunyan only date beer-drinking women?

Because he wanted to be sure that they loved lagers.

Beern there, done that, got the tea- shirt.

>> A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a
>> famous weather man named
>> Rudolf.
>> He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his
>> forecasts of the Russian
>> weather conditions. His people loved him and
>> respected him for his faultless
>> foresight. He was particularly good at predicting
>> rain. One night, despite
>> clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm
>> news broadcast that a
>> violent storm was approaching. It would flood the
>> town in which he and his
>> wife lived. He warned the people to take proper
>> precautions and prepare for
>> the worst. After he arrived home later that evening,
>> his wife met him at the
>> door and started arguing with him that his weather
>> prediction was the most
>> ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she
>> said, he had made a
>> terrible mistake. There wasn't a cloud anywhere
>> within 10 miles of the
>> village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the
>> most beautiful day that
>> the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to
>> everyone that it simply
>> wasn't going to rain.
>> He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him.
>> If he said it was going
>> to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his
>> Russian heritage behind him
>> and he knew what he was talking about. She argued
>> that although he came from
>> a proud heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.
>> They argued back and forth for hours, so much that
>> they went to bed mad at
>> each other. During the night, sure enough one of the
>> worst rainstorms hit
>> the village the likes of which they had never seen.
>> That morning when Rudolf
>> and his wife arose, they looked out the window and
>> saw all the water that
>> had fallen that night. "See," said Rudolf, "I told
>> you it was going to
>> rain." His wife admitted: "Once again your
>> prediction came true. But I want
>> to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?"
>> To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows
>> rain dear!"
>>

I don't know weather I should groan at that one or not.
Dew you think I should?
Should I hail Stagehand as a great punster?
Did he come up with that one through sleet-of-hand?
There's snow use denying that he told that one pretty well.

A man went to a costume party with a girl on his back. "What are you
supposed to be?" the host asked. "I'm a snail," the man replied. The
host raised his eyebrows. "How can you be a snail when all you've got
is that girl on your back?" "That's not a girl," the man replied.
"That's Michelle."

Demi Moore was dumped by her husband because she lost too much weight.
This made her a Demi-toss.

It is worth noting that that one about Rudolph the red has been told by the guy who presents countdown.

It's been around in one form or another for a long time.

That jokes is enjoying a rainescance lately.

Weather or not it is merited is another matter.

Chances are, it is merited. Otherwise, Rudolph would be a red-faced reindeer.

wha'? like a raindeer with a sun tan?

Did you hear about the surgeon who operated on a patient who had a
hopelessly gangrenous leg?

The surgeon, unfortunately, amputated the patient's healthy leg,
instead.

Naturally, the patient sued...

Years of appeals came and went...

Finally, the state's Supreme Court suggested the patient simply drop
the suit.

The man asked the judge why he should do such a thing.

The judge told him he "didn't have a leg to stand on".

Walked right into *that* one...

Well, it's a good thing the judge put his foot down.

He could have just been taking it on the shin.

Still, it would have been fun to watch the two sides going toe-to-toe.

It could have been a long-running case.

Might have even gotten a foot-hold in the top news stories.

The plaintiff might have been torn limb from limb under cross-examination, though.

By an arch rival, no doubt.

I'd be tendon to agree with you on that, Lady S.