h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But, Nemo said it was only sea-weed..?

Wale seal about that!

LEt's try to stay current.

Once upon a time, there were 2 brothers, Simon and Garth Brown. They had a dog called Walter, and they loved to take the dog Walter to their Uncle Charlie's mansion at the edge of town.
But one day, as they arrived at the mansion, they were suprised to find that the gates were locked and they couldn't get in. Fortunately, just then, Uncle Charlie's tall chauffeur appeared at the mansion door and began walking toward the trio at the gates.
However, the dog Walter took a sudden dislike to the tall chauffeur, and began barking and growling, making a huge noise. Neighbours leaned out of the windows of their mansions (the dog really was making a lot of noise) and asked what the hubbub was, and one of the neighbours replied:

"Simon and Garth's uncle's big chauffeur's troubled Walter."

Top selling cookbook in Korea... 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog.


Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


A man has been feeling really bad for about 3 weeks and goes to see his doctor. The doctor tells him, "I don't know what you've got but it could be serious so I'm sending you to the Rare Disease Specialist." The man went to the specialist who told the man, "You have this rare illness that occurs only once every ten years or so. The only cure is made in Australia in a little town called Mercey, about 400 miles from Sydney. Otherwise you have only one week to live." The man took the first flight he could to Sydney, rented a car and drove to Mercey, Australia. When he got there he found it was a town with a population of one. The man walked up to the one house in the village and an old doctor answered. "You have to help me!" said the man, "I'm dying of this rare illness and I have only 4 days to live" The old man invited him in and said, "I must give you my special Koala Bear Tea. It is the only thing that will cure you." The old man went out to get the supplies. One koala, a few birds, platapus placentas and such. The doctor boiled them together and gave them to the man with bones and feathers and dirt swirling throughout. The young man looked at it disgustingly and asked if it could be strained. The old doctor looked horrified and said, "Oh No. The Koala Tea of Mercey is never strained"


A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you! The sailor began to pick up the broom and commence performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returns. When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor. "What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief. "Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"


Sitting Bull had 3 wives who were always quarreling about who should be number one. One was pretty, one was clever and one was very strong. Finally, tired of their squabbles he told his medicine man to resolve the issue. The medicine man took the wives to his teepee where he had gathered pelts and hides from all over the world. He told each wife to choose a hide and sit on it in front of the sacred campfire. The clever wife chose a pelt of thick white fur, the strong wife chose a hide of orange and black stripes and the pretty wife chose a hide of rubbery grey leather. The medicine man then pointed to the pretty wife and said, "Behold chief, your number one wife." The chief was pleased, but the other two wives demanded an explanation. The medicine man said, "Even the ancient ones knew that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides."


....The Canonical List Of Punny Book Titles "Zaftig Ladies" By C Irving Hipps" "Yours Forever" By Tillie N. Deteim "You're Welcome" By N. Q. Verymuch "You're So Sweet" By Mable Syrup "You're Kidding!" By Shirley U. Jest "You're Being Audited!" By O. Y. Mee "You're A Bundle Of Laughs" By Vera Funny "Your Guess Is As Good As Mine" By S. T. Mate "You Wash, I'll Dry" By Terry Cloth "You Too Can Gain Weight" by Marietta Pi "You Tell Me The Answer!" By S. Q. Question "You Drip!" By Lee K. Fawcette "You Always Get Caught" By Sue Nora Later "Yoko's Robe" By Kim Ono "Yellow River" By I. P. Daily Annotated By I. P. Standing "XYZ" By C. My Willie "X-Rated Bubble Baths" By Robin D. Cradles "Wouldn't You Know It" By Murphy Slaw "Woulda Been A Great Shortstop" By Kent Hitt "Worms" By Earl E Byrd "Working In A Nursing Home" By K. R. Giver "Wonderful Sex Life" By Mona Lott "Without Warning" By Oliver Sudden "Within The Law" By Lee Gull "Wish I'd Never Been Born" By Rudy Daye "Winning The Race" By Vic Tree "Winning At Golf" By T.Off "Wind Instruments" By Tom Bone "Wind In The Maple Trees" By Russell Ingleaves "Will You Marry Me?" By S. I. Will "Will He Or Won't He?" By Mae B. Sew "Why Women Wear Bras" By Drew P. Tits "Why Women Exercise" By Hy Bunz "Why There Are No Jokes On Humor" By I. M. Just & Jo King "Why Software Is Buggy" By Q. A. Tester "Why Our Dumps Are Filling Up" By X. S. Waste "Why Must I Teach This Class?" By T. A. Blues "Why Do People Avoid Me?" By B. O. Problem "Why Cars Stop" By M.T. Tank "Whose Face Can Launch 1000 Ships?" By L. N. Otroy "Who Killed Cock Robin?" By Howard I. Know "Who Killed Cock Robin?" By B. B. Gunn "Who Cares?" By A. Y. Nott "Who Ate All The Cookies?" By L. F. Eyeno "White House Memories" By Ronald Reagan "Whip Me Into Shape" By S. M. Kinky "Where's My Hat?" By Sonia Head "Where To Put Your Money" By Bill Fold "Where To Get A Road Hog" By R. V. Dealer "Where to Find Islands" By Archie Pelago "Where There Are Hangings Every Day" By R. T. Museum "Where The World Is Going" By Helena Handbasket "Where She Sells Sea Shells" By S. C. Shore "When's The Revolution?" By Millie Tant "When Your Child Reaches 5" By Susan Miller "When Baseball Heros Strike Out" By K. C. Atbatt "What's Your Invention?" By Pat Tent "What's Up Doc?" By Howie Dewin "What's Green, Yet Does Not Grow?" By U. S. Dollar "What's For Dinner?" By Chuck Roast "What's For Breakfast?" By Hammond Eggs "Whatchamacallit!" By Thingum Bob "What To Do With Your Invention" By Pat Tent "What To Do If You're In A Car Accident" By Rhea Ender "What The Butler Saw" By Ava Nutherluk "What Music Used To Be On" By L. P. Record "What Makes Army People Sick" By P. X. Food "What Makes Airplanes Go" By Jeff Fuel "What I Took" By Irv Erginity "What I Really Want" By Trudie Zire" "What I Dance To" By D. J. Music "West Coast Universities" By Stan Ford "We're All Flakes" By Dan Druff "Well, I Never!" By I. D. Claire "Weepy Movie" By Maud Lynn Story "Weekend In Hong Kong" By Rick Shaw "Webster's Words" By Dick Shunnary "We Won 20-1!" By Barry Um "We Take Credit Cards, But..." By Cassius Better "We Solve Mysteries" By P. I. Detective "We All Need This!" By S. N. Shall "Waterways Of The World" By Sue S. Canal "Waste Water" By Sue Ridgepipe "War Injuries I Have Seen" By V. A. Hospital "Wake Up!" By Sal Ammoniac "Vowel Promissory Notes " By A. E. I. O'You "Volunteer's Guidebook" By Linda Hand "Virgin Marriage" By Chastity Belt "Violate Me And Your Program Will Crash!" By R. A. Bounds "Very Precise" By Matt Iculous "Vegetarian Cooking" By Jeffrey Dahlmer "Vegetable Arrangements" By Arty Choke "Vegas" by Candyce Rolle "Vacationing In Europe" By A. Broad "Vacation In France" By Hugo Down "V.D." By Dick Hertz "Urban Areas" By Bill Tupp "Upstream" By Sam N. Fishing "Unwanted Babies" By Anna Bortion "Unsolved Mysteries" By N. Igma "Unsolved Murders" By Mr. E "Unproductive Employees" By Colin Sikh "Unknown Rodent" By A. Nonny Mouse "Uninteresting Road Signs" By Bill Bored "Unemployed" By Anita Job. "Under The Bleacher Seats" By Seymore Butts "Ultimate In Hypocrisy" By Im Won Too "Tyrant of the Potatoes" By Dick Tater "Two Yankees In Mexico" By Peregrine Gose "Two Thousand Pounds!" By Juan Ton "Twelfth Month" By Dee Sember "Turtle Racing" By Eubie Quick "Turn Your Head And Cough" By Olden Mcgroin "Turkish Minerals" By Asa Miner "Tug Of War" By Paul Hard "Try, Try Again" By Getty Trite "Try And Try Again" By Percy Vere "Trucker's Worst Nightmare" By Bridge Tulow "Tropical Paradise" By Kumon Iwannaghuqya "Triumphal Procession" By Victor E. March "Trim Those Sideburns Too?" By Buzz Cutt "Trial Law" By Tess Temoni "Treasure In The Outhouse" By I. P. Nickels "Traveling Insects" By Bugs Oliver Windshield "Traveling In Mexico" by Burr E. Tow "Training For The Olympics" By B. D. Best "Trails In The Sand" By Peter Dragon "Trail Guide To Yellowstone Park" By Y. O. Ming "Toupee Embarrassment" By Harrison Backwards "Toodleeoo, Dear" By C. U. Soon "Too Rough" By Soren Redd "Too Drunk To Walk" By Carrie Mee-Ohm "Too Bad For You!" By T. S. Sucker "Tolstoi" By Warren Peace "To Be Honest" By Frank Lee "Tipping The Outhouse" By John Turner "Tinseltown Tales" By Holly Wood "Times Of Wealth" By Richard Ayes "Time To Eat!" By Dean R. Bell "Tight Situation" By Leah Tard "Tiger's Revenge" By Claud Body "Those Funny Dogs" By Joe Kur "Thirst In The Desert" By Mustafa Drink "Things To Do At Parties" By Bob Frapples "Things to Cook Meat In" By Stu Potts "They're Not Cows" By M. R. Horses "Theft And Robbery" By Andy Tover "Theft Among Arthropods" By The Lieutenants "The World's Last Days" By D. N. Izneer "The World's Deadliest Joke" By Theophilus Punoval "The World's Best Recipes" By Gus Tatorial "The Works Of Leo Tolstoy" By Warren Peace "The Wit And Wisdom Of Chico Marx" By Y. A. Duck "The White Flag" By O. I. Givupp "The White Cliffs" By Eileen Dover "The Water Diviner" By Hazel Fork "The Volunteer's Guidebook" By Linda Hand "The Void" By M. T. Ness "The Visitor" By Enoch Zatador "The Vietnam Conflict" By Warren A. Shaw "The Urinalysis" By P. P. Inacupp "The Ups And Downs Of Penis Therapy" By John Wayne Bobbitt "The Unknown Rodent" By A. Nonny Mouse "The Unknown Author" By Ann Onymous "The Unexpected" By Oliver Sudden "The Twelfth Month" By Dee Sember "The TV News Anchorman" By Maury Ports "The Tudor Banquet" By Henrietta Knox "The Truancy Problem By Marcus Absent "The Trojan War" By Helena Troy "The Tin Can Cookbook" By Billie Gote "The Tightrope Walker" By Betty Falls "The Terminator" By L. B. Back "The Telltale Heart" By Stefi Scope "The Sword In History" By Ray Pierre "The Sweat Shop" By Hiram Cheap "The Strip Joint" By C. R. Boddies "The Stars Tell It All" By Horace Cope "The Squeaking Gate" By Rusty Hinges "The Spiritual Life" By Ned Itation "The Solitary Beast" By Annie Malone "The Solar System" By P. Lanets & Son "The Smorgasbord" By Buffy Dinner "The Sixty Ninth Romance" By E.R. French "The Singer" By Barry Tone "The Shrinking Society" By Les Ismoor "The Sex Maniacs Guide" By Rippernickerszov "The Sex Mad Russian" By Ivantor Titsoff "The Senior Prom" By Spike Drink "The Senator" By D. C. Resident "The Self-Made Man" By Peter Long "The Scent Of A Man" By Jim Nasium "The Sayings Of Homer Simpson" By Y. U. Liddle "The Russian With Three Testicles" By Ooja Nikabolokov "The Russian Circumcision" By Al Kutchakokoff "The Ruptured Japanese" By Hung Low "The Rooster's Mistake" By Rhoda Duck "The Role Of The Hit Man" By L. M. Innate "The Rifle Range" By Bob Downe "The Respiratory System" By Aaron Lungs "The Race To The Outhouse" By Willie Makeit Edited By Betty Wont "The Punny Book Title Collection " By R. D. Harhar "The Pullman Sleeper" By Bertha Buv "The Protruding Pajama Leg By Lotta Dicks "The Porn Queen" By Mona Lott "The Pony Club Show" By Jim Carner "The Poker Player" By Delia Cards "The Phillipine Post Office" By Imelda Letter "The Perils Of Drug Addiction" By Anita Fixx "The People Of Mensa" By Gene Yuss "The Peeping Tom" By C. K. Undress "The Peace Mission" By Olive Branch "The Paper Route" By Avery Daye "The Palace Roof has a Hole" By Lee King "The Paint Ingredient" By Linsey Doyle "The Optician's Guide" By Seymour Clearly "The Open Window" By Eileen Doubt "The Open Kimono" By I. C. Hair "The Old Fashioned Way" By Ilene Back "The Old Codger" By A. T. Yearsold "The Nomadic Cowboy" By I. "Moo" Vaughn "The 'New Math' Simplified" By Juan Thieu Thierry "The Nerd" By C. S. Major "The Nazi War Machine" By Zeeguh Hill "The Naughty Farm Boy" By Enid Spankin "The National Science Foundation" By Grant Money "The Myth Of The Mafia" By I. L. Killya "The Musical World Of Walt Disney" By M. O. Yewessee "The Music Of Sammy Davis Jr." By Candy Mann "The Monkey Cage" By Jim Panzee "The Miracle Drug" By Penny Cillin "The Mighty Oak" By A. Korn "The Man On The Ledge" By Willy Jump "The Long Hot Summer" By I. Scream "The Lonely Lady" By Herman Lefter "The Liquid Diet" By I.P. Freely "The Lion-Tamer" By Claud Face "The Lion Attacked" By Claudia Armoff "The Last Roundup" By Brandon Irons "The Last Frontier" By L. S. Kah "The Largest Bra In The World" By Norma Stitz "The Lady Pirate" By Peg Legg "The LA Lakers' Breakfast" By Kareem O'Wheat "The Joys Of Playing An Instrument" By Clara Nett "The Japanese Way Of Death" By Harri Kari "The Irish Heart Surgeon" By Angie O'Plasty "The Insomniac" By Eliza Wake "The Industrial Revolution" By Otto Mattick "The Incompetent Bullfighter" By Gordon Bloody "The Ideal Husband" By John Henry Everhard "The Human Brain" By Sarah Bellum "The Housing Problem" By Rufus Quick "The Hoosier State" By N. D. Anna "The Hitchhiker" By Juan Nalift "The History Of The Mini Skirt" By Seymour Legg "The History Of Rock And Roll" By Tristan Shout "The History Of Exxon" By Phil Errup "The Hidden Surprise" By Pam Perz "The Ham Radio Primer" By Loudon Clear "The Greatest Pleasure" By X. T. See "The Great Rubber Failure" By Iva Child "The Great Flood" By Noah Zark "The Great Fabrication" By Paul E. Ester "The Great Escape" By Freida Convict "The Greasy Spoon" By Chris Coe "The Grass Is Always Greener" By N. V. Uss "The Good Employee" By O. K. Boss "The Good Breakfast" By Hammond Deggs "The German's Favorite Spot" By Herr Bottom "The German Bank Robbery" By Hans Zupp "The Gardener" By Moses Lawn "The Garden State" By Ida Hoe "The Gangsters" By Robin Steele "The Future" by Chris Tobalz "The Future Of Robotics" By Cy Borg And Anne Droid "The Funeral" By Paul Bearer "The Frozen South" By A. Winterbottom "The Friendly Bartender" By Juana Beer "The French Chef" by Sue Flay "The Fortuneteller" By Reid Palms "The Flip Dizzy Hawaiian" By Lacka Nookie "The Female Ghost" By Sheila Peer "The Farmer's Wife" By Mike Howe "The Fall Of A Watermelon" By S. Platt "The Excursion" By Sally Forth "The Excitement Of Trees" By I. M. Board "The Evils Of Masturbation" By Ibin Yackinoff "The Escape Of Bonnie Prince Charlie" By Scot Free "The Errant Sledgehammer" By O. G. Datturts "The English Rupture" By Lord Howard Hurtz "The End That Justifies The Means" By C. Y. Eyedidit "The End Of The Week" By Gladys Friday "The Empty Cookie Jar" By Arthur Anymore "The Empath" By Ophelia Sadness "The Effects of Alcohol" By Sir Osis of Liver "The Economy Is Recovering!" By Knott Quite "The Easy Lay" By Carmen Gettit "The Earthquake" By Major Diaster "The Drawing Lesson" By Art Master "The Drawbacks Of Strong Drink" By D. T. Sufferer "The Dog Track" By C. M. Run "The Disco Craze" By B. G. Singers "The Disappointed Old Maid" By Dickie Small "The Diamond Robbery" By Jules Argon "The Decline Of Civilization" By Helena Handcart "The Debtor" By Owen Munny "The Dead Of Winter" By Jan Yuary "The Day All Heck Broke Loose" By K. T. Bardedoor "The Criminals Of Watergate" By Barton Mee "The Credit Card" By Wright N. Bills "The Constipated Chinaman" By Hung Chow "The Consequences Of Trick Or Treating" By Tommy Ayk "The Comprehensive Guide to Orchestral Music" by Phil Harmonic illustrated by Polly Phonic. "The Complete Book Of Lasgana" By Aieda "The Commuter" By Jocelyn Train "The Coffee Maker" By French Press "The Coast Is Clear" By C. N. Eebuddy "The Classic Monastery Painters" By Art Monk "The Chuck Berry Story" By Judy Frudy "The Christmas Spirit" By Joy X. Noel "The Chinese Rupture" By Wang Hang Lo "The Chinese Population Explosion" By Wee Fukum Jung "The Chinaman With One Testicle" by Wot Went Wong "The Cavalryman" By Rhoda Norse "The Cannibal's Daughter" By Henrietta Mann "The Candy Store" By Pepper Mintz "The Calypso Band" By Lydia Dustbin "The Burglar" By Robin Banks "The Bullfighter" By Matt Adore "The Building" By Eddy Fiss "The Broken Window" By Eva Brick "The Broken Strap" By Won Hung Lo "The Bride's First Night" By Peter B. Kyne "The Bouncing Bullet" By Rick O'Shay "The Bog" By Pete Maas "The Blessing" By Benny Dixon "The Bird Collection" By Arnie Thologie "The Big Wave" By Sue Nami "The Big Snitch" By Ima Telling "The Big Parade" By Marsha Long "The Big Cigar" By Smokey Stogie "The Best Of Elmer Fudd" By U. U. Wabbit "The Bedpan Patrol" By B. M. Routine "The Beach Bully" By Harry Ayp "The Barber Of Seville" By Ray Zerr "The Auto Salvage Business" By Rex Toad "The Art Of Sincerity" By Ernest Lee "The Art Of Shoplifting" By Phil Mypockets "The Art Of Secret Dating" By Rhonda Voo "The Art of Jumping off Bridges" by Sue Icide "The Art Of Falling In Love" by Q. Pidd "The Arctic Ocean" By I. C. Waters "The Anxious Moment" By R.U. Cummin "The Angry Man" By T. Doff "The American Legal System" By Sue Someone "The Adventures Of Win.Ini The Pooh" By W. Gates "The Accused" By Watts E. Dunn "That's Life" By Cilla Vee "That's A Ten-Four, Good Buddy" By C. B. Radio "That Was Quick!" By Wendy Dothat "That Nagging Cough" By T. B. Carrier "That Can't Be Right" By Shirley Nott "Texas Sidewinder" By I. P. Crooked "Ten Pins" By Mr. Strike "Temper The Wind" By Sean Lamb "Telltale Heart" By Stefi Scope "Teenagers Of The '50's" By Bobbie Sox "Teen Mother" By Pasteur Period "Tear Up Those Betting Slips" By Lou Zerr "Teaching Boys To Change Tires" By Theresa Jackson "Teach Me!" By I. Wanda Know "Tea For Two" By Roland Butta "Tape Another Channel" By David E. O. Recorder "Talkative Japanese" By Terry Yaki "Talk Is Cheap" By U. N. Envoy "Taking A Long Vacation" By Helen Back "Take This Job And Shove It" By Ike Witt "Take Stock" By Russel Steers "Take a Break!" By Colin Sick "Tailoring" By Serge Soote "Swimming In The Channel" By Frances Near "Swimming In The Arctic" By I. C. Waters. "Swedish Perfumeries" By Ole Factory "Sweat Shop" By Hiram Cheap "Surprised!" By Omar Gosh "Superman's Vision" By C. X. Rayz "Sunrise" by Don Pat Rolle "Sunday Service" By Neil Downe "Summer In The South" By A. Z. Hot-Humid "Suicide Jump" By Hugo First "Succeeding In Business" By Mari "The Boss" Dawter "Stunned Over Christmas" By Holly Daze "Strong Winds" By Gail Force "String Instruments" By Viola Player "Streaking" By Running Bear "Strange Trails In The Sand" By Peter Dragon "Stranded On A Motorway" By Buster Tyre "Stories In The Future" By S. F. Writer "Stop Arguing" By Xavier Breath "Stomach Cramps" By Henrietta Greenapple "Still Looking For My Heart" By Sam Francisco "Starting A Used Auto Parts Business" by Rex Galore "Star Spangled Barrio" By Jose Canusee "Springtime" By Teresa Greene "Spring" By April N. May "Spots On The Wall" By Hoo Flung Dung "Spoil The Child" By Molly Coddle "Split Personalities" By Jacqueline Hyde "Spies Like Us" By S. P. O'Nage "Spanish Rupture" By Torres Balzoff "Soviet Weapons" By Ay Kay Xlvii "Soviet Venereal Disease" By Itl Rotchakokoff "Southern California Waffles" By Sandy Eggo "Southern California Pachyderms" By L. A. Funt "Sound As A Bell" By A. Clanger "Sorry, You're Not My Type" By R. H. Factor "Sorry!" By Anna Poloji "Songs From 'South Pacific'" By Sam And Janet Evening "Songs For Children" By Barbara Blacksheep "Some Like it Sweet" By Sugar Kane "Some Like It Hot" By Red Pepper "Solving Crimes" By D. Tective "Sofa so Good" By Chester Field "Soda Pop History" By Ginger Aile "Social Insecurity" By Wilma Moneylast "Soak Your Ex-Husband" By Ali Money "So You Want To Be A Farmer" by E.I. Ohhe "Snow Bound" by Ava Lanche "Snorting My Way To Heaven" By Angel Dust "Snakes Of The World" By Anna Conda "Smorgasbord" By Buffy Dinner "Smoker's Cough" By Nick O'Teen "Smell Of The Long Distance Runner" By Jim Shorts (Sequal) "Smash His Lobster!" By Buster Crabbe "Smart Beer Making" By Bud Wiser "Small Vegetables" By Russell Sprout "Slowly Fades" By Peter Out "Slip-Slidin' Away" By K. Y. Jellee "Slimming" By Lena Boddy "Slang From The Roaring Twenties" By O. U. Kidd "Skunks in the Shrubbery" By P. Yew "Sitting Is For Lazy People" By Stan Dupp "Singing Without An Orchestra" By A. K. Pella "Singing In The Rain" By Ivor Macintosh "Singin' And Shakin'" By Oprah Tic Tenor "Simple Mathematics" By Algy Brarr "Simple Arithmetic" By Matthew Candu "Silly Rabbit" By Trixie R. Forkids "Shoes For Farm And Ranch" By Claude Hopper "Ships Of The Navy" By P. T. Bote "Ships In Harbor" By Dr. Longside "Ship Mysteries" By Marie Celeste "Shhh!" By Danielle Soloud "Sharing Indian Beverages" By T. Fatto "Shaky Knees" By Cliff Diver "Sexual Education" By Peter Goesinya "Senior Prom" By Spike Drink "Selling Autos" by Carlotta Deels "Self-Made Man" By Peter Long "Self Denial Made Easy" By Abner Gation "See You In Phoenix!" By R. E. Zona "Secrets" By Isadore Shutt "Secrets Of The KKK" By Dewey, Lynch & Howe. "Secrets Of Dermatology" By X. Z. Mahh "Seated Under The Bleachers" By Seymore Sox "Season Tickets" By Oprah Maven "Sea Birds" By Al Batross "Sculpting The Gods Of Greece And Rome By Jove "Scuffed Floors" By Mark Tupp "Screams In The Night" By Claude Balls "Scrambled Eggs" By Humpty Dumpty "Scottish Kilt Patterns" By Glen Pladd "Scots In The Desert" By Lorna Dune "Science Fiction Stories" By E. T. Fonehome "School Reader" By C. Dick & Jane Run "Schmaltz" By Maude Len "Scandinavian Photography" By Matt Finnish "Say The Magic Word" By Abby Cadabra "Sandpapers Of The West" By Tex Ture "Salad Dressings" By Myra Culwhip "Sailor Beware" By Don Bendover "Sado-Masochism in Russia" by Borris Torreskokov "Sadistic Sex" By Nora Bone "Rusty Bedsprings" By I.P. Nightly "Rustle In The Bushes" By Izzie Honor "Russian's Revenge" By Hoyoudon Kutchercockoff "Russian Tennis Shoes" By Ivan Odor "Russian Lover" By Nibblar Titsov "Russian Castration" By I. Bitchyakokoff "Ruptured Chinaman" By Wun Hung Lo "Running" By Tyrone Shulas "Runaways" by Miss Inga Pearl Sohn "Rules of Pool" by Bill Yard "Rules For Living" By Sharon Sharalike "Round the World" By Madge Ellen "Round The Mountain" By Sheila B. Cummin "Rooster's Mistake" By Rhoda Duck "Rollercoasters" by John T. Ride "Roger Wilco" By A. O. Kaye "Rodent In The House!" By E. K. Mouse "Rocks Ahead" By Vera Way "Rock Music Of The 60's" By C. C. Rider "Robots" By Anne Droid "Robotics Handbook" By A. I. Expert "Road Transport" By Laurie Driver "Rip In The Matress" By Mr. Completely "Ringing Wet" By Belinda Water "Riel Ambush!" By May T. Surprise "Rich People" By Belle Yenere "Revenge of the Jungle Tiger By Claude Balls "Return Of The Prodigal Son" By Gladys Back "Republican Eliminations" By G. O. Pee "Repent At Leisure" By Marion Hayste "Rent, Don't Buy, Your Vehicle" By Lisa Carr "Renowned Chefs" By Janice Cooks "Reminiscence" By Ira Member "Religion" By Abel Lever "Red Vegetables * Volume 2" By B. Troot "Red Vegetables * Volume 1" By Tom A. Toe "Red In The Face" By U. V. Index "Reconstructive Breast Surgery" By Dr. Syl I. Cohen, MD "Recipes Of The Frontier" By Chuck Wagon "Recipes for Hot Salsa" by Hal Apeno "Ready...Set..." By Sadie Word "Rash Decisions I Have Made" By X. M. Ah "Rapunzel, Rapunzel!" By Harris Long "Rape In The Gas Station By Who Pumped Ethyl "Rangers In The Night" By Forrest Fyar "Raising Flowers By Hand" By Flo Wrist "Racketeering" By Dennis Court "Quoting Hamlet" By Maureen Soroth, Annie Nanga "Quips For The Young At Heart" By Marty Pants "Quick And Hot" By T. V. Dinner "Questions From an Italian Taylor" by Euripides "Put'er There, Pal!" By Greg Garious "Put Some Fizz Back In Your Life" By F. R. Vessant "Punk Rock Rulez!" By Lotta Noyze "Punctuation" By Graham Matt Ekall "Pull Yourself Together!" By Annette Curtain "Pull With All You've Got!" By Eve Ho "Publishing" By Maggie Zeene "Psyche Of A Voyeur" By I. C. Hue "Proof Positive!" By Q. E. Dee "Programming Styles" By Dee Bugit, Edited By Stil Mohrbugs "Programming in C++" by I.O. Stream "Professional Boxing" By I. C. Stars "Proctology Made Easy" By N.D. Rhear "Principles Of Criminal Justice" By Lauren Order "Primitive Transport" By Orson Cart "Prevent Drowning" By Buddy System "Pretty Baby" By A.Dora Bull "Pressure Relief" By Korsetsov "Preparing Leather" By Tanya Hyde "Preparing For Your Speling Be" By Dan Quail "Prepare To Meet Your Maker" By Eva DeStruction "Prehistoric Reptiles" By Dinah Soar And Terry Dactyl "Prehistoric Finds" By B. C. Calendar "Preaching To Hell's Angels" By Pastor Redlight "Prayers For Children" By Cindy Skool "Practical Proctology" By Bea Hind "Powerful Drinks" By Micky Finn "Post-Script" By Adeline Extra "Positive Reinforcement" By Wade Ago "Popping The Big One" By Mary Mepleeze "Political Correctness" By Noah Fence "Poisonous Plants" By Dudley Nightshade "Poetry In Baseball" By Homer. "Plumbers" By Dwain Cloggz "Plumb Good" By Dwayne Pipe "Playing With The Christmas Fire" By Yule B. Sari "Play It Safe" By Justin Case "Pirate Secrets" By Barry Deloot "Pilgrim Settlers" By May Flower "Phillipine Post Office" By Imelda Letter "Perverted Mushrooms" By M. Morel "Personal House Construction" By Bill Jerome Home "Personal Best" By Marco Destinction "Perry Mason's Last Case" By D. A. Zoffuss "Performing The Perfect Murder" By O J Simpson "Perfect Cooking" By Chris P. Bacon "Perfect Agreement" By C. I. Tu'ai "Pentagon Press Release" By Colonel O'Truth and Lotta Lies "Peeping Tom" By Sawyer Scanties "Peek-A-Boo" By I. C. Hugh "Peace Mission" By Olive Branch "PC Board Repairman" By Solder Medic "Pay Toilets" By Johnny Cash "Pasta" By Liz Onya "Party On, Dude" By Jill Out "Parting Shots" By Sid Semper Tyrannis "Paree', I Give My Life To Thee" By Ben Eaten "Parachuting" By Hugo First "Paper Commodities" by Scott Owls "Painting Walls" By Matt Coats "Pain Relief" By Ann L. Gesick "Pain Killers" By N. L. Gesic "Pain In My Body" By Otis Leghurts "Pain And Sorrow" By Anne Guish "Oxygen" By Aaron Breath "Overweight Vegetables" By O. Beets "Overcoming Nervousness On Radio" By Mike Fright "Over The Cliff' By Hugo First "Outdoor Cookery" By Barbie Cue "Outdoor Activities" By Alf Resco "Our Private Honeymoon" By Tonya Harding "Ouch!" By A. B. Stung "Oriental Relaxation Wear" By Kim Ono "Oral Delights" By Connie Lingus "Options Trading" By June Gold "Open Kimono" By Seymore Hair "One Hundred Years Old" By Abbie Birthday "On The Cover" By G. Q. Model "On The Beach" By C. Shaw "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" By M. I. Five "On Bended Knee" By Neil Down "Old MacDonald's Farm" By E. I. Eeyioh "Okee Dokee" By Roger Wilco "Oh What A Relief It Is" By Al Kaseltzer "Off To Market" By Tobias A. Pigg "Nuts" By P. Kahn "Nuts About You!" By Cy Cosis "Nuclear Power Bafflement" By Ken Fusion "Nuclear Explosives" By Adam Baum "Now I'm In Business!" By M. B. Yay "Nothing To Chirp About" By K. D. Didd "Not So Hot" By Luke Warm "Not Saved By The Bell!" By T. K. Ohh "Not Getting Enough Sleep?" By Drew P. Ize "Not Bogged Down In Reality" By Jason Rainbows "Not A Moment To Spare" By B. N. Time "Not A Guitar!" By Amanda Lin "Northern Drives" By I.C. Rhodes "Nordic Groundskeepers" By Leif Raker "Noisy Nights" By Constance Norah "Noise is Forbidden!" By Nada Loud "Nobel Prize Cannibals" By Laurie Ate "No" By Kurt Reply "No More Circuit Breakers!" By Ira Fuse "No Children Please!" By P. G. Thirteen "Nixon's Watergate Story" By Ima Crook "Nitpicker's Guide To Star Trek" By C. A. Flaw "Nice Hotels" By Mary Ott "NHL Hockey" By Stanley Kupp "New Mexico Tour Book" By Albie Kerky "New In Town?" By L. O. Saylor "Never Get Lost" By Reed Demapp "Neither A Borrower" By Nora Lender Bee "Neat Shirts" By Preston Ironed "Naval Recruitment Slogans" By C. D. World "Naughty Movies" By X. X. Ecks "Mystery In The Barnyard" By Hoo Flung Dung "My Seventh Husband" By Ivana Newhouse "My Most Embarrassing Moment" By Lucy Lastik "My Lost Causes" By Noah Veil "My Life With Horowitz" By Paige Turner "My Life With Annette" By Amos Kateer "My Life On Skid Row" By Titus A. Drum "My Life Of Poverty" By Ivana Trump "My Life In The Gutter" By Yves Trough "My Life In Crime" By Upton O. Goode "My Life As A Cowboy" By Brandon Steers "My Happiest Day" By Trudy Light "My Girlfriend Wants To Drive My Car" By Willy Letter "My Exciting Life" By Frank Lee Boring "My Desert Crossing" By I. Rhoda Camel "My Dad's A Mortician" By Phil Degraves "My Career As A Clown" By Abe Ozo "My Boring Career" By A. Driller "Musical Gunfighters" By The Okay Chorale "Music Of The Sea" By Lawrence Whelk "Music Of Handel" By Aaron G. String "Moving Day" By Ivor Newhouse "Mountain Climbing" By Andover Hand "Motors" by Jen R Ator "Mosquito Bites" By Ivan Itch "Mortal Enemies" By U. I. Cantstand "Morning Radio" By A. M. Effem "Morning Call" By R. U. Upjohn "More Stupid Jokes" By Hugh E. Diots "More For Your Money" By Max Amize "More Beard Than Music" By Z. Z. Topp "Monsters" By Frank N. Stein "Monkey Shines" By Bob Boone "Monkey Cage" By Jim Panzee "Money Management" By Owen Cash "Modern Tree Watches" By Anna Log "Modern Exercise" By Jim Nasium "Model Train Fanatics" By H. O. Scale "Mobile Homes" By Winnie Bago "Misunderstood" By Art Tistic "Miss Demeaner" By Park Flasher "Miracle Drug" By Penny Cillin "Mineralogy for Giants" By Chris Tall "Military Rule" By Marshall Law "Military Life" By Private Parts, Corporal Punishment, Major Problem, Coronel O'Corn, And General Condition. "Military Fast" By Colonel O'Corn "Military Defeats" By Major Disaster & General Mayhem "Midnight Patrol" By Hugo Sair "Middle Eastern Sandwich Recipes" by Pete Abread "Mexican/Italian Food" By Pepe Roney "Mexican Revenge" By Monty Zuma "Mental Giants" By I. Q. Test "Mensa Man" By Gene Yuss "Meeting Places" By Ron Devoo "Medicine and Surgery for Lawyers" by A.J. Buzzard "Medically Soothing Beverages" By Dr. Pepper "Medical Procedures" By N. G. Ogram "Meat Eaters" By Carney Vore "Measles Collision!" By Kay Rash "Meals On Safari" By Lionel Eecha "May Flowers" By April Showers "Masterpieces Of Fox TV" By Annette Work "Mastering Customer Service" by Howie Dooin "Maritime Rules" By Paula See "Maritime Disasters" By Andrea Doria "Marine Mammal Communication" By C. L. Barking "Mardi Gras Time" By Lou Isiana "Many Are Cold, But Few Are Frozen" By Minnie Sota "Manana" By Stew Layt "Management Skills: Choosing The Top Applicant" By Hiram T. Day "Male Anatomy" By Hugh G. Rection "Making Explosives" By Stan Wellback "Making Crime Pay By Robin Steal "Make Your Marriage Work" By Stan Byerman "Make Your Home Secure" By Havelock Smith "Make Up Your Mind" By Dee Side "Make The Ceiling Higher!" By Y. C. Stars "Make Money Fast!" by Robin U. Blinde "Make 'em Laugh" By Joe King "Magnetism" by Torrid Hertz "Magic" By Howie Dussit "Mad Dash To The Outhouse" By Willie Maykit, Illustrated By Betty Dont Cover By Andy Did "MacArthur's Triumph" By V. J. Daye "Love Under The Bleachers" By Seymour Butz "Love Thy Own Self" By O.E. Pullit And Howie Pullit "Lousy American Cars" By G. M. Clunker "Lotsa Luck" By Bess Twishes "Lots of Excitement" By Hugh N. Cry "Lost" by A.P. Bea Owt "Lose Weight Now" By Y. B. Phatt "Los Angeles Pachyderms" By L.A. Funt "Lord Of The Flies" By Beelze Bul "Look, Up In The Sky!" By C. H. Etplane "Look Younger" By Fay Slift "Look Ma, No Thumbs!" By Justice Fingers "Long Way Down" By Rip Cord Broke "Long Walk" By Miss D. Bus "London Bridge Is Falling Down..." By U. K. Tourist "Loan Sharking Made Easy" By I. O. Yew "Live Large" By Maurice Beta "Little Fishes" By Anne Chovey "Little Bitty Froggies" By Tad Pole "Liking Yourself" By Iza Goodguy "Light Brown Hair" By Audrey Mauve Jeannie "Lifesaving Techniques" By C. P. Arr "Life!" by K Sarah Cerra "Life Six Feet Under" By Doug Graves "Life Of A Grasshopper" By Kate E Didd "Life In The Sorority House" By Carrie Onn "Life In The Eastern United States" By Della Weyer And Flora Daw, Illustrated By Virginia Ann Mayne "Life In General" By D.O.Poohead "Life in Chicago" By Wendy City "Life Before The Civil War" By Aunty Bellum "Life Before Cars" By Orson Buggy "Life As A Skunk" By Pep P. Lee Phew "Life As A Comic" By Stan Dupp "Lewis Carroll" By Alison Wonderland "Let's Play Billiards" By A. Q. Ball "Let's Do it Now!" By Igor Beaver "Less Than A Quarter" By Nicola Dime "Leo Tolstoy" By Warren Peace "Legumes" By P. Nutt "Lazy Employees" By Hans Doolittle "Lawyers Of Suffering" By Grin And Barrett "Lawyers' Guide to High Earnings" by Susan Wins & Bill Padder "Lawrence Welk In China" By Anna Wong, Anna Tieu "Lawn Care" By Ray King "Law For The Common Man" By Dewey, Cheatim And Howe "Law And Order" By Copsand Roberts "Laughing In The White House" By Polly Tickle "Latin Dances For Sheep" By Sam Baa "Late Nights" By S. A. Due "Late Again" By Misty Buss "Last Roundup" By Brandon Irons "Land Of Plenty" By Alison Ann Moore "Laid Off!" By Gwen Home "Lady Pirate" By Peg Legg "Lady Godiva" By Honour Whitesteed "Knocking Your Funny Bone" By Lord Howard Hertz "King Kong" By Hugh Jape "Kindergarten Kop II" By Bea Hayve "Kidnapped" By Caesar Quick "Keeping The Peace" By Lorne Order "Keeping Old Furniture Looking Good" By Ann Teak "Keep Them In Suspense" By Toby Continued "Keep Out!" By Barb Dwyer "Keep it Clean!" By Armand Hammer "Keep 'em That Way" By Private Parts "Kangaroo Illnesses" By Marcus Wallaby, M.D. "Justice in the States" by W.F. Swindler "Just Say No" By Will Power "Junkyards Of The World" By R. X. Taken "Jungle Fever" By Amos Quito "Judging Fast Food" By Warren Berger "Joys Of Parachuting" By Hugo First "Joys Of Exhibitionism" By Thay C. Mie "Joys Of Cowardice" By Lily Livard "Journey Across The Desert" By Mustapha Kamel "Jokes For All Occasions" By U. Y. Sky "Jogging" By By Ron Around "Joe Wins At A Track Meet" By C. Howie Runns "Jewish Mysticism" By Lev Itation "Jewish Holidays" By Hannah Kuhh "Jewish Egotists" By Chaim Wonderful "Jazz Music" By Tenna Saxe "James Fenimore Cooper" By Lester Moe Hickens "It's Unfair!" By Y. Me "It's Springtime!" By Theresa Green "It's Magic!" By Sven Gali "It's All In Your Head" By Madge Ination "It's All In The Wrist" By R. M. Wrestle "It's A Shocker" By Alec Tricity "It's A Holdup!" By Nick R. Elastic "Italian Food * Volume 3" By Minnie Stroni "Italian Food * Volume 2" By Manny Kotty "Italian Food * Volume 1" By Lynn Guini "Italian Delicacies" By Liz Onya "Italian Cuisine" By Ravi Oley "Italian Cooking" By Mac Aroni "It Won't Work!" By Mel Function "It Was Him!" By Zoe Didit "It Pays To Advertise" By Bill Sticker "It Aids Recovery" By T. L. See "Is That It?" By Annie Moore "Is O. J. Guilty?" by Howard I. Know "Is It Love?" By Midas Wellbee "Irish Flooring" By Lynn O'Leum "Irish First Aid" By R.U. O'Kaye "Irish Dentistry" By Perry O'Dontal "Investigating Optometrists" By F. B. Eye "Interior Decorating" By Curt Enrod "Inside a Nike Shoe Factory" by Hiram Cheap "Inner Psyche" by Piers Sonia Leety "Influenza" By Mike Robe "Inflammation, Please!" By Arthur Itis "Indiana Jones' Adventures" By Darrin Rescue "Indian/Italian Cuisine" By Ravi Oley "Income Tax Time" By U. O. Money "In Year One" By A. D. Calendar "In The Trenches" By Helmut Wearer "In The Round File" By Chuck Kitt "In the Arctic Ocean" By Isa Berg "In Farmer Macgregor's Garden" By Peter Abbott "Improve Your Vision" By Dr. I. C. Betta "Imitating Mozart" By Sam Phony "I'm Someone Else" By Ima Nonymous "I'm Scared!" By Emma Fraid "I'm Not Getting Older, I'm Getting Better!" By I. H. Tenyears "I'm Not Choosy" By N. E. Buddy "I'm Not A Happy Camper!" By Malcolm Tent "I'm Fine" By Howard Yu "I'm An Atheist" By Noel Noheaven "I'm Always Hungry" By O. B. City "Illicit Sea Bird Activities" By L. E. Gull "I'll Follow" By Hugo First "If I Invited Him..." By Woody Kum "If I Had The Chance" By L. I. Wood "Ideas" By Theo Rhett Ichz "Ideal Husband" By John Henry Everhard "I Wuz Robbed!" By Alma Money "I Wuz Framed!" By Gil Tee "I Work With Diamonds" By Jules Sparkle "I Win!" By U. Lose "I Was The Engineer For The Barbershop Quartet" By Mike Mixer "I Was A Son Of A Buccaneer" By Rich Kidd "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" By Mahatma Coate "I Want To Help" By Abel N. Willin "I Swing For The Pitcher" By D. H. Batter "I Shot An Arrow In The Air" By R. G. Rhee "I Shoot Arrows" By Anne Archer "I Scream, You Scream..." By D. Q. Restaurant "I Say So!" By Frank O. Pinion "I Read You Like A Book" By Claire Voyant "I Need Insurance" By Justin Case "I Must Fix The Car!" By Otto Doit "I Love You!" By Alma Hart "I Love Wills" By Benny Fishery "I Love Mathematics" By Adam Up "I Love Fractions" By Lois C. Denominator "I Love Crowds" By Morris Merrier "I Love Bullfighting" By Matt Adore "I Lost My Balance" By Phil Down "I Lived In Detroit" By Helen Earth "I Like Weeding Gardens" By Manuel Labour "I Like Liquor" By Ethyl Alcohol "I Like Fish" By Ann Chovie "I Like Coffee" By Duncan Doughnuts "I Laugh At The Gods!" By Hugh Briss "I Killed Cock Robin!" By R. S. T'me "I Keep Falling Down" By D. Z. Person "I Just Had A Feeling" By Claire Voyant "I Hit The Wall" By Isadore There "I Hate The Sun" By Gladys Knight "I Hate Monday Mornings" By Gaetan Oop "I Hate Fighting" By Boris Hell "I Got A New Car" By D. U. Care "I Fell Off The Brooklyn Bridge" By Ilene Dover "I Dropped The Hammer" By O. L. Myfoot "I Don't Think So" by Betty Don't "I Don't Believe This!" By L. U. Say "I Disagree With That!" By N. A. Sayer "I Didn't Do It!" By Y. M. Eyehere "I Didn't Do It!" By Ivan Alibi "I Coulda Been A Contender" By K. O. Boxer "I Can't See The Difference" By Sam Ting "I Can Fix It" By Jerry Rigg "I Beat Bobby Fischer" By Jess Player "I Am Tired" By Anita Rest "I Am Someone Else" By Ima Nonymous "I Am Scared!" By Emma Fraid "I Am Hopelessly Lost" By Wareham I. Now "Hypnotism" By N. Tranced "Hunger In America" By Heywood Jafeedme "Humor" By Joe King "Humanity" by Mort Allz "How We Got To Bethlehem" By Don Keys "How To Write Letters" By Adiline Moore "How To Write A Will" By Ben E. Factor "How To Write A Term Paper" By Al Niter "How To Tune Up Your Auto" By Carl Humm "How To Tour The Prison" By Robin Steele "How To Tell The Future" By Chris Taball "How To Talk Good" By I. I. Stutter "How To Take Afternoon Naps" By P. M. Snooze "How to Succeed in School" By Rita Book "How To Slow Down Your Computer" By M. S. Windoze "How To Sing" By Carrie O. Key "How To Serve Mankind" By Chef Ummgud "How To Reply Without Committing Yourself" By K. G. Answer "How To Relieve Pain" By Ann L. Gesick "How To Reduce A Fat Woman" By Ryder Moore "How To Recognize Poisonous Plants In The Wild" By Ivan Awfulitch "How To Read A Book" By Paige Turner "How to Raise Cattle" by Beau Vine "How To Quench Your Children's Thirst" By Susan Smith "How to Overcome Stress" By R.E. Lachs "How To Make Honey" By B. A. Beaman "How to Make Festive Christmas Decorations" by Holly Berry "How To Make Cornmeal Pancakes" By Johnny Cake "How To Make A Tourniquet" By Hank R. Schiff "How To Make A Million" by N.Odette Snowe "How To Lose Weight" By X. R. Sizemore "How To Lie And Get Away With It" By B. S. Artist "How To Keep Your Conference On Topic" By Mod R. Ator "How To Have Fun" By Meryl Lee "How To Handle Nitroglycerine" By E. C. Duzzit "How To Go Dutch On A Plane" By K. L. Emm "How To Go Broke Fast" By B. X. Travagant "How To Get Rich Quick" By Robin Banks, Jack Potts, & Kermit Grimes "How To Get Attention" By A. U. Overthere "How To Fix A TV Set" By Yul B. Sorry "How to Draw" By Ellis Strait "How To Deal With The Media" By P. R. Department "How To Cut Grass" By Lon Moore "How to Cook a Steak" By Porter House "How To Break In" By Jimmy De Lock "How To Boast Successfully" By Ivor Biggun "How To Become Famous" By M. N. Ent "How To Beat A Murder Rap" By Scott Free "How To Be Noticed" By Stan Dout "How To Be A Vague Soldier" By General Lee "How To Be A Lumberjack" By Tim Burr "How To Be A Con Artist" By E. Z. Money "How to Avoid Food Poisoning" by Sam O'Nella "How To Avoid Drug Dealers" By Groyer Owndope "How To Apologize" By Thayer Thorry "How To Annoy" By Aunt Agonize "How To Address An Audience" By M. C. Speaker "How The Internet Has Enriched My Life" By Whine N. Hack "How Radio Works" By Anne Tenna "How I Won The Marathon" By Randy Hoelway "How I Got Rich" By Jack Potts "How I Creamed Russia" By Ivan Jakinoff "Housing Problem" By Rufus Quick "Housework" By Dustin Cook "Household Hints" by Eunice A Spott "House Plants" By Clay Potts "House Construction" By Bill Jerome Holme "Hot Under The Collar" By X. O. Thermic "Hot Stuff!" By K. N. Pepper "Hot Dog!" By Frank Furter "Hooker" By Wanna Bawl "Hong's Life Story" By His Hung Low. "Home, Sweet Home" By A. Bachelor "Home of the Liberty Bell" By Phil A. Delphia "Home Decorating" By Matt Emulsion "Home Alone III, The Sequel" By Annie Buddyhome "Holmes Does It Again" By Scott Linyard "Hollywood Gossip" By Phyllis Zinn "Hole In The Bed" By Mr. Completely "Hockey For Grandparents" By Jerry Hattrick "Hiya Fella" By Gladys Eeya "Hitler's Beaten" By V. E. Daye "Hit Below The Belt" By Lord Howitt Hertz "History Of Professional Football" By N. F. Ell "History Of Professional Basketball" By N. B. Yay "History Of Exxon" By Phil Errup "History Of Borden's Dairy Products" By L. C. Decow "His Girl Thursday" By Herman Friday "Highway Travel" By Dusty Rhodes "He's Contagious!" By Lucas Measles "Hertz, Don't It?" By Lisa Carr "Hernia" By Wung Hung Hai And Wung Hung Lo. "Here's Pus In Your Eye" By Lance Boyle "Herbally Yours" By Penny Royal "Held Hostage by Italian Terrorists!" By Aldo Anything "Health For Life" By Don B. Sikk "Head Of Security" By Barb Dwyer "He Disappeared!" By Otto Sight "Hazardous Driving" By I. C. Rhodes "Hawaiian Love Song" By Comonwiwanalayya "Have Fun At The Hospital!" By N. M. Uhh "Harvesting Wild Plants" By Dudley Nightshade "Happy New Year!" By Mary Christmas "Handling Your Emotions" By Mel. N. Collie "Handicapping Horseraces" by Winn Pace Shuo "Handel's Messiah" By Ollie Luyah "Handbook Of Great Art" By B. U. Teeful "Hand It All Over!" By I. R. Ess "Halloween Activities" By Bob N. Forapples "Hair Styles" By Bobby Pin "Gunslingers With Gas" By Wyatt Urp "Guide To Mixology" By Bart Ender "Guide to California" by Anna Heim "Guarding The Door" By Sergeant Atarms "Gretna Green" By Marion Secret "Greeting Sheep Strangers" By Hugh R. Ewe "Green Lawn Chairs" By Patty O'Furniture "Greek Unbeliever!" By Hera Tick "Great Tennis Matches" By Davis Skupp "Great New York City Hotels" By S. X. House "Great Men Named Gene" By Imagene Tu "Great Jazz Pianists" By U. B. Blake "Greasy Spoon" By Chris Coe "Grave Mistakes" By Paul Bearer "Grain" By Ryan Dotes "Good Works" By Ben Evolent "Good Steak!" By T. Bone "Good Housekeeping" By Lottie Dust "Good For A Placemat" By B. A. Degree "Gone With The Wind" By George Uh "Gone Fishing" By Rod Annette "Golly Gosh!" By G. Whiz "Golfer's Sandwich" By B. L. Tee "Golfer's Caffeine Source" By T. T. Hott "Going Ape" By Bab Boone "Go Away!" By Ron Onhome "Girl On A Budget" By Penny Pincher "Ginger Vs. Mary Ann, You Decide!" By S. S. Minnow "Getting Into Debt" By I. O. Lots "Getting Even" By Lorena Bobbitt "Getting Away With Arson" By Bea Atf "Get Up, Lazybones" By Y. R. Yewsleeping "Get To The Point!" By Rhonda Bout "Get Out There!" By Sally Forth "Get Moving, Slowpoke!" By Harriet Upp "Get Moving!" By Sheik Aleg "Get In Shape!" By P. E. Class "Genie In A Bottle" By Grant Wishes "Geez, It's Hot!" By Mike Hammeldyed "Gay Life in America" by Ben Dover, with a Foreward by Phil Ashio "Gas Stations" By Phil Erupp "Garlic Gone Bad" By D. K. Stinky "Gardening" by Tom Mato "Gardening With The Ex-President" By Rose Bush "Gangway!" By Hedda Steam "Game Laws for 1917" by G.A. Lawyer "Gambling" By Monty Carlos "Funny Astronomy Texts" By Alma Jest "Fundamentals Of T'ai Ch'i Chuan" By Amanda Rekkinwitt "Fundamentals Of Dermatology" By Lance Boyle, M.D. "Fun Times In The Sleeping Bag" By Nap Sack "Fun On The Mattress" By Master Bates "Full Moon" By Seymour Buns "Fried Chicken" By Ken Tucky "French Overpopulation" By Francis Crowded "French Cousine" By Sue Flay "French Cheeses" By Cam M. Bert "French Cars" By Myra Neault "Fred Can Philosophize!" By Immanuel Kant "Frankenstein Meets Dracula" By Horace Tory "Fortune Telling" By Crystal Ball "Forest Sojourns" By Syl Vann And Piney Woods "Fore!" By I. T. Off "Foot Problems of Big Lumberjacks" By Paul Bunion "Foot Coverings" By Susan Socks "Fly By Night Gift Distribution" By S. Claus "Flogging in the Army" By Corporal Punishment "Flips And Tumbles" By Jim Nastics "Flatulence For The Thin" By F.A.R.T Allthetime "Fixing Computer Programs" By Dee Bugger "Fitted Carpets" By Walter Wall "Fistfights" By Donny Brooke "Fish Story" By Rod Enreel "First Step To French Fries" By P. L. Potatoes "First Aid For Kids" By O. O. Owie "Fire Me Up!" By Matt Chez "Finger Play" By Jacob Sladder "Find Another Lonely Heart" By Q. Pid "Filters" by Crystal N. Ductance "Fill In The Box" By Mark Detest "Fibs I've Told" By Liza Little "Fences" By Barb Dwyer "Feelings" By Cara Lott "Favorite Sleepwear" By P. J. Bottoms "Favorite Sandwiches" By P. B. Enjam "Fat Lady In The Sideshow" By Ellie Funt "Fastest Gun In The West" By Everett Deready "Fashion Models" By Q. T. Pye "Fancy Light Fixtures" By Sean D'Olier "Famous Nursery Rhymes" By Pat E. Cake "Falling Trees' By Tim Burr "Fallen Underwear" By Lucy Lastic "Fade Away" By Peter Out "Ex-Presidential Retreat" By Kenny Bunkport "Explosives Made Easy * Vol II" By Click N. Boom "Explosives Made Easy * Vol I" By Stan Wellback "Explosive Beverages" By T. N. Tee "Exploring The Dutch Frontier" By Will Der Ness "Explaining It Better" By Clara Fie "Expensive Universities" By I. V. League "Exotic Irish Plants" By Phil O'Dendron "Exercise On Wheels" By Cy Kling "Exercise For Pleasure" By Charlie Haws "Everything Explained" By Kitt N. Caboodle "Everything But.." travelogue compiled by Kitt Chance Inc "Everyone's After Me!" By Y. E. Farthead "Everyone Needs A Gun!" By N. R. Ray "Everyday Repairs" By Pat Chupp "Events In The Soviet Union" By Perry Stroika "Errors and Accidents" By Miss Takes and Miss Haps "Equine Leg Cramps" By Charlie Horse "English Breakfast" By Chris P. Bacon And Ann Negg "Enforcing Discipline In The Army" By M. P. Copps "Encyclopedia Of Poisons" By R. C. Nick "Encounter With A Skunk" By P. U. Reek "En Garde!" By Drew Blood "Employment Handbook" By Ernie Living "Embarrassing Infectious Diseases" By V. D. Clinic "Elevator Maintenance" By Upson Downs "Elementary Mathematics" By Won Tu Fee "Electrical Wiring Made Easy" By A. C. Deesey "EEC Strict Liability in 1992" By D.E. THIEFfry "Echinoderms" By C. Q. Cumber And C. Lily "Ecclesiastical Infractions" By Cardinal Sin "Eating Disorders" By Anna Rexia "Easy Listening" By F. M. Radio "East Coast Universities" By Cora Nell "East Coast Resorts" By Nan Tuckett "Early History Of The Beatles" By P. S. Iluvya "Dwelling Places Of Some Native Americans" By T. P. Tent "Dumb African Animals" By Zany Zebra "Dull Razor" By Nick Shaving "Dull Pain" By A. King "Drunk And Disorderly" By Honour Bender "Drums And Trumpets" By Major Headache "Drummed To Death" By Tom Tomb "Drink No More!" By A. A. Member "Draughts" By Isadora Jarr "Drafted!" By Abel Boddeed "Downpour!" By Wayne Dwops "Down The Flagpole" By Dick Burns "Down South" By Louise Yanner "Don't Wake The Baby" By Elsie Cries "Don't Tread On Me" By Amanda B. Reckonwith "Don't Give Up" By Percy Vere "Don't Fence Me In" By Bob Wire "Don't Do Anything Rash" By Jacques Itch "Don't Ask Me" By Howard I. Know "Dog's Dinner" By Nora Bone "Dog Training." By Wille Bite "Docking Your Boat" By Pierre Juan "Do It Yourself" By Tyrone Shoelaces "Do It Now!" By P. D. Cue "Do As I Do, Not As I Say" By M. U. Late "Diving In Assholes" By Greg Luganis "Discipline In The Home" By Wilma Child Begood "Disasters" by Kat A Stroffey "Disappearing Act" By Fay Daway "Dirty Harry Is... " By Amanda B. Reckondwith "Dinner That Mooves You" By V. L. Scallopini "Dieting Made Easy" By Ann O'Rexic "Didn't Make It To The Hospital" By D. O. Way "Destructive Cats" By Claude Sofa "Desert Crossing" By I. Rhoda Camel "Descriptions Of Heaven" By Pearly Gates "Defunct Nations" By Sophie Etunion "Deflections" By Rick O'Shea "Defeat Of A Lion Tamer" By Claud Bottom. "Deep-sea Diving" by Cora LeRief "Deep Secrets" By Kent Tellem "Decorating Your Mousehole" By Minnie Blinds "Dealing With Mistakes" By E. Ray Sur "Dealing With Fractions" By Lois C. Denominator "D-Day" By Norman D. Landing "Day In The Life Of A Dentist" By Phil McAvity "Danger!" By Luke Out "Dan Quayle's Englush Skils" By Sammy Literate "Dairy Products Will Kill You" by S.Kim Milke illustrations by Chet Terr "Daily Retention" By Peter Knight "Daddy are We There Yet?" By Miles Away "Cut The Grass!" By Moses Lawn "Cures For Impotence" By Hugh G. Rection "Cuddly Toys" By Ted E. Behr "Cry Wolf" By Al Armist "Crowd Control" By General Panic "Crossing Rivers" By Bridget Fast "Crocodile Dundee" By Ali Gator "Crimes" By Cyrus N Tentz "Crime Does Pay" By Robin Banks "Crime Does Not Pay" By Laura Norder "Crackdown" By Lauren Order "Covered Walkways" By R. Kade "Cosmetology" By Rosie Cheeks "Cooking With Spices" By Dillan Terry Gonn forward by Herb R Goode "Cooking Spaghetti" By Al Dente "Contraception" By I. U. Dee "Continental Breakfast" By Roland Coffy "Confessions Of A Gold Digger" By Emile Ticket "Concussion" By I.C.Stars "Computer Programming Made Easy" By I. B. Emm "Computer Memories" By Meg Abight "Compendium Of Useless Tidbits" By S. O. Terrick "Compact Cars Of The World" By V. W. Bugg "Come On Mom, Pleeeeease?" By G. Y. Nott "Come On In!" By Doris Open "Columbus, Vespucci, And Me" By Enzo Diurth "College For Soldiers" By G. I. Bill "College Basketball In The South" By N. C. State "College Athletics" By Nancy Dubblelay "Cold Winter Month" By Jan U. Arie "Clothes For Germ Kings" By Mike Robes "Cloning" By Irma Dubble II "Clever Replies" By F. U. Two "Clementine" By Omar Darling "Classic Groceries" By Chopin Liszt "Civil War Medical Techniques" by Saul Legoff "Civil War Firearms" By Captain Ball "Circuit Analysis" By E. E. Major "Circle Perimiter" By Sir Cumference "Christmas For Baldies" By Yule Brynner "Choosing A Graduate School" by Dr. Masters D. Gree "Choosing A College" by Dr. LeBatt Che Lores "Chirpin' and Jumpin'" By Katie Didd "Chinese Revenge" By Hoo Flung Dung "Chinese Population Explosion" By Wi Phucom Yung "Chinese Cooking Utensils" By Won Long Pan "Chinese Apathy" By Hu Cares "Children's Songbook" By Skip Tumalu "Childcare" by Pat E Cake "Chicago Gangs Of The '30's" By Tommy Gunn "Chef" By Sue Flay "Cheer For Your Team!" By E. A. Hoo "Cheating on His Wife" By Izzy Backyet "Cheaper Than IBM" By P.C. Clone "Causing The Greenhouse Effect" By C. O. 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BANG!!!! Sound of head smashing into stage manager's podium.

Very interesting, Dragonlady, but what
will you do for an encore?

I think that only goes to show that some people just have too much time on their hands....



Bassman

Did she cut and paste that material
from another web site? Is she trying to
win the prize (assuming that there is one)
by posting every pun that has ever been
spun?

Is she trying to spin gold from haws?

Well, maybe one tin lead to another and not even the most iron of convictions could stop her.

Methinks tis mostly fool's gold.

I try not to "metal" in the affairs of others, and I have been amassing these "nuggets" of wisdom for almose 25 years
I've had to do something to be able to keep my sanity while I've been so unkindly dropped into the "smelter" of life, and been "cast" into such a precarious position of parenting the miniature terrorists people often label as *children*

This one is from my children's father

A pick-up expressed in musical terms:

hymn (the guy)
bar line (where he meets her)
sax (what he wants)
suite (what he says she is)
sheet music (what she puts on the CD player in her room)
sol-fa (what they lie down on)
"Triad!" (he suggests tying her up with a major chord)
"Duet!" (her answer)
staff (what he pulls out next)
score (what he does)
no treble (what he's had)
a trill (what he assumes she's had)
a C note (what she hopes for)
forte (what she's willing to accept)
a tenor (what he ends up paying)
"Bass!" (what she calls him)
"Pitch!" (what he calls her)

Very Cleff-er



Bassman

Has the savage breast been soothed by music, then?

She was wearing a very naughty G- string.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.

Victor Borge 1909-2000

I actually had a bowed-string instrument argument conversation today trying to rank them by size.