h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome and join the hood! I doubt our mighty Thog is ing.. more like ... or possibly depending on the time of day.

As for the virgins we can give them to Lurcher if he dares show his self. That'll get his iness downright ticked and lead him to come back and claim his right.

A lone warrior steps into the temple, carrying a large bag. Her cloak is torn and battered, as is her body, for she has travelled a great distance. She steps forth to the deities and slowly turns her bag inside out, emptying it of several pounds of beef jerky, all nicely wrapped in air-tight pouches. Some of it is spicy.
The warrior then reaches into a small bag at her waist and procures another packet from it. "O wise ones," she calls out. "Receive this gift from my native land!"
With this, she kneels and lays down the packet, which contains the Holy Chex Mix. Cereal made from rice, wheat, and corn is contained within, as well as nuts, pretzels, rye chips, bagel chips, and little cheesy crackers.
Once the offering has been made, the warrior stands upright and inquires, "The Ranters' Guild sends this gift in hopes that we might become allies, and shout very loudly with thee."
The warrior then waits for an answer....

WOOHOO!!! Is that Chex mix I smell?

*dives head first into the package of chex mix - and happily starts munching away.*

Mmmmm!!! Don'd gid be wronk (she says with a mouthfull of chex mix) Beernuds ar fine - bud thid id wonerful!

*suddenly realizes she's sprawled on the floor shoving handfuls of chex mix into her mouth*



*stands up, straightens out her priestess gowns and composes herself*

I, FIRST HIGH PRIESTESS OF THE TEMPLE OF DO HEREBY ACCEPT YOUR VERY IMPRESSIVE GIFT, AND WELCOME YOU AS AN ACOLYTE INTO THE TEMPLE OF .



So feel free to anytime you want, virgins are in that room ----->, beer and beer nuts are over there <------------. This is his Holiness's ing throneroom (grabs the stack of junk mail off of the holy throne and tosses it back behind the curtains). Um, have I forgotten anything? Oh yeah - recycled virgins go in that bin over yonder, the Second High Priestess is named Batty (I think she's allergic to chex mix so you might want to just let me take the rest of that )

AS A DAUGHTER OF YOU SHALL BE OBLIGATED TO , AND THEN TIL THE COWS COME HOME, (notwithstanding the occaisional s here and there of course! ) YOU SHALL GO FORTH AND SPREAD THE JOY OF AMONGST THE LESS AND THOU SHALT HEAL THE UNABLE AND MAKE THEM y AND IT SHALL BE GOOD!

Unless of course you're tired from your journey and you'd just like to take a ing nap!

I ing thank thee, O wise one!
Allow me to present another gift from my native land.

Now, dost thou have any cute brunette lesbians? I careth not if they art ing virgins.

The Temple of makes no such distinctions Madman. We are an e qual opportunity ing organization. The only time we get really picky is when it comes to the sacrifical virgins. I mean - either they're a ing virgin or they're not - there's no grey area there!

Our great leader "Thog of the Droopy Loincloth" (depending on if he has a fresh loincloth on or not ) prefers the virgins to be blond. Of course the Second High Priestess and myself like a little bit more variety - in as much as we also like male virgins of different hair/eye/skin coloring, etc. So we pretend they're all blond and all female (or hide the others) so that his Royal iness doesn't see them.

Granted he is "all-knowing, all-powerful" but he's a in' male after all - know what I mean Vern?

So help yourself - just remember that you have to clean up after yourself - no one is going to put your ed virgins in the recycle bin for you. Oh yeah, and bring more Chex mix!

You in' got it!

Ya mind if I keep this, er, "virgin"? She's kinda fun! She makes a good grilled cheese sandwich, too.

*trips Michele and dives gracelessly into the pool of Chex Mix*

Allergic my

*tips the Southern Comfort upside down, runs and IV and gets good and in' "comfy"*

Welcome Madman! We admire your initiative, Chex Mix and overall iness! As for the virgins don't worry about any leanings - the nice thing about sacrificial virgins is they're just happy to be ed instead of sacrificed so I'm sure they will truly admire another acolyte of such , and utterly y

I'm glad my ing gifts are appreciated here. Allow me to bring in more....


Lemme see here.....Chex Mix, Gardettos, crisps of every flavor, pretzels...ah, Farlander must have packed these in - donburi cake rolls! Never try the ing candy, it's godawful nasty! Oh, and here's the ing jerky and beernuts. Now, if someone will help me open this 300oz jar of ing cheesy salsa and tap the kegs, we'll have a in' party goin' on!

Woohoo!

*hauls in the emergency backup hot tub for the cheese salsa then summons over a few of the burly eunuchs to open the jar*

in' steroids.. such a waste!

*hands Madman a keg tap, dons her ho red water wings and takes her customary position doing the backstroke in the fountain*

*does a backstroke in the cheesy salsa*

BELLYFLOP!!!!

Oh drat! I got cheesy salsa on my virgin... oh well

cheesy virgins? does that qualify as an hors doeuvre or main course?

Ah - come on Batty - we're priestesses - it's just a snack!

Oingkay... there is something SERIOUSLY ing wrong with the mental image of cheesy ing virgins... amybe it's just me, but me if that does not sound rather ing strange.



Anyinghoo... so ing wonderful to see new ing members of here... and good to ing see that one ing who shall remain uned the rest of his ing life did NOT succeed in shutting down my ing lovely Temple of . Excellent!!!

Myself, I'd rather not discuss the I've been up to for the past ing age... in a nutshell, I ed, got ed, and was royally ed at the end of it, which is not quite as ing y as it might sound but I learned a good ing from the whole anyway, so I guess it's all ing good...
Top o' the to all of you beautiful s, and my the be with you

*vanishes into the back room to see about a few of those 'blonde' virgins*

*walks in and catches a whiff of hedgehog in loincloth*

Thog???

Holy

Woohoo!!!!!!

*breaks out some fresh beernuts and , not forgetting the jerky*

OMG!!!!!!!

O mighty ing Thog! You have graced us with your wonder-ing-ful presence! We beseech thine and present on behalf of our ing Ranters' Guild, this ing gift of Chex Mix, Pringles, Gardettos, Cheezy dip, and Combos.
on!

Welcome back O Thog!!!!

It's a ing wonderful day to finally meet you now that I have dedicated to and all its perversities.

Those blonde virgins I brought you have not collected yet have ing rolled in sals and chex mix hoping to get a god ing licking for doing so. I promised they would be naughty!

Offerings of Beernuts, Kerky and for your enjoyment. (We Priestesses really snould get smilies for ALL offerings, whatta ya think?

Here My God, I embroidered this with your ing Name upon it for - uhhh - errr oh whatever you like.

Glad you are back!

I missed him! I was working at ing Ozzfest, where I got to hear a whole lot of ! this ing job!

Ah well. Welcome back, Thog!

I do hope he favors us with another in' post.. instead of whooshing in, ing all the blonde virgins (yeah - now there's an oxymoron for you - we had to bleach them!), eating all the ing offerings then fooping out, leaving only a faint ing whiff of loincloth and hedgehogs in his y wake..