h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

not exactly a stretch is it Michele?

after Batty, waving a stalk of celery at her...

::gets out the cream cheese::

Diet food!!!

Goodness me. That is a difficult one Meg!.

Virgins?

Used Virgins?

There was I, knocking my head out over trying to feed any Vampires who might be coming. I have contacted the local abbatoir and they have offered me some packs of blood which they keep for their rsearch into mozzies and malaria.

I have heard that Unicorns are partial to the milk of human kindness. I have a very good source of that from several friends so will keep a few buckets handy both for the Unicorn and for any other mythical beast such as Pegasus who might be coming.
What a party. Such prancing and leaping about.

I am planning on having several types of music on tap - literally. Some of which the gazelles can "pronk" to.
"Pronking" is a dance done by gazelles during the mating season, when they jump gracefullly up and down in one spot.

So glad you are all coming.

Have a wnderful day.

AR1

Dear Marie Antoinette/Shea

I am sorry, but I FLATLY refuse to have a guillotine at my party.!!! So you will have to come with your King, who will also NOT be guillotined. That can come later!

Incidentally have you found a good wig-maker? I am having a slight problem with my wig which I have ordered. I want it to be of spun gold threads and It seems that the specialists they usually emply have all been busy on other very mundane tasks. Hopefully they will be able to make what I want in time.

With

AR1

Dear phelox, big

Well, the bell from Notre Dame MIGHT just be big enough!! You will be able to ring all night if it pleases you. That is unless you find some other bell(e)s to tinkle with!

With affectiona
AR1

Dear Caerwyn,
So glad you can make it. How about coming as the White Queen? that would be apt if I remember correctly.
Looking forward to seeing you.

AR1

Dear Michele,
Go on talking about decisions out loud. You make me laugh and laugh....A head of brocolli - a haemorrhoid (how on earth did you do that. My imagination refused to even consider the thought!!)
But keep on, dear heart. That is the whole idea of this party. the laughs we can have.

So far an amourous unicorn (Meg) has accepted; the others are still thinking about their costumes. Dr. Munchkin has accepted but is undcided about his costume. I do hope that we have a few wild Scotsmen in kilts.** I have laid in haggis (specially made from wolves stomachs and the best wheat from Canada) ready for them. Plus of course an excellent malk whisky.

Marie Antoinette(Shea) worries me as I do not want to have a guillotine at the party. On the other hand there was life before the execution, so this will have to be pre-Bastille Day party.

Anyway, keep your suggestions rolling my love.

Affectionately

AR1
** Ooh dear!! Perhaps Scotsmen do not consider that kilts are fancy dress costumes. Perhaps they are for those who are not Scotsmen - on the other hand perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.....

Dearest Batty,

"Unused virgins from the temple of

Now that is something to look forward to!!.

Lurcher should be pleased with those!!
Thanks for all your help. I am getting more excited by the day!. And not in the least bothered by being such an ancient crock!!.
With affection

AR1

Dear Bernadette

I am so glad you can come. I'm confused as to whether you consider yourself a used but unused virgin, or a virgin ....oh dear what do I mean..... I'm confused. I think that Meg is categorical about the vbeing unused. But when does a virgin become an unused virgin?
It is a profound question I fear. Much too profound for an old biddy of nearly 75!!.

with affection

AR1

Dear Batty,

I am having eclairs made with fat-free cream....OOh Aaah

Meringues made with fat-free cream......ooh Aaah

Black Forest chocolate cake made with - yes you guessed it - fat free cream.

So you do not need to talk about diet food - or celery or anything that is definitely healthy!!.

Everything I love which is either forbidden, fattening or exotic will be to hand...

And the knickerbocker glories are to die for!.

Then of course there will be
Golden Cadillacs
Green mambas,
Brandy alexanders

All made with the finest liquers and fat free cream.
wonderful stuff fat-free cream. If only.......

AR1

I could be the hunchback of notre dame, but I do not French..

I mean I do not speak French

I've thought and thought about my costume, and although it requires some emergency liposuction and surgical leg lengthening, nothing is too good for AR1's party, so I will be coming as...















Miss America!



*s off to find an appropriate tiara, swimsuit and sash to wear*

No, I'm not an unused virgin. Isn't that just a virgin? (And incidentally, how can one be EXTRA virgin? Either you are or you aren't!) I'm a non-practicing virgin. Which isn't quite the same as a lapsed virgin. I'm actively committed to not practicing virginity, where as a lapsed virgin isn't really committed one way or the other.

I shall put the kettle on before this starts virgin on the ridiculous....

You're beginning to sound like Paul H.

A non-practising virgin? Hmmm... how about a "recovering virgin" or maybe an "apprentice virgin"?

By the way AR1, one year in college, this guy came dressed as as a picnic table. He had a piece of plywood strapped to his back, with a red and white gingham tablecloth stapled to it. He also had a place setting for four, knives and forks and a real pizza stappled to the table!. When he bent over and pulled down the tablecloth, everyone thought he was an actual table!
Seems to me I remember he did have trouble getting in and out of the door though...

Of course I could just get a long haired wig, wear a black dress with a stain on it and go as Monica Lewinsky...

Should I tell you about the costume I saw that had a guy wearing a Bill Clinton mask ... he had "Monica" strapped to the front of him ...

Perhaps I should come beheaded already ... hmm ...

Oy vey!



Actually - is the reason quite a few of the virgins are "used"... sokay though - we just recycle them as waitstaff..