h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Drink to me only with thine eyes
and I will share with you my large goblet of wine
along with a bag of freshly cooked French fries.
I will even give you my favourite Dr Who magazine
and a picture of my dear beloved Labrador pup.
So come to my home and sample my specially made pork pies
and listen to my very funny parrot repeat the word yup
whenever I pulling up my trouser's zip
or even when I put on one of my multicoloured ties
or even when I am eating a chocolate walnut whip.

The Walnut Whip's story


A Walnut was unsure, of what to be
A mound of chocolate he did gladly see
"May I sit on top of thee?"
They lived long after, happily

Every hour I want to go up to the clock tower
to activate my mutant DNA and get a new superhuman power.
But all I want to do is have a very deep think
about being connected to the multi dimensional psychic link.

And when I am not in the tower I am at the Cafe
with Renee and Hosea and their sentient dancing toupee.
We all wait for the time when we will all be called
to join Captain Britain who's adventures have kept being enthralled.

I love both of the above The second reminds me of the story of the fairy asking Santa what she should do with the Christmas tree after accidentally knocking him over with it.

Caesar's feet were feeling cold
He'd swapped his boots for a piece of gold
His toes were blue as a fierce Brit's face
Now they laughed at him with his limping pace
"Carl come here and give me a carry"
"I've got a sore arm why not ask Harry."
"You can't ask me. I'm not your man
"Ask Dudley Moore he's quite a fan."
So Caesar turned to little Dud
"Please lift your hero out the mud!"
"It's pay me now or wait till later
"I've a living to earn, oh great Dictator."
"I've only gold inside my loin cloth"
"Car has a shilling and a smaller coin, both!"
Jules snatched the loot "Thanks, H, I see 'em
"That's fixed it then! Here! Car' pay DM."

Cross post!
You wait all day for a poem
and then 3 come all at once
You thought that you might know 'em
As they bounce around in your bonce.

We grow quietly from strenght to strenght
Liken to timid mushrooms
Up heaving motorway along it lenght

I waited for hours at the poem stop.
"What's delaying the poems?" I wondered.
My foot fell asleep, so I had to hop.
Atlast a poem came, but it blundered.

Poems be in and out of mind
Ponder not
They’ll come, you’ll find

I had a very strange dream that I had become Spiderwoman.
I flew from building to building with a great deal of ease.
Behind me was Peter Parker carrying Desperate Dan
and a group of Comic Con paparazzi who were swaying in the cool breeze.

The city that found myself in was a cross between New York and London
where there were treble decker sentient and yellow cabs
along with Sloane Rangers and IT girls all dressed in the finest chiffon.
There were even Beefeaters directing traffic and offices inside of prefabs.

On all the streets women walked their dogs.
Motorcyclists wore chiffon rather than leather.
The Witch of the Upper West Side turned to frogs
All who dared to complain about the weather.

Ill never utter a word
The weather, how absurd
I like to walk along
Not hop, “rib- bit” or of pond pong

I am living in the land that time has forgot.
where life has stayed the same for 9000 years.
People travel on water by an enchanted yacht
and they go to work as Ministry of Magic volunteers.

There are talking bears that live in large chalets and villas
and wolves who live in country farm houses with large estates.
They would sell their wares of fish and game whilst wearing lace mantillas.
And would make their own fruit conserves made of berries and dates.

Money does not exist as everything is done through bartering.
And either they accept goods for exchange for their assistance and help.
People have exchanged goods for help to clean out their guttering
as well as been given healing potions made from seaweed and kelp.

It was a placid lake in he mountains.
The surface was smooth, except where a fish
Captured a water-strider. Near the fountain,
Three girls came to make a wish.

Run to the hills with a box of chill pills.
Run to the village where the deer chills out with beer.
Run to the mountains covered in wind mills.
Run to the Town Crier who's always full of cheer.
Run to the pub to join the real ale club.
Run to the village corner shop to get a bottle of pop.
Run to the garden centre to buy a lilac flower shrub.
Run to the village shop and shop until you drop.

Beyond the blue horizon,
In turquoise lagoons
Where black and yellow striped fish
Dart among the mossy rocks,

An auburn-haired mermaid sings
her sad song of love denied.
Fish and snails once tried
To comfort her. Her tears they dried,

But no, Her broken heart
Could not be mended by their smiles.
A thin, pencil-necked geek,
In a distant office cubicle,

An erstwhile diver in that lagoon,
Healed sick hard drives and killed viruses,
But had no inkling of the heart
That had broken for him

In that turquoise lagoon
Where black and yellow striped fish
Dart among the mossy rocks,
And a mermaid sings of her lost love.

[Heartbreak is a staple in songs, stories, and poems. ]

Come to me my dear love and share this cup of wine
when sailing together with our cat and dog down the river Tyne.
As we gaze to the stars and the full moon eating bowls of prunes
with our silver spoons with our pets who are both holding balloons.
Come and practise parseltongue if we see any snakes and wave our magic wands
casting out our patronus charms to all those who sold us our saving bonds.

We were sailing along by moonlight on the bay,
Watching stars and singing songs by Bizet.
The glow of moonlight formed a path across the sea
As we ate brie on French bread, washed down with chablis.

Give me laughter and a happy ever after.
Give me sunshine and a bottle of wine.
Give me a roof grafter and a story drafter.
Give me chocolates and a new washing line.