Journal Entries

Milla is a little sad and worried

I suppose I should have hope in humanity, and faith in people.

But today, I'm finding it hard.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [22]

Latest reply: Nov 10, 2016

Milla starts a new job

It's been 8 years since I applied for a job, until this spring. But I did, and I got one, and I started today.
I have the chic title of Document Controller - managing the paperbased documentation, as well as the documentation and issue management system.
Lots to learn, a bunch of people to get to know, and MY OWN OFFICE! My own chair, desk, shelves, and a door to close if I want to! That's been a while - consultants usually make do with a spare chair from a meeting room, and a table at the wrong height...
After the first day, I'm happy but tired, and it's time for bed now.
smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [13]

Latest reply: Sep 12, 2016

Milla plays at Artisting on Stage

I am so inordinately proud! This week, I've been in a workshop every day, with seven others. We've learned seven different pieces from musicals, of very varying character! So much lyrics to learn, acting and staging to remember, and harmonies to nail! It's been great. We ranged in age from 11 to 48 years old, and it was so much fun! Also, very exhausting, of course, especially since I have gotten used to a quiet house on my own, and now there's a dozen people, a baby and a dog (for break time relief...) and regular coffee breaks with sandwiches and cake.
And then on Saturday, we had the finishing show for parents/children/siblings/partners etc.
An amazing journey, from wobbling knees and voices to lights, costumes and props, and mics taped to our faces in a full blown mini show.
We all overcame our anxieties and bloomed.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [12]

Latest reply: Aug 14, 2016

Milla just posts something

Because it's been a while.

Not that I have much to say, though. I still spend too much time in my head. I still think there might be something odd about me, but not as odd as to diagnose. I still make people upset when something grabs my attention and I blurt out something and interrupt someone talking.

I'm back at work, but mostly waiting for things to happen so that I can do my stuff. It's boring.

I do little things for h2g2 behind the scenes, but mostly admire the people who actually slog on, with publishing etc, and with moderation, and fixing techy things. smiley - herosmiley - hero all of them.

My aunt was buried last week, same sort of cancer that killed my mum got her too. Church was full of people - she was a very social person, engaged in lots of circles of friends and organisations. And of course relatives, all her children with families, her siblings, and some nieces/nephews (my cousins). It's good to see family, even though it's a sad occasion.

I have worked on the garden shed, but it feels never ending. The other day, I scrubbed the last side to prepare for painting. The wood on that side is in good condition so I didn't have to replace it, like on the other sides. But man, that was a struggle. The end of the hedge comes close up, and a large, beautiful rose bush... So I was constantly stuck in thorns and poked by twigs. And that blasted nerve pinch in my neck kept me awake most of the night. Makes me extra grumpy when I don't sleep. I really like sleep. Did I tell you I'm sleepy?

So. What's up in your lives? What did you do for the Guide lately? What did you do for your home?

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [41]

Latest reply: Aug 11, 2015

Milla is Hypocondriac

Or not even that, really, maybe smiley - laugh

I keep feeling that I'm not quite right, or don't quite fit in the world. So I keep reading things, and taking online tests and so on.

One thing has felt really good, looking at MBTI type things. And this one fits me really well:

But then I also look at Asperger's tendencies. I *know* I'm not severe in any way, if even that. But there are times when I can't seem to communicate what I mean or how I feel to people. So, maybe to a slight degree. Or, it's just normal to feel inadequate at times. But how many times is a significicant number?

And I stumbled across Highly Sensitive Person things - and some of it fits with the INFP thing, others not so much. I do get exhausted from too many people in a crowd, noisy places, noisy places with several conversations at once smiley - headhurts, visual noise (shopping centers with all the colours and impressions and different styles of each shop, for example). So, to some degree, this too. Or not. Maybe I'm just difficult.

Next, I worry about hypothyroidism. Of course. And I wonder how many of the symptoms you should check off before being taken seriously. Half? A third? 75%? And of these?
Again, I don't have all the symptoms. Of the ones I would say "YES, that I have" I think most are low grade. And then there's the slow weight gain, that just isn't coming off. Low energy, physical and mental. Depressive/dysthymic. Low heart rate, low body temperature. Memory things - short time and working memory are fine, I took a test. But long term? Lots of things are just gone, and it feels horrible to be reminded, and *still* not remembering.

And if it's the hypothyroidism, perhaps that could explain the HSP? Or is that an aspect of INFP?

One thing is for sure though, I spend too much time inside my head.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [17]

Latest reply: May 19, 2015

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