Journal Entries

Milla has another thing - ladies business, fair warning.

For a while, I've been gaining some weight, and the last ten days my belly has been really big.
I worried like mad, because the first really big sign of my mum's colon cancer was fluid in the abdomen. And then she died in six months.
So yesterday I went to the ER, and the actually took me seriously.
But it wasn't fluids. The regular ER sent me across the street, to the next building, to the gynaecology department.
Who took me in, and gave me a detailed ultrasound exam.
I have myomas.
Really big muscle tissue lumps in my uterus. One at about 4 cm, the other one 8 by 10 cm, approx.
And you know what?
I am sooooo relieved.
It's not fluid in my abdomen, due to cancer.
Myomas are very rarely malignant.
So now I'm waiting for the referral to come through, and get an appointment with the specialists there. I'm expecting a hysterectomy. And frankly? Bring it on. My periods have been painful for years, and I have all the children I want to have.

The doctor described to me, that my uterus is so enlarged, it's about the size of an 18 week pregnancy. Feels like it tbh.

But I'm not in pain, only uncomfortable. And I'm not scared.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [12]

Latest reply: Oct 11, 2020

Milla has ... things.

The chronic thing is - ta-daa - ADHD!
Got diagnosed in December, and it explains so much...
Still on trial levels of medication, and I can't say there's a huge difference.

The temporary thing is, or rather was, probably CoViD-19.

I had a higher temperature than normal on and off for a week or two, mostly on for a couple of days, and then a day of higher temp spaced by a few days of lower, for a while. When the temperature was high, my resting heartbeat was a fair bit higher than usual too. A few times I had nausea, once I was even sick from it. I had a sore naso-pharynx, just where the back of the nose passage joins the throat. And I had a couple of days with pretty bad shortness of breath. But no dry coughing - at lest no more than the rest of the year.

The spooky thing is that I had completely, 100%, forgotten about the shortness of breath. To the extent that when asked, I denied that I had ever been short of breath. At the time, I was more worried about my racing heart, for some reason, and maybe I reasoned that with a fever and elevated heart beat, it's to be expected that you aren't breathing as usual.

But to forget such a blatant symptom of CoViD? (covid? COVID? one day I might remember the correct way to write it. Today is not that day). It makes me worry about what other things I'm forgetting. Like seriously. OK. I've learned that I have ADHD, and that my short term memory is unreliable (to be polite). But this went on for a while, and it still disappeared from my brain?

Oh well.

I hope someone reminds me if they have something I should have done for them...

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [10]

Latest reply: Apr 26, 2020

Milla complains.

... about the anxiety creeping up on me.
I don't know why.
Finished a big project last week, but one part, that I wasn't aware of, doesn't work now. And it's beyond my control.
A child of mine isn't well, and it's beyond my control too. I can support, but can't heal.
Cat won't eat. I don't know why.
I come to work, look at the screen, and can't get moving.
And this lump in the pit of my stomach, and in my throat.

I try to sleep enough. Go to bed at 10, but it's hard to sleep.
Alarm at 7 45, but can't get up until 8.30, on a good day. On weekends, I can sleep 12 hours, and still no energy.

Weepy feelings. But holding back.

Forgetful. Things just drop off my mental do to list. (Just remembered about 4 things I should do...)

No initiative.

Perhaps I should contact the doctor again.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [10]

Latest reply: Oct 10, 2017

Milla just realised...

... that some of my fb friends who used to be supportive of Lord Dampnut have been very quiet lately.
I choose to see this as a positive sign.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [6]

Latest reply: Aug 15, 2017

Milla hasn't been around here a lot

Which is a shame.
But hey.
It's the last week of a long summer break, and in the weekend, R and Son and I are going to the Manchester meet. Looking forward to that!

I can't seem to get any thoughts out in legible form here. But life is good, today there's no rain (yet...), I have nothing to complain about.

Except for the lack of expressing myself. Perhaps I run on drama, and where there's none, my head goes blank?

As you were.

smiley - towel

Discuss this Journal entry [13]

Latest reply: Jul 26, 2017


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