h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

At the last karaoke night, I offered to sing "The hippopotamus song."
Someone objected that this was would be irrelevant.
I replied, "It's not irrelevant, it's irhippopotamus!"

I went into the Trading Standards office but they refused to help me. How was I to know they didn't sell flags?

They wouln't let me join the Pole Dancing Class being British.

It said don't walk on the grass, so I ran.

They told me to waive the flag, so I did.

the bloke said "kiss my ass" funny!? he didn't have a donkey with him

Maybe he was Sancho Panza, and he was looking for Donkey Xote?

Maybe it is the famous one introduced by Willie Rushton at the Pharmacy Ball.

Welcome Mr and Mrs Prinn and their desolving donkey - soluble asprin.

I'm hoarse tonight

cough cough splutter!

Hay hay! I'll trot over and give you a rub with sum linoment. You must be a pony - just a little hoarse.

had cold since Tuesday, canter get shut yet, but ash we speak, I'm dosing ithic!

Speaking of Poles (as Alembic was)...

I was at an athletics event. I asked one of the competitors,
'Are you a pole vaulter?'
He said,
'No - I'm German. But how did you know my name?'

A wee boy wrote is name on the forehead of one of the Slovaks. He was too young to sign Czechs,

And speaking of painkillers...they're hard to come by down at the army barracks because the paras ate 'em all.

I don't have the stoMASH for these medical puns.
Can we talk of radars of the lost arc instead?

There was a bit of a row between a couple of athlets from the Baltic states, but they decided to Finnish it and Lett bygones be bygones.

Did they break for lunch when they got Hungary?

After lunch where did they Goa?

Some went to play leap-Prague.
Others went to Lucca at the view.
The rest didn't want to do Viennathing.

and I suppose something Leeds to another

Well, don't scare the . We don't want them Bolton.

We are heading for 'The meaning of Liff' territory.