h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I invested in a gold mine and the bottom fell out!
a bottomless pit!

You should have invested in Brad Pitt instead.

There was a tiny little busker playing guitar in our subway. He was phenomenal at keeping the beat.

We called him Metro Gnome

If you planted "puns" in the ground ? would they grow into chives or punion's ????

Lettuce pray it don't happen

Our local supermarket sprays all vegetables and legumes with a fine mist. Not just lettuce. I wonder if German supermarkets also spray Mist? That would be gross.

(Mist -> manure / crap)

Too right, I'll never be able to drink Misty Mountain Dew again

Here's another version, though:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1205589823800563

Boars love having boaring board meetings that are never ending.

I took a 6 x 4 plank of wood into the office - it was a board meeting

I had the same idea, but it is still in Transit and it ran out of fuel.

That! Could have been a transit van joke ?

It was. (although a six by four might be a tad too big)

But you can af'FORD it

Despite the brand name, not every Ford is capable of fording a stream without serious engine damage. (as evidenced by the Rufford Ford Youtube channel)

A number of people gave evidence of an Audi winning at Le Mans. They were referred to as the Audi-ence

Windy days really blow me away.

My umbrella is having a whirlwind romance with my umbrella.

My umbrella is having a whirlwind romance with the wind.

The answer my friend is - Bill Owen in the wind.

Told him not to go out

Passing whirlwinds alway gets your underwear in a knot.

- - -

I needed to move faster so I swapped my walking stick for a hurry cane