h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You should have put it in a river bank

Pun question

which bank ? a river has 2 ()

The right bank of course

is that "in-side-er information ?

Maybe - but I wouldn't bank on it

I sent a letter to Lincoln's Gettysburg address, but he never answered

Luv that pun!!!

Lucy Lastick had a problem, she couldn't keep her pants up

Mr Potato Head has started his own video channel; he’s now a you-tuber

The emu was not allowed to attend the hen night in the small chicken shack. She was ostrich sized

Our was very fond of potatoes. She was a ewe tuber

Oskar Schindler was fond of piano music. He even played piano. His favorite pieces were the Transcendental etudes. People would drop in on him whenever they heard he was about to play these pieces. Everyone loved Schindler's Liszt.

The pachyderm wanted to retrain as a brain surgeon, so he moved into a hippo campus

Gnu's for the jungle vet

(good news)

Speaking of vets, I wonder who vetted the hippo and got him into this medical school

the water horse should have known better

(water horse/ought to<groan)

Your willpower is no match for my won'tpower

I'm too weak for willpower, I'll get someone to write mine for me..

Dorothy Parker said "You can bring a horticulture, but you cant make her think"

Ricky and Bill live in Billericay. They drove in their Ford car to see their friend Stanley Hope in Stanford Le Hope who was hopeful for a warm summer. Stanley would buy sage, basil, rosemary and thyme plug plants and rose bushes from Rosemary's garden centre in Basildon.