h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is it just me? It doesn't matter if I'm being asked the directions to my own house; as soon as someone stops and asks me directions my mind goes blank and any instructions I do manage to spew out are, I suspect, worse than useless. This is despite me knowing the city pretty well, having driven most of its roads at some point over the past 6 years or so

Today I sent a car-full of panicking Australian tourists completely in the wrong direction to the airport. Not just the wrong direction, but upon consideration afterwords, straight into the road-works from hell.

I do hope they ignored me and drove on for a second opinion

i dunno winnoch, why these things happen...

a week ago someone stepped on my foot, creating a big bruise but not much pain.
first time it has ever ever happened to me in my life!
then, yesterday, someone 40 miles away stepped on my other foot in the same place
creating another big bruise and not much pain

totally mystified

My trouble is a lot of the time I pay no heed to street names even when I know the area well. So I could tell you how to get from here to the library, or the station, but I couldn't necessarily tell you how to get...how to get to Sesame Street.

Yes, I know my way around, too - but not necessarily the street names
So I give directions like "Go to the Texaco gas station on the right and then take a right on the next corner"

It drives me bonkers when I need directions and someone tells me "You know where the Happy Cow Ice Cream Parlor used to be? Go two blocks past that and turn left" (If I knew where the Happy Cow Ice Cream Parlor used to be chances are I know my way around enough to find the place I am looking for. In any case, chances are I am not from "around here" and will not know where Anything Used to Be)

Next time someone asks directions, though, just take a centering couple of breaths and because that is what is causing the problem! Panicking!

Sat nav dependance is the problem we dont need to remember

But Bob, I have been like this all my life! I just don't pay attention to street names.

Me to

Satnav dependence is a problem in more ways than one. I've lost count of the number of near-accidents I've had with dinguses who would prefer to listen to the lane instructions from their Tomtom than the voice of common sense and/or Highway Code.

B

Maybe that's not sat-nav dependence, just good, old-fashioned arseholism.

That's why Pubs were invented.

'Turn left at The spotted Dun, then turn right two roads past The Pallid Milkmaid. Keep straight on, past the Feisty Ferret and it's opposite The Firkin Foxes'.

Simples!

MMF

You have not noticed they are closing at a record rate

Luckily not around here. I'm maintaining a one-man campaign to keep as many open as possible.

But even when closed, the signs are usually still up.

MMF

All too often, people ask me for directions to a place, and I can see it in the direction, and I point to it, and they still can't see it or don't want to believe that there's a road that goes in that direction!

Sorry, I meant "and I can see it in the distance"

There`s a classic old joke that says, `Ya can`t get there from here`.
But last week I heard a strange but equally frustrating variation on
that theme when seeking directions to a specific retail outlet in a
large industrial and commercial park with winding crescents and
switchbacks and name changes as streets crossed other avenues.
Fellah sighed and said, `Hmm.. ya can get there from here but it`s
way to complicated to explain`.


-jwf-

Obviously, I think I am pretty good at giving directions. I may not be of course, but I know what I mean and I don't think I've ever seen anyone I've given directions to driving round and round lost later on. I've probably sent them so far away that they will starve out in the wilds of Hertfordshire.

I was asked directions to a street that doesn't exist the other day. The askee just couldn't accept that it didn't exist. I asked what they were looking for in Letchworth High Street and knew where they wanted immediately. It was in Norton Way North. I know they didn't believe me because I saw them ask someone else further up the street.

However, when asking directions the golden rule is only ask someone who is on their own otherwise you will get TWO sets of conflicting instructions.

PP.

I really really hope my victims asked someone else further up the street! A whole family potentially missing their flight to Australia because I sent them the wrong way, is weighing heavy on my conscience!

>> Today I sent a car-full of panicking Australian tourists completely in the wrong direction to the airport. Not just the wrong direction, but upon consideration afterwords, straight into the road-works from hell. <<

1) How confident do you think you looked when you gave the directions? Were you scratching your head, rubbing your chin, was there a lot of hand gestures, were your palms sweating?

2) Missing your flight is not the end of the world, it's inconvenient but in general you survive to tell the story.

3) In general there are clear road signs to airports once you clear the city and start encountering out of city road signs.

4) In future they might learn the importance of planning journeys and ensuring that they give themselves extra time if they are not exactly certain of the way.

5) In future they might learn where to go to get more reliable sources of information (garages, police stations, information centres, hotels etc)

The first part of this youtube clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_vULnoDRfo

A few years ago I was in Ireland and recounted this incident on h2g2 - "An interesting week. The highlight was when I was trying to find a rural address near Westport. It wasn't on my map and the sat-nav didn't have a clue so I stopped at a small roadside garage in the middle of nowhere. I went inside and found two old men and an old woman. Despite the heat of the day, the men were wearing thick tweed jackets and flatcaps whilst the old woman wore a dress of indeterminate age covered by a t-shirt bearing the legend "I might". I asked if they could help me find the address. Have you ever seen "Snatch"? Do you know the character played by Brad Pitt? You know the indecipherable accent he used in that film? Imagine that, in triplicate. All 3 launched into a babble that I just could not make out. Worse, it was spoken at about 100mph by three people who had less teeth between them than I have points on my driving license. At the end of about two minutes of bewildering noise that sounded like 3 terriers gargling frogs, one guy pointed North, the other pointed South and the woman just shrugged. Seeing my bewilderment, the woman asked if I had a name I was looking for, so I told her the name of the customer. This brought another two minutes or so of whooping and gargling as the three of them argued about who it might be, before a concensus was reached. This time, all three pointed North and the woman told me to drive about four miles "...until you come to Dan O'Shaugnessy's place" (Not his real name, but it was equally as Irish) "Now you'll know Dan's place because it's the biggest house there." "Ah but", interjected one of the men, "there's a lot of big houses there" "Yes but, everybody knows Dan's house. It's on the left and it's white. You go past Dan's and the place you want is the third cottage" With this, I set off. A few miles up the road I slowed down and checked every house I passed. They were all white, all on the left and all big. Finally I found the cottage I was looking for. It was bright pink, a point that no-one at the garage had thought to mention. Every other house I had passed was white. " http://www.h2g2.com/dna/h2g2/brunel/F2264198?thread=4414317&skip=19&show=1