h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oo either I've had more bee than I thought and have forgotten how to type, or I was possessed to talk in tongues

You were possessed by the power of Cliff

OMG - I've just woken up in time ...... lizards, Jesus is coming too

*tidies sofa and plumps cushions*


*raises hands*




Power to all our friends .....

You know, its at times like these; when we face the second-coming of Jesus, the inevitable distruction of society by the Cliff Cilla alliance, that I really wish I'd listened to what my old Arnt Agatha used to tell me...

but you don't know what it was because you didn't listen!!!!!

True, so true. And of course, since the accident with the Barkshire mens rugby squad and the coconut shire at the county show, she's not really been of the talking mind...

right, do you think Jesus would prefer Quiche, cucumber sandwichs and veg samosaand onion bhaji, or just some ham and chees erolls with brandston pickle? possibly with some pickled eggs and a pork pie and scotch egg?

loaf of wholemeal and a bottle of claret.....no no no

that would be canibalism......

tuna sandwiches, with enough left overs to fill a buffet table?????

Ooo, a conspiracy nut in our midst' Of course being paranoid does'nt mean they aren't all out to get you .

I am not paranoid

a paranoid THINKS everyone is out to get them

I KNOW everyone is out to get me!!!!!

You can hear them too? Most people don't believe me. But I know they are there because I can hear them. Useually at night when its quiet they come out and start talking to me, shouting at me, telling me such horrible tales and telling me to do such strange things.
Of course everyone else pretends they can't hear them, but I know they're lieing,because they told me so.
Each night I hear them, behind and inside the walls, scratching about and laughing and then they talk to me, shout at me and preech to me. Their voices, such tiny little voices, but oh so many.
Hudrends and hudreds of siny scremaing voices telling me forcing me beseaching me and making me obay their strange demmanss.
I tried looking behidn the walls, I took all teh talls down and crawled behidn them, and they ran, they ran from me, and hid again and then they came back.
Lurking under teh floorboards, they'd suppirze me, shout at me, pleed to me, their thousand thousand voices, like an ice cube scratched over a bleeding eyeball.
And such things they told me such things.
I can hear them now, laughing at me from behind teh wall.
They're in the ceiling and the floors to and yet they folow me everywrhere telling me and making me do such strange things.
but I can hear them now, laughing and plotting scheming and try to trip me up.
Bu tI@m ready this time I can block them out and won't hear them, I won't have to hear them any more, now I've got this plastic bag it'll all be alright and they'll probably all go again and leave e in Peace.

what i want to know is

why when people hear the voices....is it always something like

carve a beetle on your stomache, or eat a glass sandwich?????

why is it never something usefull like wash the dishes or hoover the hall????

A voice that says do the washing up is 'the wifes' Taff . The voice that says 'The president is an alien' comes from the chip planted in everybodys head by the CIA . Its simple really .

The voice will be heard at Wimbledon, when rain falls INSIDE THE NEW ROOF and The Cliff gets up and sings a medley of Michael Jackson numbers.

It's all quite explicit in How to be a Better Goalkeeper.

Actually, it's a bottle of milk on the doorstep

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLKaLvrtn-8

ah .. we're going to have a new world order? what's happening to the old one? is it still serviceable? I wonder if I could hang it on a wall.. there's been some reconstruction in my house and I have about 9 square metre wall free and uncovered by bookshelves so I was wondering .. would it fit ??

well, anyway, as the new world order gets delivered, just put the old one besides my shed please, if I don't like it or if it's too worn out I can still put it out with the garbage

But, will the New World Order play at Glasto next year? Do they have any Stadium tour dates lined up?

The voice in my head were very busy last night took me ages to quieten them down enough so I could sleep.

I think the new world order should be 'wrold'. Kind of makes more sense in that order as it's reverse-alphabetical.

mm yes a virtual order: something that you think is there, but in fact doesn't exist at all ..

do they sell t-shirts?

I live in a flat. Is my doorstep the step-free area just outside my flat door or is it the steps closest to the building entrance door? Is using the outside ramp some kind of step avoidance? Can the people who use the ramp claim to be completely doorstep free?

If we have anything nasty on our communal entrance steps, we'll have to have an owners meeting about the steps to take, a vote on appropriate steps......

An empty plastic soda bottle had been crushed and thrown near our building steps and residents seem to be heading towards some kind of vigilant group.... Can't help wondering what the 'New World' (those pesky new-worlders) order is going to lead to when our 'Old World' orders about soda bottles are taking such a bashing


(not from a plastic bottle)

ah yes.. yes, we all have to take steps to .. do whatever .. to the wrold or world .. or ..

can I just skip all the ordering and sorting and have an in peace?