h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

you need a slave, to make you and bring you food...

I blame 2legs for the excitement over the anticipated arrival of a new toaster, in the next few days

You're welcome any time

I blame 2legs for my brave new telly doing everything except showing TV.... there are DVDs showing, iTunes playing, CDs playing, radio playing etc. but no TV.

Hopefully the TV guy will turn up later today and fix it.

I blame 2legs for a dose of summer cold, both health and weather-wise

I blame 2legs for my taking all morning to tidy and clean the kitchen
but at least it's done now

I blame 2legs for no one having spent all day cleaning my kitchen... and bedroom... and front room... and bathroom... and downstairs hallway...

I also blame 2legs for what I did this morning, in the kitchen
*note to self, kitchen does not have any curtains/blinds*

I also blame 2legs for not being sure what to do for dinner....

and.
I blame 2legs for the arrival of the new toaster! and for a successful funeral for the old toaster

Just discovered why all my knives are blunt, and some are deformed or have pieces snapped out of the blade. My flatmate couldn't work out how to use the tin opener, so she's just been hacking the tins open with a knife - and not even the same one every time!

I blame 2legs!

I blame 2legs for my buying muffins, toasting them for breakfast, smothering them in butter and marmalade then discovering they're ones

Tasted ok though

In all things, evolution has made a concerted effort to rise, and produce, that of the highest order of sublime perfection.
This, many argue, is as can be demonstratible and seen, within such organisms as the humble virus, a complexity of form and function so sublime in its evolved state as to be able, with a total minamum of effort, to contain and apply, all those functions and facilities, necessary for life, and sustanance of life, within the most basic, simplist and perfect of designs. NO need, for the humble virus to possess strange unecessary appendages, no need for the virus to have a wrist, in order to enable it to wear a digital wristwatch, the virus has no need for mobile telecommunications, or complicated social interactions, and instead, is able, without, or because it is without, these unnecessary complexities, to perform its biological functions, in the pureist, most simple of forms.

Therefore, taking the example, of the virus, the most highly evolved organism on the plannet, possibly in the galaxy, or the universe, we can, apply these principles, of exquisit evolution and beauty of form and function, to other, what might seem on the surface unrelated, functions and forms.

The most obvious, following the viral high-evolution example, is to apply these self same functions and forms, and nature thereof, to the most highly evolved form of food, simplistic, yet functional in form and opperation, that, is, of course, that by which we know as 'cheese'.

Cheese, the most functional and highly evolved food yet developed

With sweet, or savory, hot or cold, cheese is the finest, if I may be so bold.
Its flavour complex, but wildly can change, to produce such taste bombinations spanning a vast huge range.
Its texture alone, can tantilise and tease, then it yields the fabulus flavour of cheese.
tangy and savory, yet strangely also sweet, combined with bread, fruit or meat.
such a plethra of options, variaty too, just imagine with cheese, all that you can do.
cheese filled pasta, a cheese bord too, and tasty cheese cake, yet, more you can do.
Cheese muffins, cheese bread, and even cheese straws, release the flood gates, and open the doors.
searching and looking, for a sublime versitile food, you've found it in cheese, whatever your mood.
Forfilling and nutritious, tasty savory or sweet, and somethimes it smells, just like my feet

I blame 2legs for apauling poetry, my over-excessive consumption of cheese, and for the wonder of my new toaster, or 'Fire-bread machine' as it will, from now on be known

I blame 2legs for this urge to make and eat a cheese and jam sandwich,
but most of all I blame him for the fact that I have no cheese or bread.

Cheese and jambon also works... hmmm... My French is not very good anymore... hmmm... jambon... is that ham? I seem to recall its somethign like that... only probably spelt betterer

I blame 2legs for it not quite* being lunchtime yet...and for my indescision as to weather to have cheese, or eggs, or, indeed, cheese and* eggs... and toast... of course... new toaster... new toaster... new toaster!

I blame 2legs for unsewn curtains and princess avoidance of helping me to get them sewn and hanging from the rods.

I severly dislike making curtains and I'm honestly quite lousy doing it as well. The late Queen Mum disapproved of my lack of curtain making skills, and did my curtains for some thirty years. I was hardly allowed to assist... Since her death à couple of years ago there has been low activity in the curtain departement in the Lair.

Now I've come to the decision I could to with some new things in the living room, have got material but a resisting daughter... On top of all she was here yesterday using my sewing machine, demanding my assistance in measuring, needling etc.

I guess I'd better blame 2legs for grown up kids as well.

I blame 2legs for my only having bought ready-made curtains, and never made them myself

I blame two legs that my supermarket quit carrying the kind of soup I like.

I blame 2legs for sleep not having done much to make me more alert or awake... and the coffee taking a while to kick in this morning

I blame 2legs for making the supermarkets move things around. If it's a ploy to make me buy more it's failing because I can never find half the stuff I usually buy.

I hate it when shops do that! and the shelves... the items grouped together make no sense half the time!

,and more
I blame 2legs for making me stuff my face with
I've been rationing it out ever since father's day but lost control
tonight.

I blame 2legs for the absence of Jedward posters in the shops.

Eating all your at once is much better for your teeth anyway!

I blame 2 legs for odd socks