h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I blame 2legs for my 18 month sabbatical

I blame 2legs for Roger Rayscardo's riviting river-dancing Racoons. and for Bill Bensons Bedazleing Bispoked broach-fighting Beever Boxers.
And also for the upsidedown thing under the whatsit.

I blame 2legs for foul mouthed She's a really sour old puss at the moment and initiates fights with the other Lair cats for no reason at all.

I blame 2legs for this wretched cold that has taken over my nose, throat, and lungs. I've been so , I haven't been able to skate since Saturday! Never mind about the money I haven't earned because of the work I've missed! 2legs!

Well, I've never been able to skate. It's perfectly obvious whose fault that is.

Ok 2legs, this time you have surpassed yourself!

ASo, my freezer gets delivered, on time and all by two friendly old chaps. When they refuse to take the packaging off I should have realised you'd been up to something but I was blind to your plans! So, off comes the cardboard and inside is revealed the extent of the damage done to it by 2legs as he gave it a good kicking.
2legs is also clealry responible for traing the rude, apathetic Brummie "customer service" (HAH!!!!!!) robots I spent the next hour talking to and getting absolutely smegging nowhere.

So, 2legs, now what?

That sucks.

I propose a long coat, a pump action shotgun and a trip to the store
who sold it.
Whip the gun out of the coat and let off a couple of rounds into the air,
that should get some results....
and scare the cr*p out a 2legs.

2LegsQuit picking on me!

I'm still sick, but that's not enough for you. Yesterday I noticed that the stone was gone from my ring. Dude! That was a diamond, but more importantly, this ring had been my great-aunt's wedding ring, passed to my grandparents to my mother to me.

But it doesn't end there, does it? Oh, no. We got the little speech at work today, everybody's hours are being cut 20%.

Daylight Savings

We all know who is to blame for forcing us to get up in the wee hours... and until October that is!

Blame and Shame on you, 2legs!

Who's the bright spark that called it summer time?

I blame 2legs that I decided I couldn't be bothered to blame him for what I was going to blame him for.

i blame 2legs for the winter coming back.

I blame 2legs for the spoilt little brat in my shop and the fact I can tell his father would be miffed if I slapped his legs!

2legs has been busy in his secret laborotory
cooking up a nasty mutated virus.
I caught it last Saturday and I've been coughing up things that
are prettyever since.
I like a lie-in, but a week in bed is too much even for me.

I blame 2legs for mouldy

I blame 2legs for those three rejection letters. *shakes fist* Why couldn't you let me proceed with my academic interests?!

I blame 2legs for my mis-reading of a preview in a listings magazine of 'The Book Show' on Sky Arts Channel, featuring Nigella Lawson (she who the Daily Mail TV Correspondent in Dec 2008 wrote "...but for some viewers, no doubt, the sight of Nigella's prize embonpoint will be a Christmas treat in itself". )

The preview read: ''...then Nigella Lawson chats effusively about her love of baking'.

I misread this as......



'Nigella Lawson chats effusively about her love-making'.


(Wonder if any of you misread it similarly

I think it was just wishful thinking BigAl!
.
I blame 2legs for this form from the benefits people to find out how sick I am, 'I am sick baby, you just need to meet me to know', lol!
Seriously, it is long, so is the other one too, and looks like it is designed to trip people up and catch them out!

I would blame 2legs but he knows just how long and complicated these forms are already. Oh go on, I have nothing to do, I 'WILL' blame 2legs!

I blame 2legs for hunger and for being stuck at w*rk 16.40 today, when just about everyone else already has left for Easter celebrations

I blame him for goshos keyboard troubles