h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ben - yes. Very good. I think if I'd written with that title on that theme I'd have probably made a point of exactly matching the rhythm of the original, down to the punctuation, but then I'm a stunt poet as you well know. Yours has an atmosphere that mine would lack, being as I am far too concerned with being clever and nowhere near enough with being poetic.

H.

First I knew that there was atmosphere on

The poem came first, and the title second, hence the lack of any attempt to match the original.

B

"i try with my every breath to find answers to the big human questions"

So you hold your breath while you're typing here, presumably? Impressive.

H.

And now, my chickidees, I really *must* paint the bathroom and go to the bank.

B

well for the last ten years i never been single for more than a month.
my first lady was for seven or so years(but that ended as i was not ambitious enough at the time,or so she though)
and the other for nearly two yrs but to be honest, the fact i was on the rebound pretty much ruined that.

before this time i was not even old enough to be a man.
so yes i think i am doing alright.

*Sigh* You've got the ambition Gigabane i'm not denying that, but you just don't have that little pizaz that all high quality potential world dominators have.
I was far more convinced by that one post of 2legs' then any of your posts.

im not looking to be popular or even really visible.
i dont need to be loved.

i dont want to be conan the bloody barbarian.
more like
GiGaBaNE the Administrator.

Is that Emperor Gagabrane the Administrator?

you see that is the one thing i am good at.
playing at business.
and yes i do mean playing. i have trat it like a game for the last few years and got pretty rich pretty quickly.
now i am not talking pure luck here.
i started conducting business and from day 1 i make more money than the day before.
the problem is that money really doesnt mean anything to me.
i like my own space(protected)
i like to study when i want and yes play the computer when i want.
be able to not work
not die
not be afraid that some higher power will come and ruin everything.
some of these are acheivable now
some are not, but either way, the material benefits of the world amount to nothing when its time to die.
if i have money spare then why not hire my own private science team, and then use their work to improve the quality of life for me and everyone else.
see i dont need to know anything. infact the less knowlege and motivation the man at the top has, the more indavidual freedom the underlings feel.
a dictatorship is more than just a word. at the very least it implies the citizens are unhappy and told what to do.

the idea i propose is pretty much the same as a business incubator.
except it is perminant.
a powerful and tightly controled business, which contains and protects a topic specific democracy,(you vote on what u like and dont. not on who you like the look of).

To the little boy who thought I was bragging about my financial worth:

If you had read what I wrote, you would know that I wasn't bragging. You were bragging and I was trying to help you to understand that it is not a competition and no one really cares whether you've got a load of money or what your pitiful little contribution to Seti@home is (I'm ahead of you).

This place is about communicating ideas. Sadly, you are pretty bad at communicating your ideas. And tragically, your ideas, when they finally filter through the food-masher of your words, turn out to be rather unremarkable.

"throw enough sh*t at the wall and some will stick, thats me, where as you?"

Well, I'm not sh*t stuck to a wall, which you claim to be.

I'm educated and you're not. (prove me wrong.)

>I was far more convinced by that one post of 2legs' then any of your posts.<

And 2legs stands his round at the bar, which is important.

mines a large G&T a half pint of reality and a '92 rioja Reserva please Oh, and I think I've just discovered a way of turning hoover-dust into a unique and powerfulform of jet fuel, Uranus here we go

Careful mate, don't want to go disappearing up Uranus...

'oh ah misses' Here's an idea, I set up this company, manafacturing little dolls of nighthoover, and sell them to everyone, then when the armchair least expects It I can make the little alien gophers jump out of the dolls, and scatter special dust everywhere, in the morning, the lampstand and the armchair on seeing the mess, will resultantly take a holiday to the Bahamahs and this will lead to total and utter lack of chimney sweeps in London.
Then, and this is the really cunning bit, the alien gophers go round and clean everyones fire places, and chimneys!
Its a bong I say, a total bong, today Cambridge, yesterday Suffolk, tomoorrow the Chelsey home for lunatic alcoholics!

Poor Gigabane. You seem to be afraid of death & think that money can solve everything. I hope you don't waste all your life striving for the unattainable.

WE all die, of that we can be pretty sure, money can't stop it, neither can anything else.
Money is a tool to make the time between birth and death as enjoyable as possible and for most of us speed up the arrival of the death thing, ~== i do wish they woudn't keep increasing the cost of a packet of fags, I'll have to stop spending so much on Rioja if they get much more costly Anyhow, waz menta be so good about immortality? I'd get bored soo quickly

firstly ide rather spent my whole life trying rather than wait for death to take me.
second, there are tons of new life prolonging inventions coming out all the time.
all i need to do is give them more money to speed things up.
i dont think the achievment of immortality will have anything to do with anyone in this room, all i want is to be the guy that pays for it.

as to getting bored with immortality.
i cant answer that. it is down to each mind as to wether they could handle it.

but, if i have to die, i want to be the one to say, ok enough is enough.

"well for the last ten years i never been single for more than a month.
my first lady was for seven or so years(but that ended as i was not ambitious enough at the time,or so she though)
and the other for nearly two yrs but to be honest, the fact i was on the rebound pretty much ruined that."

Here we have two very trite cliches to end relationships, the materialist and the rebound. We see these on television all the time, as they make a quick and easy segueway into the wounded man meeting Ms. Right, which is where the real story begins.

It's okay, dude. So you're a 15 year-old virgin. There is no shame in that.