h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I suspect he won't be reading this until he returns to w*rk tomorrow and can log on without his wife seeing. In which case he probably won't have time to read all the backlog and will pick out the bits that he wants to read.

Me...cynical? No, just brought up with two brothers and the mother of two sons.

>> he probably won't have time to read all the backlog and will pick out the bits that he wants to read.

Well that won't take long then! Meeeeooooooowwwwwww!

B

Yes, where is Bilbo to read all this? If nothing else it has been very thought-provoking. Galaxy Babe, I too hope he is having a lovely time and rekindling with his wife.

Just, what when there is nothing to rekindle? I wish I heard that "marry in haste repent in leisure" 12 years ago....
I think I never been completely in love with my husband because there has always been a huge part of my heart with someone else. Not a lover or anything, an old boyfriend I just never have gotten out of my mind....or more precisely, heart. Recently I have crossed paths with this person and it was too easy to get along together, too natural, and I have the "what could have been's" and "what might be able to be's" I am sick. Even if hindsight is 50-50 it doesn't tell us how it still might turn out; I desperately wish I had been with this person instead of my husband but I'm not sure if it's the right choice now. I've made a choice and maybe I should just go with it, or am I throwing more good money after bad? Another time, another place; "If mists could part and time renew, I'd beg my life again with you!"

Oh, MorganLaFaie, I do feel for you. I don't have any comments or thoughts or advice, but I do feel for you.

B

MorganLaFaie
Ben
Caer
Are any of us happy with what we have?

I'm alone, I wish I had someone to share my life with, and help me bring up my son.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I will never trust another man again.

The last one told me so many lies, he seemed too good to be true, and I married him.

Now I am going to have to go through a divorce, which I swore I'd never do again. I barely survived the first one, I attempted suicide when I was 30, because I didn't want to bring up my 3 little kids alone, and my (separated) husband was parading his new girlfriend around town, and seeing the children less and less.

Broke my Dad's heart, it's the only time I've ever seen him cry.

I wish I'd worked harder at that marriage, {the first, it lasted 11 years} but I stupidly thought I'd find someone else, who might make me feel alive, instead of being a boring housewife & Mum.

Hah.

He was the one who found someone else, and he's still with her. 19 years later. They had a child in 1992, and what did I do?
Had a child with the next bloke I met, I was so jealous.

I've ruined my life, with regrets, and jealousy.

You don't know how many times I've wished I had a time machine and I could go back...but what's the point.
I'm where I am now as a result of all the decisions I've ever made.

But I don't have to like it.

Oh, GB!
It's so sad to hear that you feel you've ruined your life with regrets and jealousy! I so hope that you'll find a way to un-ruin the rest of it. Every day bring the fresh chance to change the things which no longer suit your purpose and to build the things which do.

I'm happy with what I have, which is me. Still single, and still reasonably confident that one of these days, when the time is right, the 'right' partner for me will cross my path. He's going to be an awfully special man (though I *know* he's a terrible procrastinator). Meanwhile I feel very good about the fact that I'm consistently working on transforming myself into the person who'll be a worthy partner for a guy like him Keeps things interesting.

You could offer to adopt her. 29 or no, she is clearly still a child, not worth the bother.

"Over a few weeks." So shes putting effort into it then. What is she after? A fling, a relationship, use you as a step ladder on her journey to the top?

Forget feelings, can you afford it in hard cash terms? Divorce ain't cheap, morgage still to pay? Will selling your family home pay for two houses? Cars? At 51 could you be arsed to start a new family with a 29 year old if that is what she is after - which I doubt.

After 27 years, I'd hope I could ask a person that I'd known 'as a friend' that long, never mind be married to, for an opinion. Has your missus ever wanted somebody else, seems a fair person to ask her. Is she happy? Be very sure to have a good reason for asking her the question and be ready for the wrong answer.

Is it worth 'getting your end away' with a woman of 29 that has no respect for you. - She can't have, she does not respect married means off limits.

It's not about you, or what you want, its about other people. You just happen to be there.

<>

That is another good point, I think. If she seems willing to have this fling then how trustworthy is she?

I have a very good male friend who is married. He was my student a few years ago and there was an immediate attraction. He is a few years younger than me, TD&H, very intelligent, well-read, loves the cinema ,etc - in short, we have so much in common plus the aforementioned attraction. But, he is married with two small children. Which to means that he is definitely 'off limits'.

I guess we could have had an affair by now. He hasn't been my student for awhile but we still meet for lunch now and then. But I could never do that to his wife. And I also know it would probably kill the friendship as I'm sure we would lose respect for each other.

But the lunches are very nice!


az

*hoping we'll hear from Bilbobilbo today*

I hope he reads the backlog.

Well done, az. I think you must have an iron will
Does his wife mind him having lunches with you?

What on earth did I start? I am overwhelmed by the response and would like to thank all who joined in the debate. I would like to put this thread well and truly to bed now.
After mulling over the whole thing over the weekend, I have realised that the light would not be worth the candle.As I said all along,I love my wife very much, and this 'crisis' has probably made me remember that fact more than I perhaps have recently.
Going to go for the Diamond wedding with my integrity intact. Secretly perhaps,wondering what it would have been like, but no regrets at all. Its a funny old game, this life ,Isn't it? Once again thanks for all your comments, many were quite moving and all were appreciated. Bilbobilbo.

Hello all, There is a saying, " If God made anything better he kept it to himself"!! I'm sorry, he did make something better. It is called Love. There are a thousand imitations as the other quotation goes and that's from Roman times!
Many of you seem to be pointing to the better thing in your posts. It is damned difficult to ride out one's hormones but like any "drug" they can reward with euphoria but then land you in the pit of despair and an unquenchable craving. Your body and your mind deserves better.
Must run now, late for work!!
Love to all, ed.

I am glad you have had time to think, Bilbobilbo, and realised that what you already have is worth hanging on to. I hope you can go on to building a new and rewarding relationship with your wife.

As the sons are now adult and only one lives at home and even though H works long hours, we find we that we make more effort to have 'quality' time together. In fact we have never had that period that other relationships often start off with: as a couple without children, but we are making up for it now. We were together for 10 years before we finally spent a fortnight alone in each other's company, it was a slightly alarming prospect, but turned out to be absolutely wonderful .

Blow the savings on a second honeymoon, spend time together and get to know your wife all over again. Talk to her and go over some of the memories of the last 27 years, over the happy ones and over the sad ones. I am sure you will find the bond between you strengthening.

Oh GB! you can fall in love again
It can be about trusting yourself again.
It takes great courage to risk all again when you have chosen badly for yourself. Could just be my take but I figured I needed to trust in myself to take another risk.

If somebody or something "seems too good to be true "
It IS in my experience.
If you do not see fault then it has not been long enough or you have blinders on. In fact I picked my dates and then my spouse by the negative traits that showed and that I could handle. Not all are equal in this area

Being fotunate enough to see the good in most people I was not picky enough to look for what was good for me The good is easy to take it is the bad or negatives( within reasin) that you may need to tolerate.

Even the good traits become negatives in a life out of balance and everyones life is out of balance in some way. It is a balancing act no matter and requires trust in yourself as much if not more possibly more than the other person, and a sense of humor which you already have

Stay open to the possibility and let go of guilt and blame then go for what you want and I bet you get it. That will be a valuable gift of example to your child even if another parent does not come along to help while your child is young.

Well done Bilbo, you marriage will be stronger now you have passed this test

Yes GB it will happen for you, it did for me, I thought I'd never find anyone me being over 30 with an autistic child, them BAM!!! Excelsior walks into my life and I've never looked back, he's my everything I have everything I wanted in my husband, so sometimes second and third time lucky does work

I was only lurking! but I'm glad you've decided that.

People don't realise how valuable a marriage is.

(Says a sulky teenager who thinks that he'll be single forever...) yes yes yes I am aware that I am only young, and it is my age, and there's plenty more fish in the sea.

Well done, be proud and stand tall, Bilbobilbo. You will never know just how wise the decsison is.

Here is a bunch of lilac, by the look of it, for Mrs Bb.

B

This is turning into a real nasty bitchfest here, its been made quite clear what people think of me for being 'unfaithful'. Although I am now in a relationship which has lasted 8 years, 6 of which I have been 'faithful', so maybe its time to learn a little patience and realise that not everyone can choose to be 'faithful' at the drop of a hat.

I always remember that though we have logic and wisdom, we are still animals and we have animal lusts and needs. I wouldn't judge in the way most of you lot have. I am not so shallow to think that if my partner strays it means the end of my marriage, I know what being unfaithful often means. Sex without the meaningful talking afterwards, a return to animal lusts, to action without thinking.

To have extra sex outside a marriage can be great. It doesn't mean we have an open relationship. It means we have the freedom to think, talk and maybe act on. Being honest to ourselves.

Oh apparently it would be better if I was wiser and hadn't owned up, well thats because I am not ashamed of my life or my past. I embrace it all and do not need to try to pretend to be someone I am not.

You can all band together against the 'evilness' of a man who just wants to wonder and judge me as well, but I will never be ashamed of my honesty. Oh and hubby says he may take me up on that 40 birthday present afterall!

Unsubscibes now, so you can continue your club where all who are different and practise something outside Christian monogamy are bad people.

Oh dear.

Kaz, you should live your life how you think fit, and I applaud you for your honesty. I have read every comment here and I don't think anyone meant to judge you, Kaz. We're not in a position to do that. And nobody is 'banding together' and nobody has called Bilbobilbo 'evil'.

Bilbobilbo I'm pleased with your decision, don't ever be surprised at the debates you start around h2g2, there's been longer ones than this
{I have a journal entry over 4,000 posts long, and still going...}

When you say "put this thread to bed" I guess you'll have to unsubscribe, convos have a life of their own around here.

You were lucky, Reefgirl, to find a husband willing to take on your autistic son
It's all I can do to cope with mine, and I've yet to meet anyone who can stand his company for more than 20 minutes.

I'm counting down the minutes till he's 18, then I can walk away {or if I still can} responsibility over.

abbi normal: it's not me I don't trust, it's men. The last one told me so many lies, including wanting to be a father to my son, but as soon as we married he tried to get my son institutionalized.
He drives me but I could never do that.