h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi SWL

I'd say that information was pretty useless to me right now - although obviously useful to you - so yep, that qualifies.

Yep.

I kissed Su Pollard once.

Richard E Grant winked at me in the street once

ok, so I was at the time... so sue me

I met Terry Wogan once at Shepherds Bush.

He talked to me in the corridor.


He said, (and I will always remember this golden moment),

He said,







"Get out of my way"

Bet that was a precious moment, SWL! .. and here I've always believed his cuddly wuddly sweet old fuddy duddy image... no longer

I nearly ran Alistair Gowan over on Saturday when he crossed the road in fornt of my car after getting off a bus.

I probaby should not be admitting that

Graham Norton once glowered at me near the Houses Of Parliament. Not sure why; all I was doing was walking past him. It was raining and his head was being kept dry by a brolly. A brolly being carried by a *huge* bloke walking just behind him. I, for a few moments, thought 'Tw*t', then proceeded to the pub outside Tate Modern where I met a mate. We had several pints then went into Tate Modern to admire the good stuff and take the p*ss (probably a little to boisterously) out of the twaddle (of which there is plenty).

Roymondo's recommendation of the week: go to Tate Modern when you're a little drunk. It be right fun it be.

So many useless facts in one post!

Roymondo, I can't get the image of you kissing Su Pollard out of my head Please tell me what possessed you>

oops simpost. Sorry

My dad was the manager of a British Legion home, she opened the summer fete, dad was in hospital having a pacemaker put in, Su got all emotional (having been told, somewhat erronneously, that my dad was touch and go), asked me up on stage, kissed me and then proffered her cheek. I was about ten years old.

Aha! It's *her* fault I don't like girls!

Oi, Pollard, you made me gay!

Jackie Dankworth (Cleo Laine's daughter) wanted me to make dirty phone calls to her as she thought my accent was sexy

Awww, R, that's actually quite sweet... but yes, I totally get the being put off women thing

*notices SWL's post*

You serious? So how come you're not on the phones right now making gadzillions of squids? what an asset to have

*tries to think of a subtle way to find out SWL's 'phone number*

A friend of mine was a sound engineer at the BBC. His responsibility was looking after all the radio mics. The "wombles" who present TV programmes live, all get fitted up with radio mics before they get their make-up done. They can be quite obstrepu....opstebr ...obsterapt... precious about it if the sound engineer is late fitting them up but they almost always forget to wait to have their mics removed afterwards - usually they are in too much of a hurry to get to the bar. Anyway, one night after the evening news a certain female newsreader, (war correspondent, flak jacket etc) disappeared after the credits. The quickest way to find a radio mic is for the sound engineer to bring up the levels on the sound desk and listen in on cans to try to ascertain where the mic is. On this occasion, when he listened in to Ka.... a certain war correspondents' mic, he heard an unmistakeable sound. With an he patched the mic output through the BBC internal PA system, so everybody in the building could hear.

And what did they hear, you might ask?

A famous BBC female war correspondant giving an unknown individual a blowjob in the loo.

I've never been able to take her seriously since.

Marvellous.

Useless and somewhat surprising fact:

I don't own a copy of Edward Scissorhands.

Jam Butty mines actually existed, and Ken Dodds career only took a nosedive after the infamous 'strawberry falls' pit collapse in the mid 1980's.

the common vampire bat eeds to consume almost 10 times its own body weight in blood in any one day to prevent death by lood cell degeneration. mwahahaha

wait, have i used this one before?

tdor

the common vampire bat needs to consume almost 10 times its own body weight in blood in any one day to prevent death by blood cell degeneration. mwahahaha

wait, have i used this one before?

tdor

ah thats better

(wearing large tight necked polo neck jumper and lookin around the room nervously for vampire bats)

paul gascoigne (gazza) kissed me once and i didn't even ask him to..

aw, how sweet! and i wont sent any of my evil army of vampire s to come get you! tdor