h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have a new one,

An older gentleman, pleasant enough comes in and asked if we had any fresh soup. The soup in the cartons and plastic pots, not the stuff in the tins.

I take him to the fridge and he exclaims 'Oh! You've ony got the flavoured kind!"

Me (Extremely perplexed) - What kind were you looking for? - I half expect him to reply "Water"

Man 'Just normal soup, not flavoured'

Me - Well we have, carrot, and this one tastes like Minestrone.

Man "No they're flavoured."

Me - We have tinned if you're looking for something more conventional, like lentil.

Man - No, I just want normal soup.

At this point I just jack it all in and, say sorry I can't be more helpful.

Woman comes in and askes for tinned carrots.

I take her to them,

She says no, I'm looking for tinned carrots, in discs.

These are in discs,

No not them,

Any kind of particular brand (I didn't even know you still got tinned carrots)

The kind in salted water.

Like these? (I offer a tin from the shelf)

Yes,

There you go then,

No, I'm looking for tinned carrots.

Me

How is it possible for these people to function as human beings? I mean what.. why...

I'm afraid i've never been particularily tactful, and even as someone who works in a shop and deals with the public, when confronted with gross stupidity as outlined above, i would not be able to contain my mirth and bemusement.

I would have to be very patronising and explain to them the stupidity of what they are saying. Sorry but i just couldn't let someone leave the shop unchallenged after such a moronic display!

Huggy-lucky to still be in employment.

In Halifax (I was there just after the big hurricane last fall) you will see directional signs, or rather you will hunt for signs because they stick them on trees, on the top of phone poles, etc. all along your route, leading you straight down a road. Then, you will not see a sign for a while and discover you should have turned left, but didn't know because they didn't actually have a sign to tell you that.

The guy must have wanted plain chicken broth and not known the word.

Perhaps,this gentleman wanted Pot Noodles, well you may have seen the adverts in uk, lots of sumblimunal hints re lifesigns ,allthought
support groups are rather thin on the ground, addicts often have to be
helped by several cross support,due to the insideous nature of product.

Hmm, in Spain they have a sort of soup thing with noodles in which tastespretty much like salt water. I got force-fed it when I was on a Spanish exchange trip and went down with the flu! I doubt he was looking for that, but it's a possibility...

Road signs:

I haven't noticed that the street signs in Hamburg are any smaller than anywhere else in Germany - however, they are usually NOT found on the corner you just happen to get lost at.

France is the worst, they plant road signs willy nilly and have no system, and certainly never actually mention the towns you've marked as being on your route.

As Caerwynn says, a mile before you get there, you find out you're on the right road. Or not, as the case may be.


-----------

As a customer, I was once raged at by some salesman because I was trying to find out from him why they sold one part of one type of curtain rail and the other part of another type, so you couldn't get a complete set. The tantrum developed its own momentum, the guy was obviously a nutter - the question wasn't that important .... I backed away.

I only mentioned Hamburg because it's the only German town I know well. (My mother's family lived there.) And compared to British road signs the lettering on them is *tiny*. And sometimes the sign is up a pole when the place you need it is down at eye level (that's eye level to somebody in a car).

The Dutch are helpful. When you see a sign pointing to a place, next to it will usually be as sign pointing in the other direction with the text "Andere Rechtung". Which means "The other direction". Can't go very wrong then.

I thought that meant "other directions" - i.e. This road

*-->*

leads to Village or Town A, but we'd rather you took the bypass if you want to go anywhere else. And that is THIS WAY PLEASE!!!

*<--*

I like French road signs for "Toute Directions" - ALL Directions!
but the road only goes in one direction...?

Back on topic - I had a customer demand to know the ingredients of a fruit cake. Erm, fruit and cake are the main ingredients! I got her to read the label on the back! Yep - Fruit and cake (a bit like you, you silly mare)

The posher the shop the more obnoxious the customer. Never work on Bond Street, they click their fingers to get your attention!

QB

I have worked in music instrument sales for over 30 years. IF a customer gets on my bad side i just sell their kid a trombone.

This is one I heard about from my daughter, who has a friend (try to keep up) who works at a local seasonal icecream/food stand:

Lady comes in and asks for an M&M Sundae. (Our M&M's are very similar to British Smarties. On the other hand, our Smarties are a tart candy)

This particular ice cream stand doesn't have any items on the menu that include M&M's, and the girl behind the counter tries to explain that they don't sell M&M Sundaes.

The Lady proceeds to ask for M&M's to put on her Sundae.

The girl again explains that they don't have any M&M's in the place, and therefore she has none to give her to put on her sundae.

After going back and forth about this several times with the lady asking for various ice cream confections with M&M's and the girl explaining over and over that they don't have any M&M's to put on any of the ice cream items, the lady decides on another kind of sundae, so the girl behind the counter prepares it and hands it to her.


I'm sure you can guess what the lady's respose was:


"Where's my M&M's? I asked for an M&M Sundae!"

Once again, the girl explains *again* that they don't have any M&M's for her Sundae and therefore she can't give her any M&M's.

So the lady then asks:






Wait for it....



"Where do I get the M&M's for my sundae?"



I think *I'd* have given her directions to the closest grocery store...

I think i'de have given her directions to the nearest head doctor.

Bye the way we really need a smiley... I suppose will have to do in the meantime though..

Deserved a good stiff kick in the ass...

I told a story a few months ago about how I was working the late night shift (until 1 am) at the Rathskellar, this food place on campus, and about fifteen minutes after we closed, a drunk guy came in, demanded to order food, and pulled the fire alarm when we wouldn't give him anything.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I was working late night again, and a few minutes after we closed a group of really drunk guys came in and demanded food. At this point, I leaned over to Will, the new guy, and whispered, "Take the food out of the oven; they're going to pull the alarm." Well, Quinn, the manager, had the same idea, because he had campus security on the phone before the guys had even left the building. Sure enough, there goes the alarm and we all had to get the last few orders off the grill, get the customers out, and wait for the fire department to turn off the alarm. This time, there was a party going on in the building above (the Skellar is in the basement) and they had to evacuate too, of course. So twenty minutes later, as we were filing back in, Will leaned over to me and said, "You called it."

Did they catch the guys?

Sadly, no. The problem is all we could go on was their description; we didn't know their names or anything, and they were gone before campus security could get there.

Incidentally, in a few weeks I'm starting a summer job at Six Flags. You are all invited to my funeral.