h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Och aye some more!
My mother's grandparents all came from Scotland, one set via Nova Scotia in Canada first...
The grandfather on the father's side, was a famous and scary Presbyterian preacher - that's the ones who came via Nova Scotia. My mother had some great stories, but nae as good as yours, Mudhooks!

Oh, the goat... is that true? I am laughing so had I nearly wemt meself...

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Long ago I was given the following advice: If you're going to drink from open water (spring, stream, etc.), only drink from the water's source, i.e. where it comes out of the ground. If you drink from further downstream you have no way of knowing what contaminants are in the water, so only drink the water if you've boiled it first.

Very sound advice, which people should *definitely take heed of!

yeah...makes sense...
although if you're below farmland, it could have fertilisers and thigns in that have soaked through the ground...
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OK, here's a rant that anyone who has worked in any kind of shop that sells consumer electronics, or brown goods, etc, will probably appreciate.

The need to order some stupid, itty bitty, cheap £$1.99, model number xbcjdfujdif7775nfr9939r848rthirnfjk accessory for some item that the customer probably bought elsewhere anyway..

Now we have probably all been that customer, myself included, but when you work in a shop, there is just nothing duller and more soul destroying than having to search catalogues/computer lists, or spend hours trying to chase reps for part numbers for a stupid lens cap or something!

These things are never actually held on the company product list- they are not stock items, if we are talking about camera parts, the models change so often (about once every 6months on average)that nobody ever stocks them, so they always have to be ordered..

The sheer effort to reward ratio is so low, that it is so so so tempting to just tell the customer that the part is discontinued/permanently out of stock etc.

I mean it wouldn't be the first time i have not been able to attend to a 'real' customer due to some prat who's lost a screw that belongs to a telescope.

The worst part is that these 'customers' tend to clump together, so you end up with one hell of a productive day(not) where all you've done is talk to folk all day, but actually only got about £50 in the till. Though probably satisfied a lot of people who'll go and tell all their friends about a great place they know of to buy self releasing stem bolts for the a45g czf pilotless fighter helicopter...


Anyone else with me on this?

Oh and let's not forget about the fact that many suppliers these days have lage minimum order values, so you probably cannot order this part for a few weeks anyway, without incurring a delivery charge that is much higher than the actual cost of the item in question...

...and then try and tell the customer that you cannot order the 99 cent part they want because the supplier expects you to order 90,000 of them as a minimum order.....

"Well, you could just send them back..."

In the bookstores, people were always ordering obscure titles like "Refraction of Gamma Rays in Terpuschian Random Theory, Vol. 79". When you informed them that they had to be sure they wanted it because the publisher had a minimum return policy (meaning you had to return a minimum of X number of $ to them), they would assure you they were desperate for the title. Thenyou would call, and call, and call, and call. Finally, if you did manage to get ahold of the customer, they would say "Oh, I don't need that anymore. You can just return it/shelve it..."

That's why we take a 10% non-returnable deposit on 'special' orders

At least that way we get something for all our effort even if the customer changes their mind.

Mind you a 10% deposit on a 0.99p part wont discourage them from abandoning the order much

At Chapters, they didn't take a deposit, and even if they did, the manager could have been pretty well counted upon to allow the customers to complain him into refunding it to them.

Most places here (UK), you pay in full when ordering.

hmm...not where i worked...you could either pay when you ordered or when you received it...we mostly only did special orders from one company though, so there wasn't the problem of a minimum order or whatever, cos that's who we ordered pretty much all our stuff from...
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As a customer, I would find it too much bother to traipse back to the shop for a missing screw or damaged or lost part. I always write off direct to the manufacturers. The address and part numbers should be included in the accompanying leaflet/instructions.

What I do hate are these retail chains who sell stuff under their own name and have all references to the manufacturer removed from the product and accompanying literature. It's hard to find out the address of the manufacturer then, and you have to go to the supermarket where you bought the item and explain to some girl at the desk who has no idea about the product (not her fault, she can't know everything) what you need.

That's probably why people who buy (for example) electronic goods in a supermarket go to a specialist shop when they need help for them.

Not withstanding those special shops owned by supermarket that sold stuff to chain then repackaged under under different label

Well just to throw in a few from my experiences in dealing with the public for the last 9 years.

At a petrol station we had the cutsomer on a night shift who turned up naked.

Then we had the police pulling over a limo for kerb crawling and the prostitutes entertaining the customers while the driver and passengers were booked.

In M&S complants and returns we had a lady trying to return a dress she had "never worn" with egg yolk stains down the front.

The man who had been given an unwanted christmas present we had'nt sold for over 7 years.

The man trying to return BHS shoes to M&S

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There was the guy who brought a stack of dog-eared books on Windows 3.1 which he bought "Three years ago."

The clerk said "And why are you bringing these to me? We don't tafe trade-ins and we don't sell used books."

"They're out of date. I can't use these, I want some new ones."

"Well, we have plenty of computer books upstairs, but, as I say, we don't take trade-ins."

"Well, they are obsolete and I want more up to date books. These are no earthly use to me. Why won't you take them back.?"

"I'm not sure I understand you. If you don't need the books you can take them to a used bookstore or you can throw them away. Are you wanting us to give you new books in place of these?"

"Yes" said he "I bought these from you and they are no good to me. You should guarantee that book won't become obsolete if you won't let me exchange my books."

When both the clerk and the manager disagreed with him, he threw a tantrum and started yelling to people that we were "gyping" him....."

They finally had to treaten to call the police.

Imagine? This idiot thought that, every time technology changed, we should just keep replacing his computer book, for the rest of his life.

verrry strange...
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I agree with that.

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No, really? Did you find out why?