h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Top of the Pops is nothing but a steaming heap of televised baboon dung and old music is much better, as is classical. And I'm 18. To be quite honest, in my opinion the state of the entire modern world is a bit disgraceful! People seem to feel that the things to aspire to are the types of behaviour that should be thought of as unacceptable - ie boisterousness, thuggishness and general uncouthness.

An example.. many boy bands are actually ex public school boys and generally good mannered and well spoken. However, this is not considered "cool" by their target audience so when interviewed they put on that sort of "We is from da ghetto innit man" image. It's like snobbery has somehow inverted itself!



...Oh and talking of boy bands - I have a particular aversion to Busted. They disgust me. There's one member I find especially irritating because his face is even more annoying than the others'!

As do I. And Justin Timberlake.

Most of Busted went to Uppingham.

Bring on the Zeppelin!

These camcorder mistake shows need sorting too.

20 minutes solid of JUST mistakes would be worth watching. Instead we get idiot presenters who assume they must be funny because they present a show which has some funny clips. And now they've got irritating kids talking about the clips. Everyone knows that kids come up with a rare gem but most of the time they prattle on like idiots and are NOT cute and NOT funny.

Uurgh - justin timberlake! He's grotesque.

My boyfriend hates Busted particularly because he went to Uppingham's rival school (Oundle) and they insulted it in an interview! I'm also public school educated but make no effort to try and be anything other than the female old-fashioned Hooray Henry (Hooray Henrietta?!) that I am. My accent makes modern expressions like "bling bling" and "where's your head at, man?" sound utterly ridiculous... or maybe they just make my accent sound ridiculous... I don't know!

Aha!

As does mine. I'm not quite Hooray Henry... perhaps more like... like an anarchist version of erm whatsisname, Jennings perhaps. Anarchist Hooray Henry.

So I stick to the ones I can pull off. "Excellent". "My dear fellow". "Quiet, you!" and so on.

Though I occasionally say things like "Bo Selecta" in order to make fun of them.

There seem to be very few TV presenters now who don't treat viewers like absolute idiots.

Jonathan Ross is one offender. In an advert where he is plugging a vote about the best TV comedies he says " Everyone I meet is arguing about it".

I haven't heard anyone mention it, let alone argue about it. Is he hoping it will be become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Watching Shattered this week I've realised that Dermot O'Leary is one of the few presenters who seem to have any respect for their viewer's intelligence.

Anarchist Hooray Henry is good - people always expect me to be perfectly behaved (and a Tory) because of my Hooray Henry mannerisms. Not the case! Imagine two ex public school Hooray Henries spending an afternoon up an old tower used as a tourist attraction yelling "HOW DARE YOU!" at the people on the streets below and generally making spectacles of themselves and there you have me and my boyfriend!

I try and get away with all the most outrageous Hooray Henryisms - "piffle", "spiffing", "jolly good show old chap" and "complete and utter poppycock, my dear old crumpet" are my favourites!

I know! Damn Tories!

I'm tempted to join the Socialist Workers Party, mostly for irony, but also so I can say "Socialist, what what?"

I hate it when men wear shirts buttoned right up to the top and no tie!

I hate it when men wear ties with modern dress! Anything after the 50's is just plain awful!

I like Dermot O'Leary as a presentre but a little petty hate about him is that occasionally I want to shout "pronounce your words for God's sake" at him! His annunciation is shocking!

And he uses the awfully american 'give it up' when he wants applause. 'lets hear it' is a nicer alternative.

Cheap toilet paper that has its end sealed with so much glue that you have to destroy about a third of the thing before you can unroll it normally

And speaking of toilet paper…I've only seen this kind of toilet paper in one place: my old high school. It didn't come on a roll, it was little sheets about 3x4 inches that were dispensed the same way as paper towels, and for some reason that was the only kind of toilet paper they ever stocked two of the bathrooms at my school with. The teacher bathrooms and the bathroom in the theater all had normal toilet paper, but they always, always, ALWAYS put the stupid little sheets in those two bathrooms. And the little sheets are utterly useless--too small to be used individually, but you can't crumple a bunch properly like you can with ordinary toilet paper, so you ended up having to pull a whole stack out of the dispenser and use it like that. And invariably high school students will leave piles of those little sheets strewn all over the bathroom along with the paper towels, etc. I mean, you'd think if they were going to use the little sheets anywhere, they would put them in the teacher bathrooms, where at least the teachers will keep it neater. Okay, I'm done now.

The way that Tim Henman is treated as a bit of a loser - probably because he hasn't won Wimbledon? Totally unfair. He's a very good player and in the 80s we would have gladly had a player of his calibre.

Two petty hates - these come from my daily sufferings on Canberra's bus network, but I think they could be observed just about anywhere...

1. The person who barges to the front of the queue to get on the bus first, and then holds up everyone while they search for their ticket.

2. The person who flags down the number 313 bus to ask the driver if the number 68 has already been past that stop. (How on earth would the driver of the 313 know? Are bus drivers employed on the basis of their psychic abilities? Is the person flagging down the bus a complete dill? Yes, that's probably it.)

Thanks for listening.

Ivan - in need of after another day of commuting.

Number 1 : I think it's common courtesy to let people who were at the stop before you get on first.

Uncommon courtesy perhaps?

Common courtesy - yes. Commonly seen - no.

Then again, I tend to let the over-70s go first, especially if they're carrying lots of stuff.

And here's -related Petty Hate number 3: people who see me let the over-70-type person on the first, and then push me out the way to get on second. This is how I got bruised ribs last week.

Ivan.

On a simliar vein:

1)When you've been waiting at a bar for ages, then someone comes to the bar, gets served instantly and doesn't have the manners to inform the barman/girl you were first.

2)When you go straight to the bar and the barman tries to serve you before someone who's been waiting ages, you inform them that the other person was first, then when they've served them they go and serve someone else....then someone else...then someone else. Do they think you're so altruistic you want the WHOLE bar served before you?

People who assume that because a person's a pensioner that they are more in need of a bus seat than others!

Crosswrods started by other people - I just can't get into the mindset of the person who's set a crossword if it's not in a virginal state when I come across it...especially as I seem to expend all my energy _correcting_ what's already been put in