h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Minifans can have their uses... Weather here just *cannot* get it right, it's too hot now, at least 25 degrees Celsius.

You know two things I hate?
Chimps. Chimps and bigots. Those damned chimps!
BloohoohaghblharghblhaAAAAAgubluk! They're everywhere!

I hate valentine's day with an intensity bordering on psychotic. If it was a person it would now be undergoing torture in my basement -it makes me want to rant, rave and throw bread rolls at the dinner table! If it was a country I'd declare nuclear war against it! UUURGH - VALENTINES DAY!!!

Chimps are annoying when they make too much noise, and valentine's day is depressing.

Cliff Richard and the way he releases a bleeding useless Christmas song every bleeding year. What a capitalistic christian. Let's nail him to a tree.

I get really annoyed by people who use the abbreviated names for the first two months of the year when they speak.

"So I need ot get this finished by the end of Jan cos I'm going on holiday on the 3rd of Feb". It's January and February. You don't shorten any other months!!

Ah but we do, it's a little known fact that Dec from Ant and Dec is actually the month of December, but everyone calls him Dec.

Those people are one of my petty hates.

marking

When people go "uuurgh - that's disgusting!" on hearing the word "moist" or a vogon poem. The fact that "moist" is an absolute gargoyle of a word (and a rather funky one in my opinion) does not make its meaning any more grotesque than that of its synonyms. Have you ever heard someone cringe at the mention of the word "wet"?

Vogon poetry has no real meaning whatsoever and even though the words may sound a bit unpleasant there's still nothing to say "uurgh" about. For all you know the frobbulating glopplebeast in all its plungsome blikkerousness might be the kind of nice innoffensive creature your mother would be delighted for you to bring home with you for tea one day

With you there Utter.

The way that peolpe cant say toilet or lav and have to say rest room or wash room.

I'm just going to the powder room is only acceptable if you are going to the toilet to snort coke and in those cases I'm off before things go any further.

Pedestrians.

Oh, and motorists.

Technically toilet is where you wash yourself - it only need conatin a sink

I watched some of independence day last night. Will Smith quickly had me rooting for the aliens.

I couldn't agree more!

Today, I'm hating the Metropolitan Line on London Underground. At a zone 1 station at 8.10am and the next city boubnd train wasn't for 9 minutes. Absolutely ridiculous. And of course it was packed when it arrived!

Two things I hate about tabloids.

1)When someone has said something and the paper quote them out of context and make it look like an irate statement.

eg) Steve Bruce: I'm not sure that Arsenal have enough strength in depth to mount a title challenge to last the duration of the whole season.

Headline: YOU'RE INCONSISTENT ARSENAL!

2)When they take a photo that captures someone doing something for a split second then write a caption as though their behaviour was ongoing.

Eg) England are losing and a photographer snaps Sven Goran Erikson scratching his forehead for a split second.

Picture: Sven with his head in his hands accompanied with caption such as 'devastated'.

Being called back to do a chore on the way out of the house. I have determined that now is the best time for me to leave, as I have done all that I needed to do, and I have done it at a pace such that I must leave now to arrive on time. Giving me a chore to do not only means I have to remove coat, gloves, et cetera, it is irritating because I know I'm going to be late and I thought I was going to be on time for once. Tell me earlier.

Ad breaks in the news. And channel hoppers. The last one irks me because I'm just about to get interested in whatever it is that's on, then someone changes the channel. I find myself standed on an ocean of existenial uncertainty, which is rare for television watching.

I've just watched Top Of The Pops and it's hit me - I must be getting old. It all seems like utter dirge to me. All the songs. The naff performers. The awful presenters.

There was a funny moment though. Two rejects from pop idol previewed their 'new' song (With a little help from my friends) and the presenter said 'thats a world exclusive of that song'. The rest of the world must be feeling so deprived.

If not liking TOTP makes you old, that means I'm a fogey at 17. It all seems like utter dirge to me too.

Hah yes! The two Pop Idol rejects, with their new song that the Beatles did so much better .