h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nope, we just use saucers here for everything, from soup to main courses; doesn't everyone?

False encouragement: when you're in the middle of some monster undertaking that seems to be taking forever, and someone cheerfully tells you "Nearly there now!"

It just makes it even worse when you do the same amount again, and there's still no end in sight!

Just guessing - you have decided to clean the kitchen.

Those questions that (intentionally or otherwise) weaken your position. When you weren't expecting it.

For instance - (and I should have seen it coming I suppose), 'what are you doing on 7th December?'

Having indicated that I won't be in Tuscanny or California at that time, I am now going to have to resist 3 months of cajoling before they get the message. I will not be going to the work Xmas do.

(And as an asside, I spotted chocolate Santas in Tesco, Southend last night - I am naming and shaming. Easter egg anybody?)

PP

PH - Work Christmas dos.

Our company is so disorganised and thoughtless that they start thinking about it around 20 November. I make a point of having something else on, too.

It's the faked camaraderie at them that does my head in.

There are a handful of colleagues whose company I enjoy and who I'd socialise and have a laugh with willingly. Most of them - let's be honest - I'm only ever in their company because I'm being *paid* to be.

One of my husband's old colleagues was once asked why he never went to Christmas dos and other functions. He relied to the effect, "I spend my days with you because I'm paid to. I'm not paid to socialize with you." A bit sniffy, perhaps, but I can see his point.

The last company hubby worked full-time for was as 'disorganised and thoughtless' as TC's, by the sound of it. One year they decided to do a theatre night-out in London without checking cost of tickets, cost of getting there, cost of restaurants, etc. Needless to say, the event ended up being poorly attended. Most of the time they did 'dinner-and-disco' dos, 'cos that's what the woman who did the organizing liked. Hubby and I didn't attend because we hate discos. Now hubby is self-employed, so we don't have to worry about excuses for not attending.

Actually, you can put that down as my PHoD - people who assume that everybody likes discos. It's not just the Christmas do, it's weddings, too, and other occasions. Come on, folks! Be original!

>> Most of the time they did 'dinner-and-disco' dos, 'cos that's what the woman who did the organizing liked.


That reminds me of when a group of us went, on the recommendation of an enthusiastic girl, to a 'really good' place in London, which turned out to be an effete tapas bar with indifferent cuisine and self-consciously stylish people, a place really best suited to posing. After a while I suggested an even better place, which when we got there, she condemned as being 'just' a London pub. Well yes, London does them very well! If I was in Spain, then I'd choose a tapas bar every time over a London-style pub; but this was not Spain.

Christmas dos, or in fact any other sort of works' do.

I don't *mind* the people I work with, I wouldn't mind even going to the pub with them, but I hate the whole forced cheerfulness of them. It always seems to be the horrendous fallback of "Let's go bowling"

Why? I like bowling, and it's okay in small groups. But what on earth makes someone think that I want to go bowling with my work colleagues? My idea of an evening out to have fun with friends is to sit around a table in a pub and chat while having a couple of drinks. I get time to spend with them. Not to show how awful we all are at a sport none of us play.

It's coming up to that season again though isn't it?

The people I work with are fine, and we all get along well and do often go out for a meal or visit the cinema together. It's having to listen to speeches by the CEO that I object to. The people who only look at the bottom line and who have no idea how we get there.

A few years ago we had extended the plant and the bosses threw a party for the staff. Big marquee, lots of grub. These speeches went on and on with people giving each other presents they didn't need and making jokes about them needing one for their second yacht, or something (I wasn't there) Some of the workers just walked out.

Mind you, the bottom end of the ladder aren't much better. Many of them just take advantage of the free booze and don't give a s*d what the bosses are waffling about at the top table.

"The people who only look at the bottom line and who have no idea how we get there. "

I was at a chrimbo do a fair few years ago now that had a free bar. The owner was there trying to be friends with everyone, he was pissed, the staff were pissed, several people were more than a little honest about the way the company was being run, and several people got sacked in the new year. Which did wonders for staff moral and he couldn't figure out why even more staff then left.

People who don't return phone calls.

I reckon that about half of the people I leave messages for don't call back and then I have to ring them back a couple of days later.

Then they say that they were just about to ring or that they didn't get the message.

We are all busy.

PP

CD, that book list isn’t bad. You could also use the proper books for citing- like we did in the old days, haha- of course. I have a copy of HP... Stone, I’ll hoke it out if you need it.

Fords... I hear you, I hear you. I’m dealing with all that (in N. I) and they’re as useful as Steve Harris would be good at tennis- i.e. not much. Grrr. I rang someone somewhere today to enquire after new equipment. “All in the letter sent out, with quotes and stuff.” I haven't got it yet.
“Where are you getting it from?” She tells me.
“What about the specs? You should have them but y’know I’d need...”
“Would’ve needed to have been discussed with so and so and anyway it’s in the letter.”

For god’s sake just tell me!

PH: Translink. No, I don't have the sodding ticket but I betcha if we get hold of the driver that day, he’d remember me. But that’s not how it works is it? Screw ‘em.

TC, I hate our dishwasher.

RE people who don't phone back- make that people who go underground and can’t be found at all, when you had asked them to do something the last time you met, and they said tomorrow. Argh.

I'm really bad at phoning people back if I miss their call...

My current PH is those people who phone you at Bobforsaken hours to hawk that PPI nonsense. I'm registered with the TPS but that doesn't stop them of course...

Yeah i generally hate callers (despite also being registered on TPS)

however there is one area i like - there are always the people who call who think they've found a new financial scheme/tax loophole etc

My dad is an accountant who until a few years specialised in tax law - he gets very annoyed when the rest of the family are screaming in laughter while he destroys whoever is calling with their complete lack of knowledge


In an aside, he knew he'd finally made it when in a recent set of 619 financial spam claiming that they were a member of a certain company who wanted to take some money out illegally and his name got used

Badger, I was a croupier for some thirty years. The supersecret wonderplans about how to cheat mathematics are better than any slapstick movie.

PH

The assumption that, because you took time to consider an answer to a question, there's no conviction about your final answer. Argh. Or even worse, when they interject with an answer for you.


Other person: Would you say the Olympics has made you more proud to be British?

Me: *considers answer*

Other person: No!

PH: Translink and my mother.

PH: movies shot almost entirely in the dark so as to save money on FX, costumes, makeup and setting...

grrrrr