h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Can I put the amongst the proverbial pigeons here...

It doesn't sound like she wants a relationship with you Master B - if she was coming on to you she probably just wanted sex. I bet if it came down to it she would get to a certain point and then back down. Sorry to be blunt about it but that puberty thing is a real shocker sometimes! The fact that she knows you probably makes her feel more safe and the fact that you are 23, more mature.

Next time she calls just ask her outright if she wants to "go out" with you or if she just wants to shag! It might be enough to put her off. If she says the former then I would let her down gently saying that it's not really what you want given the circumstances, if it's the latter then it is totally up to you!!

Go for it. F**k her brains out. You're in the enviable position of KNOWING it's legal. Tell her mother, but only after the event. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. You'll probably be glad you did, then regret it for a bit, and then be glad you did again, for MUCH longer.

BUT:

1. DON'T forget to make it SAFE. You might not be her first, but you could be the first one with the sense and maturity to do it RIGHT.

2. DON'T treat her badly afterwards (although I don't think I need to mention this one, the very fact you're asking the question makes it a bit pointless saying but I feel I have to in order to counter the rather terse tone above.)

3. DON'T ever foster the illusion it's something deep and meaningful and destined to last forever.

All of which assumes that (a) she's actually attractive, and (b) she's actually up for it and not just flirting, which as someone else pointed out, is a strong possibility.

But as someone else pointed out - when YOU were sixteen, the girls were going out with older guys. Well, now you're that guy. Get it while you can.

H.

My sister went out with an older guy when she was ~16 (7yrs diff? dunno. I wasn't paying attention) and she seems to have avoid massive mental scarring and trauma.

If it's going to be enjoyable for both of you, do it. If not, don't. And make sure that both of you are clear that that kind of relationship doesn't *tend* to last terribly long.

Though my money is on it being meaningless flirting designed to give her ego a boost without any risk. Bet she's not on a website at the moment asking *her* friends about the moral dilemma...

-Lucinda

That or she is reading this and thinking 'Drat! How do I get rid of him now?'

Wow...so much to take in.

Thanks all again for the interest.

Kelli: Yes, I am attracted to her, but not just in a sexual way. As I have said, we have a lot in common, which obviously helps.

Third Man: I never said 'nubile', did I????

L.i.a.t.: I have good reason to believe I wouldn't be her first, anyway. This _is_ Scunthorpe, remember - capital of the teenage pregnancy etc etc.

Hoov: 1) Gee, thanks Dad.
2) Have never done so. Not to her; not to anyone else. Not my style - I'm too much of a charmer
3) Have never done that either. Although it would be nice if it lasted more than a week (*flicks generally derogatory signal at VIP )

B

Hmm!Interesting that you are attracted to a 16 year old at 23.I began my teaching career at 22 and was dealing with 16 year old girls nubile and libidinous.Personally it might be an idea to back off for a short time and allow her to mature a little.It is my experience that 16 year old girls act as if they know what they are doing but in reality they are not really ready for a full grown adult relationship.Anyway at least hold her at arms length until you are really sure what is going on.I'm the parent of a 19 year old who,when she bought home a boyfriend at 16 was relieved to find he was 17.If she had brought home a 23 year old I would have been worried.

Incog.

Ahem. It's not as if I'm _uncontrollable_ around 16-year-olds - applying for PGCE if I were would have been a big mistake.

B

I also have a bit of a dilemma. Should I tell him to stay away and risk ruining my reputation on here as a sex-obsessed geek?

Sorry master B, I'd advice you to steer clear of this one. If you think of her as a child still and even flirting seems odd, I can't see you would be able to take it much further. And it's probably just a harmless flirt on her behalf, but might ruin your relationsship with her mother.

Now, how do I get a ticket to Scunthorpe?

B, the fact that you see it as a dilemma in the first place indicates that you don't realy want to, but that it's the testosterone-goblins that are swaying you. Don't let them control you.

Xan..silly bean

Speak not ill of the testosterone goblins!

ROFL, Hoov! Very well put. I may not agree with what you say, but I can't fault the way you say it.

Have a dilemma myself here - When I was 25 I was in a relationship with a girl I met in the pub. Similarly to your story she started it. We'd been going out for about 6 months when her birthday was approaching - now I assumed that it was her 18th birthday coming up, turned out it was her 17th. In those days I was very much driven by the testosterone goblins - God love 'em, and was making my way through the female population with great rapidity, this relationship led to an engagement though.

Now I'm the father of 5 girls, 4 of whom fall in the age range 14 - 18, and my views are somewhat altered.

The 23 year old me says go for it - and mum too if she shows the inclination.

The 48 year old me says that 16 year old girls are generally very sure of their effect on young men, and she is probably trying out techniques on someone she considers 'safe.' Though... as you've been away for 3 or 4 years you could fall into the attractive older stranger catagory. I once had a relationship with the 'little girl' who lived over the road when we met up in Oxford many years later, and she confessed to me that I was the object of her 13 year old desires, (I would have been about 20)

Personally I would go for a musical date - concert or recital, and play it by ear from there.

If you're still reading the engagement was ended by by her and she then married another bloke with in a year. (A bloke I had never liked.)

*frown* I wish *I* had a few years of whoring before life got complicated .

I have one comment. Don't!!!

you live in england which has some very strange laws regarding sex.

in particular, the age of consent for girls is 16, anything before that is statutory rape.

even worse, and what most people don't know is that the 16-18 year olds can only legally say yes to people under 21.

This leads to the strange situation where a 20 year old can be having a sexual relationship with a 15 year old, and it is illegal, then she hits 16, and it is legal, then he hits 21 and it's illegal again, until she hits 18.

very silly.

I'm pretty sure that this stupidity also applies in wales.

as regards mother daughter triangles, they are generally not a good idea, but they can be fun if you all go into it with eyes wide open.

I'm not knocking off her Mum!

Are you sure xyroth? That has to be a new rule to me...Ye Gods, think of the number of 18-year-olds I've slept with since I've turned 21.

So where do these testosterone goblins live, then?

B

Well h*ll, I feel better then..apparently, you're doing the whoring for both of us

I'm sure you've contributed your fair share...



B

I can count the number of people I've been with on my pretty little eyes *toss of hair*

Hmmm...I'm onto the taking-my-socks-off stage...

B