h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just have this to say:

Nighthoover sucks.

In a truely nighthooverly way, our lord, teh might prophet nighthoover has the power of suction by night and foresight of teh wise and nighthooverly and the nighthooverlyness imparted extends, as suction does to all and sundary, lettuce read from the most nighthooverable of books:



1:1 The Hoooverbs of nighthoover, the father of Vaccuman, king of the small spaces at the back of pieces of furniture where much Dust does collect, created as a consequence of the skirting board being proud of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the effect of preventing furniture from sitting flush with the wall;

1:2 Too know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of the Prophet;

1:3 To receive the instruction of the Prophet nighthoover, to hoover, and possess Nighthooverability Hooverability, and Nighthooverlyness;

1:4 To give Dust-free stasis to the Dust-ridden, to the Nonnighthooverly man Nighthooverability and Nighthooverlyness.

1:5 A wise man will hoover, and will increase nighthooverability; and a man of nighthooverability shall attain unto wise Hooverlyness and Nighthooverlyness:

1:6 To understand Hoover, Hooverlyness,, Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability, and the interpretation; the words of the Prophet, and their Nighthooverly and Hooverable sayings.

1:7 The fear of the Dust is the beginning of Hooverness: but fools despise Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability.

And rest thi eyes apon the words of teh nighthoover, mock not in pity or lack of understanding of nighthooverlyness, but extend your hand, in the night and behold the power of suction and the goodness and nighthooverability that is nighthoover and all nighthooverly,

we shall pray oh nighthoover, cast asunder the faulse ones who claim your name,
show us the light and nighthooverability to which we aim,
through your sign, your words and your wisdom, lead us to the nighthooverly land
take us into your suction, and bring us to teh nighthooverly path that leads to teh nighthooverly ways

In a truely nighthooverly way, our lord, teh might prophet nighthoover has the power of suction by night and foresight of teh wise and nighthooverly and the nighthooverlyness imparted extends, as suction does to all and sundary, lettuce read from the most nighthooverable of books:



1:1 The Hoooverbs of nighthoover, the father of Vaccuman, king of the small spaces at the back of pieces of furniture where much Dust does collect, created as a consequence of the skirting board being proud of the wall by half an inch, therefore having the effect of preventing furniture from sitting flush with the wall;

1:2 Too know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of the Prophet;

1:3 To receive the instruction of the Prophet nighthoover, to hoover, and possess Nighthooverability Hooverability, and Nighthooverlyness;

1:4 To give Dust-free stasis to the Dust-ridden, to the Nonnighthooverly man Nighthooverability and Nighthooverlyness.

1:5 A wise man will hoover, and will increase nighthooverability; and a man of nighthooverability shall attain unto wise Hooverlyness and Nighthooverlyness:

1:6 To understand Hoover, Hooverlyness,, Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability, and the interpretation; the words of the Prophet, and their Nighthooverly and Hooverable sayings.

1:7 The fear of the Dust is the beginning of Hooverness: but fools despise Nighthooverlyness and Nighthooverability.

And rest thi eyes apon the words of teh nighthoover, mock not in pity or lack of understanding of nighthooverlyness, but extend your hand, in the night and behold the power of suction and the goodness and nighthooverability that is nighthoover and all nighthooverly,

we shall pray oh nighthoover, cast asunder the faulse ones who claim your name,
show us the light and nighthooverability to which we aim,
through your sign, your words and your wisdom, lead us to the nighthooverly land
take us into your suction, and bring us to teh nighthooverly path that leads to teh nighthooverly ways

I have been looking

And in the search for our true prophet we attain or at least move toward true nighthooverlyness.
Pray tell; have your searches taken you far and wide in the search? And, as we wait in the reverence of nighthoover; have you found our prophet, is the wearabouts of nighthoover a known thing, or must we all wait, and search, each in our own way, each on our own individual path to nighthooverlyness and nighthooverability?

For I, as many of the nighthooverites have done, have searched far andwide, in many a pub, school, hotel and resturant, to find out if our prophet, the might one, the one son of the one true Bob is to be found on such a unnighthooverly plannet as this, but, as is the case so often, we have floundered on dusty ground, and no nighthoover is in our sights, only those who dare to mock us and our nighthooverable intentions; I speak of those taking the name of the prophet, have ocasionally arroused our interest, allways to be case aside in realisation of their faulseness, but we continue, searching through the minefield of the unnighthooverly and their unnighthooverly ways and mannorisms, until, we hope, one glorious, dust-free day when our patience and diligent searching may be rewarded by the discovery of our prophet nighthoover.
On such a day we would communicate with out hesitation, asking for more guidance in our nighthooverlyness, and find out which direction our path to nighthooverable intentions should direct us, oh gloroius day.

Lettuce pray:
oh glorious nighthoover, who art in sight
give us this day our daily nighthoover,
and lead us not into nighthoovertemptation, but diliver us from dust : we shall read from the book, for it is so:

1:12 I the Preacher was drunk on ale and did impart of the nighthooverly ways, and what was to happened, was that which was to be, such are the well laid plans of those that drink as the prophet did, and does to arise at the time of the removal of the dust, the time called night, the hooverly hour.

1:13 And I gave my disciples to seek and search out by wisdom concerning
all things that are dust, dank, wretched in the dirty respect of filth and dank dusty and such, under carpet, sofa, and cat: this sore travail hath Nighthoover given to the sons of all that stand in reverence of the prophet and the Hooverly ways, to be exercised therewith and at the appropriate time.

1:14 I have seen all the works that are done under the dust; and, quite frankly I’m bluddy disgusted at the level of clenliness demonstrated by those that don’t uphold the prophets ways of drink before hoover, and never hoover when the big round thing floatith so damm annoyingly in the middle of the big blue thing.

1:15 That which is Dusty can be made dustless: but, that which is wanting ale cannot be served outside the system of licensing, and damm that several times over also.

1:16 I communed with mine own ale, saying, Lo, I am come to this state, and have gotten more drunk than all they that have been before me in this place, and grill: yea, my ale had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.

1:17 And I gave my ale to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is hooverly as is the inebriated state in which the act must consume, of hoover-like nature and preserve.

1:18 For in much drunkenness is much Hoovering at the appropiate time: and he that increaseth drunkenness increaseth Hooverability.

2:1 I said in mine floor-facing state, Go to now, I will prove thee with Hoover, therefore enjoy pleasure: and, behold, this also is about as Hooverly as a really, really, amazingly Hooverly thing, and that is just so true.

2:2 I said of laughter, It is mad: I am mad, the Hoover is plugged in, I am mad, the laughter is mad, The Hoover is mad, the dust is mad, I am mad, my ale is a banana and the table leg is half way to calling a petunia a Hoover cable, like as not it is ale, and ale that it is, is that shall be drunk, and I wondered what it was I was getting at, as did most of the gathered peoples about, and of Hoover, What doeth it?

2:3 I sought in mine Hoover to give myself unto ale of the greatest quality and quantity, yet acquainting mine Hoover with Hooverness; and to lay hold on park benches, till I might see what was that good for the men that did lay so, which they should do under the discarded cardboard boxes to their seeming enjoyment, but at this point nothing made too much sense, except the continuing groovyness of the Hooverly way, the table leg as Hooverly as a petunia floated up the lamppost and this I did note.

2:4 I made me hooverly works; I builded me hoovers; I planted me vineyards:

2:5 I made me home brewed ale and wine, and I planted pertunias in the table legs which did seemeth to give much pleasure of all door handles kind of like biscuit fruits:

2:6 I made me pools of water, to water therewith when a toilet seemed distant or unhooverly in its quasi madness:

2:7 I got me servants and maidens, though the servants took me to my house, telling me to sobre, but there blue flashing lights cast night light as if to hoover by; also I had great hooverly possessions of hoover and kebab above all that were in fasionable buttons:

2:8 I gathered me also hoover cable and several adaptor pieces that did attach to the hoover, and the peculiar treasure of the hooverly and of the exhibited: I gat me men singers and women singers, and the delights of karaoke in the pub on a Sunday were realised, as musical instruments, and that of all sorts lead to much more drinking than normal, cause it really was that bad, and don[‘t you believe it, cause it was ransid like shoelaces.

2:9 So I was nighthooverly, and increased the nighthoovering more than all that were before me in line for the night: also my hooverability remained with me.

And as such words take apon us to impart the nighthooversdom of the world in the way of which we must percieve the nighthooverability of it all

er, i liked what Lucky said,

indeed, i *read* what Lucky said,

cya
spiff

STOP hooverites NOW!

this the first message from the daybroom league unfounded. we are here to the sweep away the cult of the anoying hooverites!

I correct

the daybroom league unfounded and disorganised will fight
...atleast we will try

another correction:

the daybroom league unfounded and disorganised will fight against the hooverites...atleast we will try

lettuce pray some more gathered brothers and sisters of the true prophet nighthoover:

we read nighthooververbs:
2:7 Nighthoover layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: Nighthoover is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.

2:8 Nighthoover keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of the Hoover of nighthooverability, hooverly ways and Nighthooverly peoples.

2:9 Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and Hooverability, and the way of the Hoover; yea, every good Hoover.

2:10 When Nighthooverability and Hooverrlyness enter into thine heart, and Hoover is pleasant unto thy soul;

2:11 Discretion shall preserve thee, Nighthooverability shall keep thee:

2:12 To deliver thee from the way of the evil Unnighthooverly man, from the man that speaketh of Dust things;

2:13 Who leave the paths of Nighthooverability, to walk in the ways of Dust and dank really rather horrible dirt;

2:14 Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the unnighthooverlinessness of the non believers;

2:15 Whose ways are dirtyed, and they are Unhooverly in their paths:

2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with Hoover words;

2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her Nighthooverlyness.

Spiff....me thinks you might be more brave than most of us! My eyes started hurting halfway through!

Maybe they'll all get pulled in here(seems a possibility ATM)and we can hog-tie the lot!LOL

NM

Wait a munite...my bad!.....a quick re-read pointed out that I was not thinking of the same posting you were, Spiff.....I read that too....and heartily agree. To a point.

The "'Hoovers" are too funny!

I'm just waiting for Pheloxi* to build the page!LOL

NM

STOP hooverites NOW!

hooverites do NOT deserve more attention so NO page!

this the first message from the daybroom league unfounded. we are here to the sweep away the cult of the anoying hooverites!

We forgive you child as you know not what you say.

Lettuce pray to the mighty for forgiveness for our child that has strayed from the path.

* a faint sound of a vacuum fan whiring in the background *

cast away your chains of unnighthooverlyness and rejoin fellow bretherin in the fold of hte pen of our mighty prophet, for on the day of judgement, all shall be nighthooverable lest those that not pass through the pathway to true nighthooverenlightment rejoin us dear child, give not yourself to the other side

unsubscribe!

A grave loss indeed, yet another has left the nighthooverablyness of the nighthooverability we search for, foresaking their prophet for the unighthooverly ways, lettuce pray that all return into the fold of our lord prophet nighthoover

If you have been following these threads to the great Hoover of the Night, you must now stop and come clean. Are you a true believer (sucker). Watch and pray lest ye fall from the way! Ask yourself these important questions. Do you truly long for the return of nighthoover? Do you yearn for nocturnal bonking noises of hoover against skirting board? Do you lie awake in the night wishing to hear small unseen objects rattling up hoover pipes in their final dark journey to hooverish absolution?
If you can answer yes to these important questions then one day you may be worthy to Change the Filters or perhaps to Fetch a New Dust Bag. If you answer no then you must apply yourself to wisdom and seek the true path to nighthooverish understanding.