h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi. hope i'm not barging in where i'm not wanted. i'm trying to keep myself busy while i also go through a difficult time. wont bore with you the details.
my mother, went through something similar, nothing quite so dramatic, but did see people in the house all the time. we figured out eventually she was watching television, and being alone in the house and kind of housebound (had a stroke that did not incapacitate her but did keep her pretty much in teh one room most of the time) .. anyway we figured out that she was getting too 'involved'in what was on tv and would think she was there, in that situation. i.e. in sun hill police station being interrogated by the boys of 'the bill' or at a race meeting afraid a horse would run her down, and did leave the house on a couple of occasions to get away from someone with a gun or whatever.
it was never dianosed as anything, except maybe old persons disease..
your fathers does sound extreme, and they can give something to calm those kind of thoughts, once they rule out alzheimers .. though i believe that once you hit 80, u wont get alzheimers if u have not had it already.
an uncle went through similar to my mother,he was 77, but it did eventually turn out to be alzheimers,and had been coming on for a while, and unfortunately , though drugs do work to a degree, he is now in a home, and knows nobody.
he thought everyone was his enemy for a while, he thought his wife was his 'other evil wife' and that she was stealing his money, tried to run up the stairs ahead of her to get his stuff before she got to it, or the other people she had hid in the living room, and fell backwards, was lucky not to be badly hurt.

the hospital will help your father, and u should never feel guilty, you are doing your best for him, and he is in the best place, is probably not aware that he is talking to any of you that way..though i know exactly what it's like to see them dissappear, and someone else replace them.
hopefully they can help him calm his fears and you will get grandad back as close as possible to himself ...

We can but hope. Sorry to hear of your experiences.....

Finally got the results of my Dads CAT scan yesterday, and they say that they found a small prt of his brain that has "Died" (Their words)
They say that he might need a month to assess fully, and they have three possible diagnoses at the moment. The First is DLB http://alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/403 which does seem to cover most of his symptoms - the Hallucinations, confusion, etc. The site tagged above also mentions disrupted sleep patterns which he certainly has, and it also says there is no treatment. Another site I looked at last night gives a prognosis of 5 -7 years after initial diagnoses, and also mentions that it can be brought on by depression. The depression part is possible as my Mum died in 2006 of Pancreatic Cancer - they had been married 53 years and he really has never come to terms with it. The second theory is Psychotic Episodes, which also features vivid hallucinations, etc. The third theory is a far more general "Physical Health issue" i.e. something as of yet unknown. The Doctors at the unit he is in have said it may be unwise to take him out at the weekend to celebrate his 80th birthday, but if a long drawn out descent is all he has to look forward to, then I think I would rather spend a weekend with him and the family now while he is still relatively "With It" rather than put it off and find he deteriorates rapidly to a point where it would not be possible. So - what do you guys think? "Carpe Diem" and go with the existing plan or listen to Doctors?

Carpe Diem, I reckon. And hopefully, make it a Good memory for all the familly. It may be unwise, but if, as you say, all he has to look forward to is a slow demise, then I, too would be tempted to take the risk and make a happy weekend for him whilst he is still "aware" Who knows what memories he might retain? Hopefully it'll be the good ones.

I doubt the PTB will be doing any diagnosing or tests over the weekend... will they?

I've been trying to find something to say to you, regarding your dad - my mum is slowly deteriorating, and has fits and starts of being particually verbally vicious every so often - I've had the accusations of stealing from her, going thru her private papers, etc etc, and it's discooncerting to say the least. But then, I was up at hers this last weekend, (funnilly enough, to celebrate her birthday - she's 79 now) and she was sweet as a lamb and surprisingly gentle and kind.

I find her being "nice" far more difficult than when she's vicious, because that's how she always was from the word go. I honestly can't remember one bit of praise or encouragement or indeed affection from her.

I've coped over the years by taking everythig she's said or done with a large pinch of salt, and have gradually (emotionally) distanced myself from her. I care, because she's a sad, sick and stubborn old lady, and no one should be alone. But if I tried to care about her on a daughter/mother level, I'd be in despair a lot of the time myself.

Keep us posted Doc, as to how the weekend goes, for all of you

I dont know what you should do about weekend as could go either way. You have my thoughts as remember how my dad was.

I'd seize the day -- or weekend -- as well, but make sure first that the rest of the family is aware of the problem, just in case. Ditto if you're thinking of going to some public place, like a restaurant. If everyone, including waitstaff, is forewarned, then any outbursts or dissociative events will be lots easier to cope with all around.



Last night I fell. Sort of. It was the end of the day and I had been rebelling against wearing my pressure knee socks, which rebellion really made my legs weaker. I was in the process of transferring from wchair to big comfy chair, and somehow my deader leg wouldn't turn with the rest of my body and it really hurt. I had to reverse the transfer and wound up on the floor between chairs, trying to sort out the joints of my left leg. This was because, in the course of my pained thrashing, I accidentally sent the cordless phone, my lifeline, under a nearby table. The only way to rescue the phone was to give up on gaining altitude.

I tell you this because I managed to get up again by myself, although it took a while. I removed the main cushion from the comfy chair which left a platform low enough for me to get my butt on to... and then I grabbed some throw pillows and blankets, made myself comfortable right where I was with my feet elevated on the wchair, and proceeded to read a good novel for an hour.

That did the trick. I relaxed, my legs regained strength, and finally I made it back into the wchair.

I think there's a moral in this. I mean, besides putting the dratted socks back on.

I don't think I've ever posted in here, but this thread is really an eye-opener to what other people go through. Kind of puts it into perspective the things that i dislike and then you look at what other people go through it just seems trivial,

anyway my contribution would be to go and celebrate the weekend.

Sorry to hear about it all though and i do hope that both you and your dad are ok.

I´m with you Penguin, this thread (and others too) help us to put and observe the things that happen to us from a less self-centered perspective.

Lil, You were brave!

Captain,
I would prepare a simple party, meal at home, a walk in the countryside, something calm. Not too noisy. You won´t stop his mind working in the way it uses to,but surely a calm place sounds better to avoid any trigger that could have a negative reaction in his mind. And also, a calm place is better to manage the situation just in case.
Besides, I think that he might perceive the joy or the positive feelings around him in some degree.
I´ve worked with old people, ocassionaly, taking care of them for a few hours. Time ago. One of them was a quite old man. His mind didn´t work, he couldn´t move either. But his son, treated him as if his father could understand him. The son did all with heartfelt love.
It impressed me.

Have a party or a special day doing things that please you all, You, Captain, also need to relax and enjoy the moment.
Carpe Diem, then.

It is difficult to know what to suggest but I too think a quiet place not a public venue might be best for all of you, but then sometimes they can behave amazingly well in company and 'flip' only with family.

I do hope you managed something nice for him and you, to remember. Deterioration is sometimes quick and sometimes a lot slower than expected. My mother was given five years max and survived for twelve. A lot depends on the general health of organs etc.

and keep us posted.

Websailor

Aye! there is always hope, back in 2001 they gave Mk2 around 2 years to live? Now here we are some 8 years later and she is still with us.

Mind you, that was for her emphysema, not the recent cerebral haemorrhage and stroke that she had recently. The progress back from that has just been unbelievable really, her speech came back OK, but her memory is still a bit vague?

She can also walk a lot better, as she could only walk with the help of a zimmer frame at first.
Its amazing just how quick the body and brain can heal, the past few weeks have been a nightmare for me, and I am having them myself
but the therapist told me today at our meeting, that they might never stop?


Smudger

How wonderful that Mark ll is making such good progress. That she has her speech is marvellous, as that can be horribly frustrating.

It is hardly surprising you are having nightmares with all that going on. The therapist is not very comforting, but the professionals are not always right. Keep plodding on, as Mark ll is doing. She is a bit of an inspiration for us all really



Websailor

I wish that i had some decent advice, but unfortunately i don't. Sorry.

I just hopes that you are both ok

Penguine, just wishing someone well is enough! Smudger, good luck!

Thanks for your posts of support folks, much appreciated

The night mares are from stuff that happened years ago, which only came to light with all the recent stress we have had?

We will both keep plodding on as we have done for the past 14 years, despite everything that life has thrown at us, thanks again folks

Smudger.

Well my friends, the deal is done and tomorrow I take my Dad up to London for the best Birthday we can give him. To those that said "Carpe Diem", I salute you for you have given me strength to do this. My brother on the other hand, wishes to consign my father to a rubber room as it is all too difficult for him to deal with. He never could handle decisions.........
Still - as the Black Eyed Peas have said - "Tonights gonna be a good night"
For my father, all i can say is this: Dad – Thank you for being there for me, and thank you for trusting that I knew what I was doing. Thank you for believing in me and helping my dreams come true, even when it looked impossible. Thank you for being my role model and teaching me what being a man really meant – and thank you for being there for me always. I cannot possibly tell you how much I love you, but just know that I do. You will always and forever be the best Dad I could ever have hoped for. Happy Birthday Dad – and you will always have me and my families love. Have a great day xxxxxx

you are a man, captain, a tender loving man

CB, you have reminded me of my Dad, he was a good man too.

what a beautiful thing to write. and you have written it at such a poignant moment. thats not easy, and i would say more than one tear was shed. you will have good moments with him still, you have not lost him.. but i guess you're anticipating what is to come. i had those thoughts with my mother, when she was still alive, the feeling that i had lost her long ago... but you go and have a hell of a day.. i'll have a large one in his honour!.

I'd drink to that too, Doc.

Have a ball man. In fact, have two

Happy Birthday Pa Doc.

CB, what you are doing is brilliant. I know from experience that siblings can be 'difficult' when dealing with ill parents.

I hope you're dad has an excellent time and that it is not too difficult for you.