h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK. Just that I'd always more associated Athena with Sophia.

hallucinations get complicated. From a simple silent alien it leads to space rays which leads to me making a wristband(real) with foil to turn bad rays into good ones. This sounds crazy until I see the next perfectly clear high definition multi colour ray looking just like a DNA strand so wear foil band daily. Reality is what we see, not what it actually is.

Well...that's insightful. I think you can definitely retain the hope that Normal Service Will Be Resumed.

The phychosis word has finally been mentioned by my phychiatrist. He wants to see how I do on current medication as anti~phychotic meds can add to depression, which I already have. He is right as my hallucinations are mainly benign. However if they start to become distressing then anti~phychotic meds will have to start.

My 80 year old father is currently undergoing treatment for hallucinations. They began about two months ago and on a couple of occasions he fled the house, leaving it wide open. Ha has had a CAT scan and the results are due next week, but at the moment he claims he is not seeing them, just occasionally hearing voices. He is on mild anti depressants at the moment, but no-one seems to know why they started. Anyone else have experience of this?

my late father got hallucinations due to low oxygen levels to brain due to assorted medical reasons. Bad depression can cause hallucinations.

Apparently hallucinations and voices are very common. Most people don't report them, for fear of becoming 'Medicalised'.

phew, I thought for a minute there God asking me to be the new Jesus was crazy. Perhaps it isnt the hallucinations that is bad but the dellusions that can come with pyschosis like me distributing leaflets saying the old jesus wasnt son of god.

oops, Edward was talking to KB, not me!

Has anyone here have experience of Depression? During my extended stay in hospital (2006 - wound was infected and burst) I was "Seen" by somebody who said that I was morbidly depressed.
Today, they may well have a point. I feel useless, with zero self esteem, I run from "Socialising" and there are times when the world just seems to exist "Outside" of me. I have deliberately cut contacts with friends and besides work, I very rarely want to leave the house. Alcohol is starting to become a habit, just to get a brief once a day high after work.......Really would apprecuate anyones input

I suffer from bouts of depression. A few years back each bout could last for months on end. Nowadays, I am lucky that they only last for about day or so then lifts.

Once you recognise that depression exists, you are actually on the road to recovery. Some disapprove of medication, personally I have been on Citalapram for about 6 years and have been on the lowest dosage of 20 mg for about 3 years.

Alcohol might give you a little 'high', but it is actually one of the main causes for blocking the chemicals to the brain and making depression worse.

I know you've have a few rough years in your personal life and hope you are now beginning to recover without the need to turn to drink

lil xxx

Bless you hun - and thanks for the advice. Sometimes it just feels like I am screaming silently into the night. It could be any number of things that set it off - back in secondary school my parents were told "He is a nice boy, but he wont amount to much"
When I left school, my "Friends" did not take it well that my job allowed me to travel the world very cheaply - so I cut them off.
I got dovorced in 1990 and she said that I always was a "Waste of Space" My wife now is nothing like that at all, and I have my two girls who love me to bits - but through no fault of my own, the last two projects I have worked on have both crashed spectacularly due to outside forces. There are other "Personal" reasons I feel a complete failure as well........how the heck do you recover from the culmative effect of years of thinking that ?

You have lost your self-esteem. Eventually it will come back, if you can focus your attention away from yourself and towards say... your daughters?... I know how proud your are of them

You used to enjoy writing. Have you thought of putting something into <./>ThePost</.>? It's amazing how much of a buzz you get from having something published I write poems mainly A12097938

No, I am not intending to promote my writing, but this one has never been published A9201926 you mind recognise the feelings behind it

Noodles

mind = might

I tend towards bouts of depression as well - think I've been roughly where you are now, and it's not fun, is it? I avoided people a lot when I could.

Like Lil, I went onto citrilopran (same dosage actually, so it's obviously a medication for the good guys)but only for a while, and it did tide me over the worst bits, where you feel inert, uselss and in general of less importance than something on the underside of a shoe. I found it just cradled me enough to gather a bit of mental strength. I think of those meds as a sort of sticking plaster - they don't sort the problem out... but they do help *you* to do so, if that makes sense.

(Mind you, it didn't interfere with the evening tincture, and I too gaily glugged away; not for the high, more to get me off to sleep)

Eventually, a set of circumstances, totally unrelated to my depression made me very very angry. I mean *really* *Really* mad, and I let rip with a vengence big time. I tend to keep my temper under wraps, so I was as surprised as everyone else I had such a krakatoa of rage inside me....and boy, I felt good after I'd had a good vent. Sort of new. And for once I didn't feel guilty about being angry, because the circumstances *deserved* my rage. Just for once, I felt totally justified in stating my case in spades.

(That might be a "Woman thing" - women, as a rule, arn't encouraged to be angry; we're supposed to smile and be pleasant. Yeah... right)

What I'm trying to say is that I found a tiny shoot of... I dunno... emotion? And it lifted me a little; just enough to reach out on a good day and arrange myself some councelling. I've done all sorts of stuff before, and yes, they all helped a bit, but not as much as the type I chose to do this time. I went to see a clinical hypnotherapist, and it was the best thing I ever did - I had so much misery and anger inside I'd tamped down inside and "forgotten", it's small wonder I was depressed. And. over a period of 16 sessions (which is about the equivalent of 5 years deep therapy) I got rid of most of it.

Talk about mental constipation!

And we all know just how good it can feel when you've had a damned good dump after a few days of over eating.

All I can say, is be as kind to yourself as you can be until "your" time is right to come to terms with all the crap that's happened in your life. You'll know when it's right, because you'll just get quietly on and *do* it.

I remember when we started off this thread a few years ago, and you were a bit of a life line to me would you but know it, so thanks for that

Nowadays, I do, still occasionally get a day - but it's just that; a day, or maybe 2. Nothing insurmountable.

And I only have a glass of something when I fancy one - to enjoy the taste, not to knock me out, or cheer me up.

And *that* is something I never thought I'd be able to say - and mean.

Its very interesting you mentioned rage......
I was once asked howI managed the pain of artheritis, and I said that "It hates me - so I hate it right back" I know I have a ball of rage in me that - in essence - powers me not to give in to the pain and the inevitable decline in my health. I hate it with a passion for taking so much from me, yet the rage sustains me by making me get up everyday and "Be Normal" Not entirely sure being "Rage" powered is a good idea, but it has worked so far. Maybe the premise is wrong now........

Know *exactly* where you're coming from mate - I used that same sort of rage to cope, as well. And funnilly enough, that rage was -and still *is my saving spark, I just channel it differently.

It's just as powerful...it's just learning (in one's own way) to make it work to one's own advantage, instead of letting it burn you out, if that makes sense. That's what it did to me, anyway.

Oddly enough, I've found that since I got theraped, I still hurt like hell (and like you, I am *determined to "be normal" for as long as it's physically possible) but because I *don't hate it, the hate doesn't feed the pain like it used to. I'm indifferent to it for what it does to me/how it affects day to day life most of the time now. It still hurts, yes, but as I don't mind(it) it doesn't matter any more.

Which is a lot different from the "Ignore it and it'll go away" sort of thinking I used to do.

It probably will sound like a load of old alternitive, hippy trippy crap, but I'm going to say it anyway. I found it was the love of my 2 lads that saw me thru it to begin with. Then my friends. And eventually, (when I'd plucked up the courage) lovers. People *do* accept and love you, regardless of dear old Arthur(itus) and spack hands and lurching instead of walking and all the other crap the body throws at you - *especially* when you accept it for yourself. From no self esteem thru to high self esteem, and growing daily, and enjoying the journey.

I know you probably feel awful at the moment, but it sounds to me like you're on the way to "up" rather than down, believe it or not. Reaching out is the first step, and you're doing that, now.

Keep going! You're on the way

I never thought I could say hand on heart that the put downs I've heard and received over the years would one day, have no influence over how I feel about myself *now*. And don't ask me how the therapy helped, because everyone has their own pace and way of getting rid of all that angst. Everyone's different, but this sort of therapy has an incrediably high sucsess rate - about 95%, apparently.

All I know now is I *know I'm good, and I don't feel the need prove it to anyone. (Although I admit I *still grit my teeth a bit when The Mother goes into viper mode - she can be *such a bitch - and a stupid person on occasions)

And if anyone doesn't think I am, then it's just their opinion, and it doesn't worry me any more.

Which has given me all that excess emotional energy to cope all the better with the disabilities I have.....an upward spiral instead of an downward one.

That's my story, anyway

Take what's useful to you and disregard what's not. This is your journey, and I hope it's a good one in the long run

CB, a visit to your doc sounds a good idea! I know bad depression well and it sucks the life from you.

Hey Evadne

I was a bit of a lifeline to you? Blimy! Thanks for all your comments though - it means a lot to me

CB, yes this thread has turned out to be a great place to chat about disability related things!