h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If a girl kept turning away and not looking at me, I would get the impression that she wasn't interested.

Maybe thats where i've been going wrong all these years.

Yeah, that's what I would make of it as well.

I also have years of what you might call "not realising until it was much too late" - usually the morning after. However, certain things I'd once learned came back to me the other week. A far-from-exhaustive list of signs includes her body position matching yours, the pupils of her eyes being dilated, her reacting positively when you find an excuse to make some sort of physical contact, and surprisingly if she's playing with her hair while talking to you that seems to be a pretty definite signal!

As for when to make your move, well, I've always been pretty terrible at that too - I've often waited for an open invitation, preferably written and signed in triplicate.

But something a girl did to me once worked wonders, and I've quite unashamedly borrowed the idea and recycled it: playing Twenty Questions. Quickfire, she asks you one, you have to answer more or less straight away and then ask one back. You end up asking each other lots of really random stuff, laughing a lot, having a lot of good eye contact as you watch each other think up your answer, and if you slip something along the lines of 'd'you mind if I kiss you now' towards the end of the twenty it usually goes down pretty well! It's a good ice-breaker, too, if you've only just met.

I'd also say, Xan, given your particular situation, that international students are a wonderful opportunity! Without being too cynical about it, they're often a little less picky than they otherwise might be because an actual Englishman (or Irishman, I suppose!) is interested in them. At least, that's how I interpreted the situation with the girl I met at University and went out with for six years - she was Italian and I'd normally have thought she was out of my league. But according to her, with being an international student, it's often very easy to meet other international students but you hardly ever get to know anyone from the actual country you're studying in. And as they usually went to that country because they've got a soft spot for it, they've often got a soft spot for the natives of the country in question as well!

Not, according to her or my friends, that she was actually out of my league... it was just my confidence level at the time. And it took something like that to give me the boost I needed to make it happen.

Xan is another international student...

Yeah, but being perhaps the only Dane in Cork should make me seem a bit exotic at least.

I do remember somebody giving a list of things that shows a girl is interested in you. That she keeps eye contact was one of them. Seems now that if she avoids eye contact that is also a sign. Hmmm.

When I talk to a girl, I do try and look out for any signs that she is interested in me. It is just that it never happens. So trying to judge when to make a move by seeing how long it usually takes would be better. Like if a girl in a club has been talking to you for an hour and not run away, does that mean she likes you?

It may well do.

I've just discovered a new technique, I can always be direct and ask them, I may get rejected, but I may not, and it saves a lot of faffing around.

Personally I've given up on asking girls since it never works, whereas every now and then a nice friendly girl will make a move on me.

I've had a guy say "I want to kiss you".. that worked! We had been talking for quite a while. Generally if I want a guy to kiss me, I know my body language gives all the signs (facing him, open arms, touching him now and then, etc.), I've also turned away suddenly before and spouted "sorry, I just had the urge to kiss you!" which worked too!

I've always been bloody useless at spotting any signs in anyone else too, which is a bit daft as im psychically empathic! and i tend to not show it as much as i can if i do like somneone in case they laugh at me or something! ..prolly explains why ive spent all but nearly 2 of my 27 years on this earth single !

yeah but thing is, you can spot these things among other couples, but the moment you think someone you like might like you, your brain goes eeeek and hides!

yup! i think it mudst it must be wishful thinking on my part as no one in their right mind would look twice at me!

Yeah but that's not true. The thing is, one thinks that, then doesn't dare to think somebody might fancy them, because why would they?
Which probably explains, if an awful lot of us are thinking that, why we don't find each other.


You'd be surprised at how many people are attracted to you.

Hmmmm not sure about that..though i spose someone somewhere could be mad enough and not be either a complete git or emotionally/communicatively retarded as ive had so far!

so we've been over the signs girls give..what about the blokes?

I was reading a report of a "dating class" they were running at MIT, for all them poor geeks there. They were asking both sexes how they would know if someone of the opposite sex fancied them. The guys gave the usual about body language, eye contact etc. The girls said that the guys would get all red in the face, mumble and avoid eye contact. So there you have it.

It isn't just with someone liking me, I have also been able to not notice that someone had turned into a couple untill weeks down the line. And also just hints about other things in general. Most of the time I do find it difficult to imagine anyone would like me. But I have a few times thought someone did like me, only to find out I was wrong. So it's not just my perception.

ive got no problems, ive always been unattractive!!!

i never think anyone likes me unless im drunk, then every one loves me, if i like someone i make them come out round town with me, come onh to them when im drunk if they respond then fine if not next morning im like im so sorry i was drunk!

now thats a plan!!

some would refuse a drunk advance though even if they really like you!

and from reading stuff on body language i thought men kept eye contact when they like you rather than not as women do!