h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am wearing skin-tight leather trousers here at work.

I'm not....

Im not any more, I just rode my m/bike in and forgot to bring my trousers for work...

Sorry, I can't picture that image in my head, and I don't think I'll try. Today's useless information from lord high of the admirality is that:

HMS Ocean is the flagship of the British royal navy fleet!

The bottom of the ocean is under water....

That depends on your definition of "under"... From here in Scotland, I percieve the bottom of the bottom of the Indian Ocean between Australia and Antarctica to be above the water, in that, travelling directly down, I would reach it before I reached the water...

Would you? I guess I would too.....

So in that case the bottom of the ocean is over water?.....

Ok, Ok!!

The Bottom of the Ocean is Nearer the centre of the Earth than the Surface..... Usually....

Well apart from the Netherlands & the Quattara deprssion, I fail to see where the above statement is false!!!

Depends on your baseline, the Oceans do bulge at the Equator, so pray the World doesn't slow down much, or they'll slosh all over the place

or even if the moon slowed down abit!!!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh My God!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death.
(Creepy...I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping
the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Ever eaten roast lion?
Go for the feline option man, who said lios don't orgasm for...
Whoops that would need 25 hours in the day wouldn't it?

Ever eaten roast lion?
Go for the feline option man, who said lios don't orgasm for...
Whoops that would need 25 hours in the day wouldn't it?

It's the 15th of the month in China.
In the lunar calendar.
It's a good time to pray...

That long list of useless information typed by Edd, I got that as an e-mail once!!!

We used to go through two pages a day on this thread.

I've got a Douglas Adams quote on my clipboard! Look:

"The statistics relating to the geo-social nature of the Universe, for instance, are deftly set out between pages nine hundred and thirty-eight thousand three hundred and twenty-four and nine hundred and thirty-eight thousand three hundred and twenty-six; and the simplistic style in which they are written is partly explained by the fact that the editors, having to meet a publishing deadline, copied the information off the back of a packet of breakfast cereal, hastily embroidering it with a few footnotes in order to avoid prosecution under the incomprehensibly tortuous Galactic Copyright laws."

My mug is yellow!

I shaved my sideburns of this week, thus making the upcoming caption competition hopelessly outdated.

From the window beside me I can see three bus stops, but currently no buses...

...oh no, there's one now!