h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Munchkin, I believe you're taller than Dudley Moore, and look at the girls ~he~ pulled!

Amy is running this auction -- Babel is just throwing popcorn from the sidelines cos he's already spoken for.

But I can't play the piano!. And I'd need to find a Peter Cook to catapult me to fame and dull talkshows *Begins to mull over possibilities in corner, occasionally saying, "Why yes Michael, I did!"*

I've met Munchkin, and he's got more style than most taller people! (and he wears cool waistcoats)

Although I ought to put this in the 'what do men look for in women' thread, I might as well say it here: I have never found height to be a factor in how attractive I find a woman. I suspect it might be different the other way round in certain cases - the BBC have published a news item to that opinion today in fact.

However though height doesn't affect attractiveness, taller women do tend grab my attention quicker.

Would we have to pay VAT?

Nah, it's a personal sale. But a tax does apply, payable to Amy and myself

~pauses for breath~
Whew!
I'm not here for ONE day & then have to plough through 8 pages of backlog! Where DO you lot think you are? An auction of a fine specimin of manhood on h2g2? With no naked celebritites to endure either?
Right.
*rolls up sleeves on Angel gown*
Potholer: The "...but..." always follows either a compliment, or an apology.
And BOTH sexes use it.
"You're the nicest person I've ever met, but...."{they are not looking for nice right now} the pause is greater when they are trying to lie in a way they will remember, *just* in case the new {exciting!!!} person doesn't work out & they decide they do want you after all...because they would rather be with YOU than nobody.
"I'm sorry, but .....this just isn't working for me".../I need space...../.....I need some time alone."
Guaranteed you'll see them in the pub the very next night with someone new.

Right:
My bid for Peregrin.
The entire contents of myLover's Fan Club, {looks around nervously for hezher} AND my footspa.

That seals it then.
A simpost with the man himself.
~hands over ,and footspa & carts off Peregrin~

men are the strangest things, I hope I got it right this time!
Hxx

Hang on! What about the pencils and the Picasso?

*watches GB drag Peregrin off to his fate*

Oh well, going, going, gone (quite a long way, I notice).

*bangs gavel on Munchkin's head*

So when's the next auction starting?

Perhaps we should have one once a fortnight in a similar way to "household clearance" auctions in most provincial British auction houses.

~starts feeding Peregrin~
Fate? There's worse fates than being fed.
What did you think I wanted the lad for?
He did say he had his own icecream maker.
Have fun with the footspa, Amy.

Good point! *gets some more popcorn, though he has never thrown any in his life *

Hmmm... Is that it then? Peregrin sold off? Oh bother...
I was just gonna say, a man should have a nice name. He should be more than just a number...
Wha'? Who me? Auction me off...?
We..e..ll I dunno... Oh! OK!

"Our next offering is Lot number 162344, a high mileage beater with plenty of character. Won't last. Needs new rubber. Answers to the name of..."

*bursts into tears, wanders off to side weeping hysterically*

Is the auction over? What about Mrs. V's two ex-boyfriends? What about the Man of Tin? I had placed a bid on the one without realising I had to take two, which is way beyond my psychological means, so I'd have to retract my earlier bid...

There is only one thing that I don't do with a man shorter than I, and that is dance.

Isn't it strange that short men ~love~ to dance with tall women?

I've always wondered why that is, too, having never got the chance to dance with a tall woman

Oh and Lil, you could always take the job lot, and auction the unwanted one on. Or give him to the needy

It's all over, I'm afraid. Would you like those two gift wrapped? I'll take 162344 (neé jwf) home with me because he looks so upset.