h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*underneath the cliffs lies the entrance to the cave system. It is patrolled by a Celery Guard Clone*

*After entering from a locked and guarded heavy metal door, the Apachello Chief walks through the passages of the cave system, passing many side passages, making his way to his destination. A determined and somewhat pained expression is etched on his face. He carries a furry bundle under, or rather, attached to his arm.

He comes out of the cave system past another locked and guarded door and begins making his way upwards through the village. Eventually, he gets to the Church of the One True Celery and enters:
611?thread=611200/thread/191759" >F91200?thread=191759&latest=1

...... waaaaahhhhh !!! Oooof !!!!

*from nowhere a Jello comes plummetting through a hole in the roof and lands in a dishevelled heap in the cave system*

Good grief that was a lucky escape

*dislodged by the fall a stray rock hits him on his head knocking him unconcious*

*A ladder drops through the hole, nearly spearing AMCJ. Munchkin climbs down*
I say! Lucers, what are you doing here? Umm Lucers? Cooeee? Are you all right there?
*Gives AMCJ an experimental shake*

*Shakes AMCJ some more* Oh dear, he is well out of it. Well, he seems reasonably safe here at the mo' and I really ought to get on with finding Lil.
*Arranges AMCJ in a recovery-esque position and heads back up the ladder, which he leaves in position so that AMCJ can get out should he wake up*

*somewhere on the other side of a heap of rubble*

Uhhh... now what have I done? *slowly gets to her feet, noticing a glow further ahead and realising that she is uninjured except for several bruises*


Well, at least there are no fleas in a cave. And this is a pretty big cave, too. And that looks like torchlight up ahead.


*picks her way as quietly as she can toward the light*

*starts to come round and manages to raise himself from the floor. In his dazed state he doesn't notice the ladder and stumbles off in the opposite direction into the semi-darkness*

*A spoon inexplicably falls from the ceiling amid a small shower of dirt and lands on Lil's head. A very faint flickering light can be seen through the very small hole in the ceiling where the spoon came from.* It came from here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F91200?thread=198231&post=2263207#p2263207

*Lil looks up, startled, only to catch a bit more dirt on her face. The ceiing isn't very high and she finds it fairly easy to peer back through the hole, but can't see very much. Bending to retrieve the sppon, she begins scraping away to enlarge the hole*

*lost*

Hullo ? Anyone there ? Of all the dashed luck.

[Zero] [echoing in the distance] Hello? LIL?

Hulloooooo ... is that yooooo hoooooo

[Zero] [echoing] Who the hell are you??

It's me old boy-oy-oy-oy

Who the deuced are you-hoo-hoo ?

*Affy enters the scene. When last seen, he was confronting a stranger in the abandoned mines. What happened since then? Hard to say, exactly. However, the maps and parchments that he writes on as he travels may offer some clue*

Affy *muttering to self as he writes on a map*-Okay, room seventy-eight of this cave system....still no treasure....still no cure to be found for the ancient indian curse I invoked, but I've still got a few days. I think....wait....what's that?

*Affy looks up at the hole in the ceiling*

Hmmm....investigate? Or continue down here?

*Affy checks his map, and draws a few lines to indicate all of the different passages leaving from this room, including one going up*

Wish I knew what happened to the posse since I got lost down here....

[Zero] [still echoing bot not in the distance anymore] Hello, Affy.

*Climbs down into the cave system again* Oh, Lucers has gone! This does not seem to be going right at all. Hmmm. Hello! Hello -lo-lo-lo-lo-lo! Now how does it go at Hampton Court, always stick to the left. Err, lets give that a go then shall we. *Wanders off into the darkness, hand on the wall and occasionally shouting Hellos*

[Zero] .....

..... Hellooooooo-o-o ?

Keep to the left lad, and you can't go wrong. Heeellllooooooooooo oo ooo oo o
Hmmm, that was a very large echo, must be a decent sized cavern soon. Tell you what lad, if nothing exciting shows up soon we'll turn back, what do you say? Hmmm, oh, and stop talking to yourself, people will think you've gone soft in the head.