h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

by some magic transforms the second statement from a question into the imperative.

*sea covers her head and takes advantage of the cover to crawl under the coach and use it as additional cover*

*she is now covered in dirty jello. her hat is full of holes, her hair is tattered, and her clothes are torn*

i need a vacation.... *sigh*

*gallops up, leaps off her horse, and slides under the wagon with sea*

what the heck happened here? i turned around, you were all gone, and then kaboom! i'm starting to feel left out of the action here.

*cringes as a bullet wings by her left ear*

okay, i've had it. it's time to take matters into hand. billy, what do you say? what's the plan of attack now?

*Fetches some water and a soft cloth and starts to tend to the Reverend, hoping he'll wake up*

well, we *WERE* going to go into the jail and hang about for a bit, i think... i'm getting a bit foggy. all these---aie!

*sea ducks as another bullet puts another hole in her hat*

grrr... all these bullets make me forget myself.

*Rev. Lovejello begins to stir.*




Why, I must be in heaven, because you are an angel.

* so hard she falls off the couch*

Sir, yew are too kind...

*concerned*

Are yew allright? Do yew hurt anywhere?

*shoots several holes in sea's couch*

[from inside the Jail]

Yee haaw ! Whut a shot Joe, got her in the coach and on the couch ! And if'n ah'm not mistaken that last shot wus from at least 6,000 miles away. Gud on ya boy.

Now see if you kin git that fine looking Redhead !

~zing~

*another bullet spits up some dirt right next to Montana*

*leaps into the coach, cranks the gatling gun round till it faces the jail, and pushes the button, cranking to spread the damage*

You all got cover fire now -- find positions! Somebody git behind the jail!

*the front of the jail dissolves into a cloud of splinters as Billy methodically rasterises the building*

not my couch!!!! allright, now it's personal!

*sea aims and fires back at the two jellos in the jail. while they duck, she climbs up so she can shoot through the windows of the coach*

careful, MR, they're gunning for you!

darn! simulpost! cancel that last bit.

*sea runs for the back of the jail, sliding in the dirt when passing the windows. she pauses to reload*

Yeeeeeeee-Haa!

*starts writing "KID" with bullet holes on the desk inside the front room of the jail, a front room which is now actually a porch*

*sea reaches for the doorknob to the back door*

*sea turns the doorknob, which emits a loud squeal*

*firing from the Jail abruptly ceases*

*sea's voice can be heard from inside the jail*

EASY ON THE GUNFIRE, GUYS, I'M INSIDE!

*Carmel, greatly comforted by the Disgruntled Ape, revives.*

Oh, stuff and nonsense! As I was fading away I seemed to recall that the word "prance" was somehow very important, but now I haven't any idea at all why. Sigh!

*Notes sea entering the front of the jail*

Hmmm! I really feel that someone should check out the back of that building. Come along girls, and if you are good I'll show the Apes those spots behind your ears you like scritched so.

*the pugs are reluctant to abandon their new playmates just now, but they obey, taking an alley that leads behind the jail.

And Tidbit, stop eating my spatula and give it back, please.

*puts a hand on Billy's shoulder, signalling him to cease fire*

Come on, let's follow sea in. Rest of the posse cover us!

*grabs shotgun, ratchets in a fresh load and heads for the jail*