h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Gilling enters the brig, as per the captain's orders to keep an eye on the stowaway while he and the first mate discuss something elsewhere*

Hello, there. You've been causing quite a deal of commotion on deck. Out of curiosity, why're you here? Why would you *want* to be here? Between sneaking around and hiding for the first part of the voyage, and now this stay in the brig, I'm sure that pleasure isn't your concern.

*Sighs and leans against a wall*

You know, I don't want to alarm you, and it probably won't come to this, but capital punishment isn't out of the captain's possibilities. I'll grant you that I have never, ever known of any time that the Captain chose to resort to that, but it's not unheard of. Especially in the lawless seas of the world.

*Grins, and continues*

It's gotten a lot better, though. You hardly ever hear of anyone getting anything other than reduced rations, or a whipping at the very worst. But back when the world was a bit younger, anything could happen. Starvation, whippings, death, the list went on. Pirate captain's would even torture some people. They'd slowly kill 'em if they weren't in a hurry and were bored.

*Walks over to the prisoner, and touches her wrist, indicating a vein*

That was one of the most insidious, vile, and cruel times that the oceans ever had to witness.

*Stands, and starts pacing*

Not these days, though. But still, just keep it in mind. Better to start working out whether or not you really want to keep quiet about who you are and what you want.

*Runs out of things to say, realizes that he's rambling, and leans against the wall again, bored*

*walks over to Gillings and stands approximately three feet away from him, apparently sizing him up*

Really? Torture, you say? What an interesting application. I suppose if the captain thought it appropriate I couldn't really resist, now could I?

But then he wouldn't really have a reason to, now would he, seeing as I'm not a spy, as it seems you're insinuating. And just so you know, if you were trying to be intimidating, you're not doing a very good job. I've had far worse interigations. Try a bit harder next time.

*she grins like a cheshire cat and walks to the end of the brig opposite Gillings. She sits down on the floor, cross-legged, chin in her hands. A bored expression slowly begins to creep across her face*

Please, do not assume, Mrs.....Ms? I'm sorry, I've not yet been told your name. Anyway, do not assume that that was intimidation, or that we believe you to be a spy. Had I intended to intimidate you, I would have burst into this brig, and started shouting at the top of my lungs, to convince you that I was just a few feet away from the brink of insanity. Then I may have pulled out a makeshift weapon. A cudgel, perhaps, seeing as driftwood is the closest thing that I would be permitted to use in such an occasion.

In any event, madam, you must admit that your presence here is startling and confusing. We have no idea as to your background, nor do we know what your intentions were. You could be, as you suggested, a spy, or perhaps you were just attempting to find your way to a family gathering for no charge. You could be anything from an assasin to a zoologist, for all that we know.

Now, would you be so kind as to save everyone some trouble and tell us just what you were planning on doing on the Mary Celeste, or what you were planning on doing once we had reached our destination? With the storms at the beginning of this trip, we don't need anything else keeping us awake at night, now do we?

*walks by the Brig hoping to catch a word with the Second Mate*

Aye, sir, is there somethin' that I can do for you?

*The second mate trips over the same rope that Lorenzen tripped over and similarly injures himself.*


Yo is going to be away for about a week. Perhaps you could put him in his hammock

Don't you mean the First Mate, GL?

Oops - I meant Seaman Volkert

*Curses mildly, and helps the Second Mate up*

Whoever keeps leaving this rope lying around is just asking for some of that capital punishment. Now, to get him to his quarters.

*Looks around*

Um, but I shouldn't leave you here without supervision.

*Thinks, sets up a cot for Volkert in an unnocupied cell, and hopes that he can be relieved of this duty soon so that Volkert can be taken to more comfortable surroundings*

It'll do for now.

/* wakes up */

Ow, my head. I feel strange... different somehow. And hungry.


Sir, I have a difficult subject I want to address, and I'm not sure how to start...

Sounds important, sir. But not here. If it's that important, let's move away from prying ears.

*Motions to a conversation marked "Private Conversation Between Volkert And Gilling In The Brig"*

That looks like a better place. Let's head over there.

Who are you?

finds out that he is talking to noone and leaves for the deck

>After the Game ended<

C'mon, Affy, you call that an interogation? Lorenzen would have *really* let her have it.