h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

.........well,there are planty of clues scattered about!!

Elision of third person neuter singluar of verb to be: it's (= it is)
Possessive of third person neuter singular: its (cf his, her)


Picky little bugger, am I not...

Right Mate...

shouldn't that be *Right Guard* ....or do you mean *Work Mate*..I think thats a dirty word for L&PP at the moment

My farewell card has a picture of a guy leaning against a building, covered in blood, knife sticking out of his back.

The caption reads "So much for the golden handshake"

The boss walked out on my farewell speech

Getting back to the subject in hand, here's a few one-liners I received by e-mail today:

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

What's the speed of dark?

I have a photographic memory... I just don't have film.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I'm not overweight I'm undertall

Pip

And of course "Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?"

Hi guys(girls ??? where ???),

In case you don't know(I dOn'T ThInK sO but well...), these are Steve Wright one-liners and you should be very careful posting those as they give me an irresistable urge to join in. This might be a bad idea as I have collected a HUGE number of Wright-isms. Just so you know.

You might want to check out the forum on 'USA needs to import humor' if you appreciate Steve...

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=316&thread=4410

On the other hand...I might join in anyway


One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in I was the most gorgeous blonde Chinese girl...I sat beside her. I said 'Hi' and shen said 'Hi' and then I said 'Nice day isn't it ? and she said 'I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem'. So I asked 'What's the problem ?' She replied, 'I can't tell you, I don't even know you'. I said 'Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect stranger on a bus.' So she said 'Well my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish boys..by the way, my name is Denise. I said 'Hello Denise, my name is Bucky Goldstein....'.


'Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before...'

'I bought some powdered water, now I don't know what to add...'


Thank you Mr. Wright.

TM.

Late I know, I've been away.

Actually that Captain Pugwash cast is all bogus.
The one you quoted was invented by the late Kenny Everett

The original cast was:
Captain Pugwash
MISTER Bates
TOM the cabin boy
and the Able Seaman was not called Staines. His name escapes me at the minute.

There's bound to be a Captain Pugwash forum somewhere.

Okay, not ALL bogus. Captain Pugwash was in the original.

Light blue it may be (sorry, light blue it IS, calm down now), but it is certainly not a LIMIT. In fact, it's No Limit. A Light- blue, No-Limit.

O.K. pedants- ready, set, TYPE!

Where did THAT come from! I thought that we had buried this forum!
shazzPRME

Thsi forum started out as *submitting entries to the guide* Having
just ploughed my way through the whole lot I am having serious problems fathoming out just HOW it mutated...but mutate it certainly did !!
shazzPRME

The true life meaning of a paradox is that my girlfriend say's that she loves me but the day after she becomes a total Bastard..?
Why?

Ah, mutations... time to limber up and run through my color changes,

Steven Wright jokes are the BOMB. Here's one of my favorites:

My friend George is a radio announcer. When he walks under a bridge you can't hear him talk. (...shadow grey...)

The other one is when he calls information looking for his socks. He says, "I can't find my socks."
The operator says, "Look behind the couch." They were there. (...fades to a dingy yellowish-white...)

And speaking of information... did that just bring us back to the topic of how to get entries approved for the Guide?
Whoa, that was clever! (...beaming a satisfied gold...)

Steven Wright humor.......

- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

"Would a fly without wings be called a walk?"

(turning purple with the effort not to spray water from my nose while laughing -- at work)

Thanks!

BTW, I think Santa's losing weight: he's been to see me a few too many times, I think.
(...blushes a slow crimson...)

--C.

hehehehe!
shazzPRME

i think you are right, my namre is dan and i am only 12 but who cares?

My god! I've reached the end of it all. And now for a total dislocation. If a small child refuses to go to bed on time, is it morally wrong to tell him that if he dosen't go to sleep he will go insane and die? It's techniclly true.