h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Clutching the butter Loony heads of to do the Last Tango In Paris.

I dread to think what you're going to get up to..tangoing with butter!!Are you sure thats a good idea? Maybe the *butters* mother will come over & chew the bottom of your trousers Pass me that goat someone

Last Tango In Paris was a movie released in the 70s. It starred Marlon Brando as an aging American in Paris. He meets a beautiful French girl and they spend most of the rest of the movie making love, falling out, making up, making love. The butter was a product replacement for vaseline.

My goodness ... how did this conversation begin??

it was a dark and stormy night in Tunbridge Wells, Tasmania.........

....And there was an unexpected knock at the door....I t can't be the postman..he always knocks twice..........

A roaring sound echoes ominously through the trees. Is it the wind or the last Tasmanian Tiger? The door creaks ajar.....

But the jar doesn't like being creaked by a door....so heads off into the wilds to hunt for.......

....wise men bearing gifts, alas, it being Australia, the search proves fruitless, but wait, what's that over there?

Why!!!! It's Flash Gordons' Space Ship!!!And is that Dale Arden having a quick leak behind the billabong tree??And just WHO is that spying on her??.........

Rolf Harris comes out from behind the tree. Hello there, I was just tying my kangaroo down. Would you like to see my etchings?

No thank you says Dale....I've been caught like that B4!! But I would certainly be interested those 2 little boys concealed in your knapsack........

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=14180&thread=14318........the story transfers here!!!

An Australian, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Australian.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Australian took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Australian had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Australian started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"


p.s.
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway."

hahahaa.....nice one AGAIN PP...you're full of those aren't you LOL

It's all part of being a New Zealander. The Australians have just as many, just as bad, about us. By the way the ripping yarn continued link you posted goes nowhere????

ooops...sorry...check out mu h/page...its the *Flash Gordon & Rolf Harris* journal entry ..what did I do wrong....I think I should have taken out the http bib LOL

Is this an oldie or not ?

Bill G. dies and meets St. Peter. St. Peter gives him a choice and first shows him Heaven. It's beautiful and tranquil and the people are all so very at ease etcetera etcetera. Then he is shown a glimpse of Hell. He sees beautifull sexy girls, drinks galore, great music, everything he wants is there and it's for free('cause you can't take it with you).
Anyway, Bill says to St. Peter : 'Well I really like Heaven you know but I think Hell is even better'. No problem says St. Peter and a couple of his assistants lead Bill to Hell.
All of a sudden he is up to his neck in boiling tar plus ALL the other bad things that can happen to you there and he yells at St. Peter : 'This is not what I saw !!!'

Sorry, St. Peter says, this is the production-version, what you saw was the Beta-version...

TM.

LOL...nice one Towel Master

Regardgin Australians and sheep - I think you have us mixed up with the New Zealanders. We don't do such terrible things. Here, men are men, and kangaroos are scared!!