h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* This small beach is almost entirely hidden from the ocean... *

* The great rifts that break upon the crags here normally bar anyone fool hardy to come too close to meet their certain doom... *

* The beach only measures about 30 ft but its brillant white chalky sand is a welcome sight, especially if you have been given up by the sea gods and finally come to rest here... *

* The craggy rocks loom overhead making it somewhat dangerous to traverse over them... *

* A small cave leads into the darkness not far off... *

* A small boat lies broken here... *

*Kes decides he doesn't want to know. He tucks the book away - unopened. Lintilla has recovered a little, but is still ready to cry at any moment. Peaceful is a whiter shade of pale - better than grey, anyway.
So far, no-one has come to rescue them*
There's never a Marshall when you need one, eh? Any Marshall - even ddgb.
*Lintilla shivers as a breeze begins to rise. The smoke begins to disperse, Rescue seems less likely*
Keep your chin up, Lin. Peaceful always says there's a purpose for everything. I hope she's right ...
(I hope she's all right ... silently)

* The fire flickers and the trail of smoke heads out to sea... *

Oh thank you - thank you so much (*says Kes to the sky, or no-one in particular*) Is that it then? Great! Bloody fantastic!
*Lintilla starts to cry*

Is everyone okay?

* Some Bloke realises that wasn't a very wise move and crashes against the rocks and goes helplessly under the water...!!! *

Sorry, Lintilla - I was just letting off steam. It'll be alright - I promise.

(Thinks: Wish I knew how ... Actually , I do know how. When we first arrived here we had nothing, and we worked out how to survive. We'll just have to start all over agin - using what we know.)

Lintilla - come on - I've got a great game. We're going to set up a special camp - just for us three, and we can pretend to be your Mummy and Daddy - just until we go home. OK? Yes - good.
*He looks round. There is a cave at the foor of the cliff. The rock face looks a bit unsafe, but the cave has a good overhang - should provide shelter. He helps Peaceful to her feet, and supports her - walking towards the cave.*

Come on, Lintilla - you bring the matches, and the book, and pick up any wood you can carry - we need another fire.

*They reach the cave. After a look round, finding nothing scarier than some small frightened (non-venomous) spiders, they settle in.*

I'm going to find some dry leaves to start the fire - let's keep the book for an emergency (Ho, ho, ho - this isn't one?).

*Kes finds some leaves near the cave. They will do. Something shines on the beach. Kes finds a few things from the wrecked boat: the compass - good. Some of the leaf-wrapped food parcels - great - too tired to find food today - this will keep us going for a bit.

*The beach fire is virtually out. Kes takes a long stick of driftwood, and tries to retrieve the charred anorak. As he snags it, two small tins fall from the inner pocket.*

Yes! They gave us three tins of emergency rations. I ate one the first day, then forgot about the others. Great.

*Stuck to the fabric is the golden spoon*
I can't think what I'll use you for now, but you never know.

*Before returning to the cave, Kes decides the anorak has gone to the great Army Surplus Store in the sky. He impales it on the long stick, and fixes the stick into the sand. From back at the cave, the new "flag" looks like a highly appropriate symbol for the new state of affairs.*

Come on you two - let's get a fire going.

* The audience sighs as they realise the anorak is finally at an end, knowing the full cherished meaning of this battered article of clothing... *

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK - hang on - coming.
*Runs down the beach, sees sb in the water*
Hang on to the rocks - coming.
*The water is quite shallow close to the rocks - swimming only needed when some way out - sb is not far out of his depth*
Ok - got you - come on.
*Drags him a bit*
Right - put your feet down now. Come on - we've got a fire going.
Where did you spring from? Are any of the Marshalls coming to rescue us?

* The wind whistles it enigmatic reply... *

*The wind is starting to get on Kes's nerves. Even so, it cannot distract him from thinking about the situation. Four people, one a child (albeit resourceful), one (Peaceful) not looking too well. At least sb has apparently recovered - and he's clever - well cleverer than Kes ...

*Rations? Two tins of "compo", four parcels of smoked fish - not quite enough for one day.
*Fresh water? Yea, great - next to none - a few puddles where water drips down the cliff.

*The whistling wind has whipped up quite a sea. With no boat, we daren't risk swimming over the coral reef.
*The cliffs behind us crumble when you look at them.

We could get out of here by walking along the beach - in either direction, but which way to the Jetty? and how far?

*A totally useless thought flits through Kes's mind - he hasn't thought about needing his Mum for ages ....*

Peaceful - wake up. You OK?
Relax - no problem - well not many.
Will you take watch for a bit - just keep the fire going, and make sure Lintilla's not frightened - honorary "Mummy" stuff, I'm afraid.
I just need a bit of rest.
*He judges her mood; thinks he might just get away with it*
Thanks ... love you.
*A kiss. Not a passionate warm-up - not in front of the child! Just ... comfortable*

* Peaceful contents herself that at least here SHE can't get her hands on Kes here... *

* Gradually the Sun arcs its way across the sky, bringing to an end a torrid day... *

* The wind begins to pick up and P.E & Kes have to shelter close together in the cave...well at least until Lintilla pushes in between them both... *

* Peaceful is glad things worked out so well, what's a little shipwreck? Her stamp collector was safe!!!! The child was safe, hope her parents never find out about this! Even some bloke was looking all right...

* Can people feel green? She did. But they'd better start exploring the cave.

*flutter of wings
GB looks down at Kes, Lintilla & Peaceful, huddled together in front of the fire. She sees some bloke....thinks about landing, and asking him about the Crab & Tweetie.
Begins to wonder if she will ever see them again.
Decides against landing.
*Flies on.....

Kiddo: How long has this been here!?
Where's Tweetie? I can't find her anywhere.

*now fully recovered from all shock she begins exploring, yet finding the cave to dark and scary she wanders in to the woods surrounding the shore. She takes sb with her for company, draging him along by his hand.*

*rush of wings
Did somebody mention Tweetie?
Have you seen her, Kiddo?
I have news for her....very important news!
I would also like to know where the Crab is, I miss him so!
*grasps Kiddo's shoulders and shakes him
Well? Answer me!