h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think that my Sith name will be ... Darth Corrigible! The most irritating Sith Lord you have ever had the extreme lack of pleasure to not be able to avoid meeting!

*Puts on infrared goggles, and stares through the one-way window*

Well, a few seem to be barely maintaining what sanity they had before entering. Physical pain in the form of running into walls. They're already beginning to sing.

*Pulls out a bag of popcorn*

Maybe I'll just have a little fun.

*Pushes some buttons, and watches everyone's reactions to the electric currents zooming across the floor. Turns it off, then turns on the sprinkler system. Turns that off. Tells the computer to gradually rise the temperature until it reaches 102 Farenheight, and then to go down until it reaches 39.6, then do it all over again. Watches with a huge grin on his face, until he sees Garius*

Oh boy.

*Turns off the lights in the outer room, opens the door, comes in, singing along with the lyrics (it not that bad a song when used outside of torture chambers), finds Garius and pulls him out. Closes and locks the door, then turns on the light in the outer chamber*

GL, you shouldn't go into the torture chambers. Maybe I'll award you a purple heart, or something.

*struck with sudden inspiration*
omykarma! that's it! i've got it!!!
*pulls a sharpie out of nowhere and starts writing poetry on the walls in the dark*

if we try, my fellow evil-doers
we will fish those rotten heroes
maybe some poison fish will make
those do-gooders look like zeroes

*stops writing suddenly*
oh, i've lost it...
*notices sprinklers*
hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*dances around in the "rain"*

OH FREDDLED GRUNTBUGGLY...

Nope not Oingo Boingo. It'sssssssssssss Um Ow ok that was unusal. As I was saying Uhhhh huh...Well it is on KROQ all the time. It's Depech Mode. Wow is it hot in here or is it me? The songs called Pppppppppeopppppppple arrrrrrrrrrrrrre ~teeth chattering~ Pppppeoppppple ~Door Opens~ AHhhh light hssssssssssss. It's not that bad of poetry.

*Wakes up suddenly*

Whoa, the temperature controls are on the fritz. *pulls out a thingamajig* Ahh, my trusty Thingamajig, this will keep me all cozy.
A token back to Brooklyn fell between the grate and we're just watching it sinking. / The fare went up to one hundred dollars and we can never go home again. / The bill collector's drinking lighter fluid and says he'll tell our parents. / Our feet start running at a furious pace, but we can't get away.


I dare you to tell me who that is.

Someone bad.

um... iceraven, do you live in so. cal? and why didn't i think of that?! makes perfect sense now... argh!!!
another question: would it be too terribly evil of me if i created an alter-ego for myself and didn't post an intro or journal entry so my alter-ego can't be fished and only have her come around when we really needed her??? just out of curiosity...
oh yeah, did i mention I'VE BEEN FISHED!!!!!!!!

(opens door and steps in)
greetings, i am evillene. i am very much invisible. you can only hear me... and i like it that way.
(closes door)
oh, now all of you are invisible as well. darn. well, i will get to freeing some people... who is fished? oh, i see... or should i say, oh i sea??? haha. i laugh at my funny joke.

*starts dancing around*
i'm finally unfished, i'm finally unfished...
hooray for evillene!!!!!!!

Welcome evil-invisi-one,

Yeah Sea I live in SoCal in the San Gabrial Valley. Gotta love KROQ. Its the only radio staion worth listing to.
Oh I have this very funny Boingo airtest thing on a file on my comp I"ll have to post it somewhere so you can here it.
oh and BTW I have been Ahem... FISHED!!!!

*The song ends (after playing for what seems like the millionth time) and Affy's voice comes over the speakers*

Okay, some of you only have around a day left. Others just entered. Anyway, when we started a few days ago, we had our "Wierld Al" request line open, and "Albuquerque" was played 700 times. Then, we had the sequal to that request line, with the exact same results. Then, we played "Albuquerque" a few times, just for the fun of it. Coming up in the next . . . however long you've got here, we'll be playing the "Albuquerque" marathon, but first, for those of you who really wanted it, while raving about the total lack of food, and wondering why you can't just "Eat It", here's our next song: "Albuquerque"!!!

*Speakers turn off and the first few moments of rock guitar are played, accompanied by the moans of a few less stable not-yet-mentioned extras. Affy grins*

I just love doing things like that. It makes life seem worth living.

Hey you evil little fishmonger. ~Gets up and starts marching over to the door~ I have something to sa..Ow umph ~triped over sea~ I've been in here for 3 days. I think maybe... Wait... I'm not sure since I havn't been able to see the sun since i got in here but I know its been a while. ~gets up and continues over to the door~ Now if your just gonn...umph ow oh that wasn't fun ~triped of the invisy one~ Thats becomeing a problem. Ok I'm not getting up again but, out of curiousty when are we getting outta here cuz ~twitches a little bit~ I know I'm fine but I'm worried bout the others. especialy since sea's got a sharp thingy over there... ~glances around with a slightly deranged look in his eye~ I don't know what your talking about I'm not crazy... I"M NOT!!!!!
lalalalalala
~twitches~

*The door swings open and GL steps in.*

Well, your time is up, sea, Ice, Grey, Darth. Congratulations, you made it! You are now full members of STUMPED. Here are your cards...

*Hands out laminated STUMPED membership cards.*

And here are your decoder rings.

*Hands out decoder rings.*

And if you'll step outside, where we can't be seen, I'll show you the secret handshake.

Hang in there, Evillene - just 2 more days to go.

Woo hooo
~Runs out of the room~ No more Wierd A..oh ow umph ~triped over evillene~ That's really becoming a problem. ~gets up and runs out of the room~ Ahhh ~winces in agony and hisses at the light~ Ow thats way to damn bright.

*hides eyes from light*
ooooooooooh that's the beginning of one heck of a migraine...
*pulls out orange sunglasses*
much better... poor evillene, though. is she in there all alone? not that there's anything i can do about it, i'm not going back in there... hey iceraven, sorry about always being where you were trying to walk... i live in so cal too. by the beach, actually. KROQ rules... hee hee you're afraid of my sharp thingy? i'm very careful with it, see?
*sharp thingy flies across room and becomes embedded in wall*
um, whoops!
*hears albequerque from the tor~ er, initiation chamber and shudders*
oh, the humanity! whoever thought that up, i applaud you...

And, as you've already seen...

[goes back in time a few days]

*Bows slightly*

Thanks for bearing with the initiation. But it is sad the Evilene is in there all alone. We'll need some more recruits. So this is . . . Sea, Ice, Grey, and Darth, right? Okay, as soon as I get a few spare seconds, I'll put all of your names up on the message board. Meanwhile, if anyone hasn't already done so, go to the STUMPED message board, and when Red comes back, he'll put up your ads.

Meanwhile, keep in mind that this membership card gives you an account with STUMPED that already has a base sum in it, and is worth 10% off all purchases made at CLI.

Sorry, I've been one a short, unannounced sabbatical with the 3rd and 4th of July here. (Chicago does it's fireworks on the third and then of course on the fourth is the barbecue) but it sure is good to get out of that room, and with this card I can really work on upgrades and evil engineering etc *evil grin*. Well I'm off to see what I can purchase on this!

*begins humming "Albequerque" and wanders off to find a computer shopping terminal*