h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

To become a full card-carrying member of S.T.U.M.P.E.D. you must survi ... um .... pass an initiation test. It is not as excruciatingly diabolical as the initiation that the founding members underwent (a twisted twister game), but it should be challenging enough to separate the truly evil from the merely naughty.

Here is what you must do:

Sit here in this pitch black room for three days. With no food, and with water only passed in once every few hours. No sound from the outside ever enters, so the only thing you can hear (drum roll, please) is the song "Albuquerque" by Weird Al, playing over and over and over and over and over!

Stay the full 3 days and you will be awarded with your Official STUMPED membership card, which gives you a 10% discount at Crater Labs, Inc. You will also be then allowed to proclaim your membership on your home page and you will get one of our nifty decoder rings.

So, neophytes, brace yourselves and sign in to begin.

allrighty then, bring it on!!!!!
oh yeah, what are the rules? can i bring a discman? can i bring some trail mix? can i have a flashlight? can the new recruits talk to each other? would anyone mind if i sang along?????

I'm afraid you can't bring anything in, but you can talk to each other.

*Punches a time card for sea*

Okay, 3 days and you're in!

*The door closes with a hollow metal clang. The room is plunged into darkness. Weird Al starts to sing.*

[The door opens again, and Y2K enters, knocking Garius Lupus over. He is dressed up as Darth Vader, but also with a black tie and the mask part flipped up, revealing his face. He slams the door, with himself and Garius Lupus inside]

Umm ... whoops?

~Metal swings open casting a light on the poor vic...initiates inside~
Well well well this should be interesting.
~closes metal door GL still trapped inside. Then takes his seat in a particularly pitch dark corner of the cell...er chamber.~ I'll outsmart you all I've been up for 87 hours straight without caffine so I'm really friggin tired hehehhehehuahuahuaHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH ~Then promptly rolls over and goes to sleep.~

Hmph.

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So, what's happening?

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I thought as much.

That was downright awful Y2K, I mean, I might be evil but some things are just beyond evil. Anyway this should be a walk in the park

*Opens door*
AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-----
*pauses for breath*
HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

That felt good! Now to relax in the dark...

Sorry.

But I intend to be just plain evil. [Y2K flips the mask down; he now looks exactly like Darth Vader, except that he is wearing a black tie. He now has a deeper, hollow-sounding voice] Because good ... is dumb.

hmm... i think i can stand this for 3 days straight... it's not like i can get any crazier!
*starts doing cartwheels in the back of the room and singing better music to herself*

*singing and doing cartwheels in the dark*
"and all i wanted was a simple thing, a simple kind of life... and all i needed was a simple man, so i could be a wife..."
*thump*
ouch!
*laughs*
i just did a cartwheel into a wall...
*collapses on floor, laughing hysterically*

~SEA's collison into the wall woke him up so he sits up~ Your gonna mess up my whole plan here missy. Now come here I'll teach you to wake me up. ~walks over to the side of the room he heard the sound from~ Where oh where...~THUD~ oh! Ow... ~triped over the laughing SEA~ You know this initaiation is become more evil by the min not only do we have to listing to Wierd Al, Now we're gonna have to suffer constant laguhter broken only by spaced No Doubt lyrics. Truly a twisted and fearfull rite. ~begins humming a random verse of "Insanity" By Oingo Boingo~

"Christian sons, christian daughters
Lead me along like a lamb to the slaughter
Purify my brain and hose down my soul
White perfection, perfection is my goal"

"Do you think you're better than me
Do you want to kill me or befriend me"

"Christian nation, make us alright
Put us through the filter and make us pure and white
My mind has wandered from the flock you see
And the flock has wandered away from me
Let's talk of family falues while we sit and watch the slaughter
Hypothetical abortions on imaginary daughters
The white folks think they're on the top ask any proud white male
A million years of evolution, we get Danny Quayle"

Anyone for a game of in-the-dark ultimate frisbee?

*Pulls a frisbee out of a pocket which seems much to small to contain a frisbee*

Here it comes! Oh bugger, Where'd it go. Well that ends that game. Nothing left to do but sleep I guess.

*Lays down on the cold metal floor*

Ahh, comfortable. Just like in the mercenary group. Goodnight.

*zzZZZZZzzzzzz.....*
*zzZZZZZzzzzzz.....*

*Shouts out in his sleep* Quickly people as soon as you see this go fish possum at this link all he needs is two more fishes and then every hero is frozen http://www.h2g2.com/F35023?thread=58748 I think this is the real one the other forum just seems to be ignored by the superheroes. and he's triple fished and on his way to a quadruple there anyway *returns to snoring*

*laughs even harder after iceraven trips over her*
i... can't... breathe!!! can't... stop.... l a u g h i n g...
*dissolves into another fit of laughter*
please... no more!!!!
*wipes tears from her eyes*
my... stomach... hurts...
*laughs so hard she passes out from oxygen deprivation*

(Note: sea was very impressed that iceraven recognized the song, well, before she passed out, that is! )

WAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

quick! everyone go here http://www.h2g2.com/F47282?thread=62037&post=456556 and fish! it's a new superhero and she's running around screwing up all our hard work!

*regains consciousness and starts to sing and do cartwheels again*
"A decade ago I never thought I would be 23 on the verge of spontaneous combustion, woe is me, but I guess that it comes with the territory, an ominous landscape of never ending calamity, I need you to hear, I need you to see…"
*stops for a moment*
oh no! the heroes are getting loose!!!
*shrugs then starts up again*
"So pardon me while I burst into flames, I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games… so pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flames, pardon me, pardon me, I'll never be the same…"
*stops again and looks around*
hey, guys, can I get a little help fighting these darn heroes??? I'm running out of witty comebacks and banter… oh, sucks to them all, I give up.
*goes back to singing, this time a different song*
"I'm slim shady yes I'm the real shady all you other slim shadys are just imitating so won't the real slim shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up…"
"yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose, but no worse than what's going on in your parents bedroom… " "I'm sick of all you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you…"
*thud*
uh oh… there's that wall again!!!
*maniacal laughter*

ohh I like Incubus "Pardon Me" is a cool song too. Well I'm on my way to further fish the heros. Eminem's cool but he's not one of my fav's your turn SEA guess this one.

"People are People so why should it be
you and I should get along so horribly"

its kinda a small quote but if you know the band you should be able to get it. Now off to fish some hero's

[Another Y2K beams in from three days in the future and exits]

ooh... is it oingo boingo? i can hear the song in my head, but i can't quite place the band...
darn, and they play taht song on KROQ all the time...