h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, if even a single applicant wants in, sign here. Until then, I'll just sing "Taco Grande", by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

~Enters, practicing evil laugh~
Mwa-ha hah-ha!
no, no...
Bwa ha ha ha ha!

BWA Ha Hah ha ha!!!

That's it! Alright, where do I sign in? My qualifications? Well, my name certainly impies evil, doesn't it? "The Mask of the Red Rejection eMail". I think it does. It has a Poe-esque quality. I'm also quite psychotic! No, honestly! Listen, there's a Blues Traveler lyric about a guy named Psycho Joe who "worshiped Satan and liked Iron Maiden". Well, I don't worship Satan, but I do have Iron Maiden lyrics on my user page, so I think I qualify as at least half-psychotic.

Next, there's the matter of my secret identity. No one knows who I really am. Oh, some are trying to guess but they don't really _know_, they're just guessing. I also go around immitating other researchers, just to throw red herrings about. That's kind of Evil, isn't it?

By the way, maybe a good name would be the "Syndycate To Unite Many Particularly Evil Droogs"?

/Red

Ok, ok. I'll join. My qualifications? Well, I have been tagging along with Affy in everything else ...

Also, I'm good with words. For example:
Sinister
Thinkers
Unleashing
Multifarious
Pernicious
Egregious
Deeds.

I think that Egregious is too long and difficult to pronounce. That and, though I've used it before, I'm not quite sure what it means. Any way I could convince you to use "Evil" instead?

So, does this mean that we are, in fact, full fledged members of STUMPED? Or do we have to go through some evil initiation rite?

There is an initiation rite, but only because I'm bored and have nothing better to do right now.


*Begins singing "Fat" by "Weird Al" and setting up a large device*

BTW, Red, I want to say one thing: you cover tracks well, and I don't know who you are. But I have three highly educated guesses after doing a mind boggling about of time on H2G2's 'dead' forums.

But, as you said before, I don't really know. I'm just going to post my guesses right before the unmasking.

*All this was said while singing 'Fat' at the same time. Now, Affy sings "The Rye Or The Kaiser" by "Weird Al"*

~Red thinks that someone must have bought the Green Jester Weird Al's "Food" album for a present recently~

~Sings~
Spam in the place where I live
Ham and Pork

/Red

Green Jester,
I have just set up a page for a STUMPED notice board at http://www.h2g2.com/A329014 . I'd like you to take a look. If you like it, I'll keep it up. If you like the idea, but would rather manage it yourself (it is your club), feel free to steal freely. If you think that the idea is just plain stupid, I'll take it down all together.

Yours,
The Rouge Rogue

I love it, Red! One page for initiation, one for the actual dirty work! It reminds me of the questing notice board in Damogran, and . . .

*Gets a nasty glint in his eyes*

Oh, good idea. Very, very good idea!

But we don't have enough henchmen yet. No, for my idea we would even have to face more than the DUOS squad! We aren't quite ready for that yet.

*Keeps working on the rather complicated mechanism*

When Green gets that glint in his eye, his enemies better watch out. I'm just glad that I don't think I'm one of them. Of course they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. They also say "don't eat the yellow snow". But that doesn't quite seem to make any sense in this context, so I won't mention it.

Glad you like the page. I'll be awaiting your horrible, evil, awful idea shortly.

¿The Rouge Rogue?

*hollow voice*

I'd like to join. You can't say I'm not evil enough!

*hollow voice*

On second thought, you can say that. And perhaps that's just what you are thinking because I have not been replied. So let me tell you about myself as much as I can - the masked ball is not over yet so I must be careful.

I have not existed for long, but all that time I have been evil. The reason you might not know it is because I am trying to act nicely in the ball as my master ordered. And before you tell me I am not evil enough if I am obeying someone else - that is exactly why I want to join. I wish to get rid of my "master" for good. If you need more proof, let me remind you about the incident with Herrison at the ball.
Hope you will find me qualified to join.

P.i.B (for now)

I'm sure you're in. I haven't seen the Green Jester around in a while.

*Ding! You've got mail! It's from Davius. It says: What's so evil about Weird Al? I like Weird Al! If you're doing requests, sing "Frank's 2000 Inch TV" next. "Eat It" would be good too. *

*Ding! You've got mail! It's from Davius. It says: Am I following you guys around too much? Feel free to tell me to stop. (Doesn't necessarily mean that I will, but you've got a good chance...)*

Okay, just to set the record straight, nothing is actually 'evil' about "Weird Al". I mean, just because someone isn't evil doesn't make them a bad person.

*Thinks over that last line, wondering about his sanity*

Okay, PIB, you're in. Once again, I haven't quite updated the main page, nor have I finished the initiation device.

*Continues working while singing "Frank's 2000 Inch TV"*

*hollow voice*

Thank you. I will prove myself worthy.

Robert de Niro's mole has gotta be ten feet wide


I think that you meant to say that not being evil doesn't necissarily make him a good person. Or that the absence of evil in Weird Al's music doesn't exclude those of us who are evil from being his fans. Dare to be stupid! That's what I say.

/Red

Ha! I have managed to join the newly-formed league of Superheros (who are still trying to agree on their acronym). Since Affy is the founding member, S.T.U.M.P.E.D. should have no trouble defeating them. Bwahahahaha.

Yes, STUMPED will vanquish the unwitting 'heroes'! Whatever their acronym may turn out to be!