h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Link punches Y2K out]

[Mew finds an order form that says, "Free Treaties for $12.99" and puts the DM's signature on it backwards]

Mew!

~Just then, an "Asteroid of Logic" falls from the sky, landing on Link. When the dust and smoke have cleared, this plaque can be read on the Asteroid:

If one part of a single entity's personality has been knocked-out, the remaining parts of that entity must, likewise, lose consiousness(sp?), including those parts which are creations of the imagination of that entity.

~Meanwhile, Red cuts a final wire, and Lenore speaks through his comm unit:


Transmogrifier disabled, commander.


Thank you, Lenore. Now, Montressor, get in that shaft.

~Montressor leaps into the service shaft, clings to the ladder, and waits -- in stealth mode!~

Lenore, beam the rest of the team up!


Yes, Commander


~The Crew of the Raven, including the unconsious clones, are beamed back aboard the ship, which I had neglected to mention took off right after the sabotuers got off of it. The Asteroid of Logic, being no longer necissary, vanishes, and Link wakes up~

[The Raven's equivalent of the hall outside sickbay: the clones walk out and head toward the engine room]

[Y3K] Whew!

[Y4K] You said it!

[Y2K] I'll get Link for this!

[Y3K] Oh, we know THAT.

[Y4K] I just hope we can disarm the bomb before it goes off.

[Y2K] What bomb?

[They enter the engine room; there is an armed Mega Scuttler from SST in one corner]

[Y3K] THE bomb. The Mega Scuttler. Right over there.

[Y4K] Y3K and I accidentally armed it while you and Link were fighting. Sorry, I thought you'd known.

[Y2K] Something tells me we won't be worrying about Good Guys, or anything else, in a few minutes.

[Bomb] Sixteen minutes, forty seconds, to be precise, because now you've distracted me. Recommencing countdown. 1000 ... 999 ... 998 ...

[YC wakes up]

I'd go ahead and disarm the bomb, but Nobody Likes A Smartass.

*The Dungeon Master nods resignedly.*

I had hoped for a more creative solution, but you have breached the wall nevertheless. I will sign the treaty.

*The Dungeon Master signs the treaty. He then turns a desk drawer handle sideways and pulls the drawer half-way out. He gives the handle another quarter turn and pulls the drawer out to the 3/4 mark. A panel in the wall to his left opens and a new line appears on the map over his desk.*

Here is a shortcut back to near where your ship is waiting. You will have to get past a few obstacles , but it is much shorter. Go in peace.

*GL thanks the DM and starts down the new passageway. Once everyone is inside, including the yaks, the door closes behind them with a thud, then a click. The group walks along the upward sloping passage until they emerge into a large cavern. The rough rock walls flicker in the light of a large fire against the wall at the far end of the room. There appears to be no exits from the room except the passage that the group came out of. On closer inspection, it is found that the fire blocks the only other exit.*

Well, gang. Here's our first obstacle. Why don't we discuss solutions without anyone actually solving it in one post. Suggestions?

[YK] I'll go get some of the melted ice.

[YK exits and almost immediately returns]

[YK] Anyone got a bucket?

[chorus of "No"s]

[...and one] Mew.

[YK] Okay. Anyone else have any ideas?

~On the surface, Asteroids of Logic enter the Zork atmosphere with more and more alarming frequency. This may be a problem when they actually get out of the maze~

An Asteroid of Logic might be helpful around now.


Good idea about the ice, but I think the doorway back to the DM's office is locked. I'm sure I heard a click after the door shut.

*Eyes a Yak.*

Perhaps we could have a bar-be-que while we wait for inspiration....

[does the yak look frightened to anyone else?]

[YK] We could find a way to draw oxygen away from it. It would "suffocate" the fire!

[YC holds up a collage of pictures of various Jedi]

[Mew Transforms into a Gyarados, which uses Hydro Pump. In addition to getting everyone wet, this has the effect of completely failing to douse the fire. Mew Transforms back into a Mew]

Mew.

[YK ignores the fact that he is wet]

[YK] YC, why are you holding up that collage?

[YC] Use the Force to draw oxygen away!!

YK, if you need a bucket, why not use the fire bucket over there? All you need is somewhere to empty out the sand, first...

(Sorry for lack of participation, guys, I managed to set fire to my PC IRL... )

We have already established that the dungeon has excellent safety facilities, using a nearby fire bucket to milk a yak, and a handy fire axe to shatter the dragon-door... I wouldn't be at all surprised if there was a fire hose behind that red metal flap over there...

[YK] No thanks, I don't need it anymore.

[YK uses the Force. The fire goes out, and is immediately replaced by a stone door]

[YK] Oops, hahaha. [takes out his lightsaber] Stand back everyone, this is likely to send some dust flying!

[YK arms his lightsaber and thrusts it into the stone door. The blade goes out]

[YK] What the ... ? I coulda sword I'd locked it on. Lemmy try again.

[Re-use the shot of YK arming his lightsaber, thrusting it into the door, and the blade going out]

[YK] I get it. This stone's cortosis ore! It shuts down lightsabers but isn't structurally strong at all.

[YC shoots the door, which collapses]

*Is phased in in the form of Trilly, a 16yr old with a little red cloud hovering over his left shoulder*

Erm... I have a feeling that this isn't Kansas...

I have a feeling this isn't a lot of other places either...

I have a feeling that the backlog on this is waaaay to long...

Can I help?

...only to be replaced with a fan-like structure consisting of two double-ended lightsabers spinning in opposite directions (one red, one blue) looking like the propellors on the nose of a plane which didn't quite make it into the final cut of "Barbarella". The chances of anyone getting through the gap between the spinning blades seems slim, as none of the adventurers seems particularly slim...

[What? Does *nobody* else get to set obstacles?]