h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry, I didn't look before writinG

*beGGinG* It's all my fault

>PS: Ich arbeite noch an der Bude<

AXR

Schön! See, I'm advertising it...

HEy Alien.... did you know that The Cheshire Grin had it's own band now... and they are wanting more members...

No I didn't... Haven't been there for a while... Must visit...

I put the band to the announcements...

Hi guys - I'm new around here and I was wondering if there are any jobs left? I could be safety officer - and I promise, I won't eat all Greebo's doughnuts like Homer Simpson (well, maybe just the occasional one).

We have MANY of jobs left... And I have nothing agaist you being the safety officer, except that we already have the chief of security... But whoever you please to be...?

I think there is a slight misunderstanding here. LL, I think would like to be in charge of ensuring that all SC operations are conducted in the safest possible way (ie Making sure that no dangling wires are hanging from ceilings and that Irving (for the sake of example) uses something more substantial than Duct Tape to fix the Rental Fleet) whereas Big Dan's function is to go round shooting terrorists and assorted wrongdoers (after they've been tried by the judge, of course! )

Well I thought she might mean that but I wasn't sure...
(*mumble* safety and security - who's supposed to know the difference... )
Thanks for correction, Doc!!

Lindy, welcome to the staff!!
*hands over safety officer's badge*

Cool badge, huh!
*shines it up proudly, and sticks it on"
Ouch - that hurt!
First job for the day - make sure all nice shiny badges have blunt dooziwhatsits so that no-one inadverdantly pierces their left nipple trying to get the damn thing on.
*makes copious scribbles and tries to look efficient*
Think I'll go put my feet up and have a little sleepy bo-bo's.
Wake me if any alarms or stuff go off, or if any noxious green gas starts to permeate the place won't you.

"EVA is also Electronic Video Agent, the installer for C&C: Red Alert!" says a tall, thin person with a zoom lens for a left eye and cybernetic implants covering a fair proportion of his body. "You don't need a computer psychiatrist, do you?"

Computer Psychiatrist?? We don't have one yet, so - welcome!!
That zoom lens seems useful... Where did you get it?

*A man rudely somersaults into the room*
Hello, my name is Special Agent Blue Nine, aka Grievous Angel.

*Big, Crashing, Bombastic Hollywood Action Movie Chords*
Could I apply for the post of Deputy Security Officer? I can provide my own Big Gun.
*Unrolls an oily towel to reveal an S&W Tactical .406 (a bigass gun, in layman's terms*

*Walks into Emplyment Agency and posts a message on a post board*

WANTED: A crew to work on a mission going towards another planet, and back.
MISSION OBJECTIVE: Protect the Crater Labs, Inc. spaceship (recently shown on the H2G2 Parade) from all possible dangers in space as it makes its way to the Zork universe to retrieve the Peace Treaty between Zork and H2G2. Spaceships can be provided, but if you have your own, that will work as well. All interested in applying, go to the "Hangar 42" message in this forum.

Chrome101:
You're in!! Please report to Big Evil Dan, the Chief of Security - he seems to be right there... *points him*

*leans conspriatorily close to Big Evil Dan, whispers*
I'm not really Grievous Angel. that's an alias i used while on the run from the Galactic Prison Service. My real name is Chrome101 *points to top of message*

So, you're the boss, huh?
*twirls gun on finger, accidentally drops it and blows a hole in the bulkhead*

Oops!

You should really keep the safety on. I don't want too much damage to the station. Now before you are hired, I need to do an exhausitve background check on you. Here goes: Are you evil?

A few questions...

Is a Sanitation Officer in charge of keeping people's sanity...?
Why are floats called floats when clearly, they roll...?
Why am I here, where is the soap?

It seems like most of the useful jobs are gone...

I would like to apply as Useless Officer, in charge of all that has no plausible use, or whose normal use has been outdone by a more recent model or invention...

For example, who's going to keep all the Sinclair C5s, huh? Aha, see, I got you there...

Also, it would be nice to have a Useless Office... but I don't mean to pressure you, I'm no use at these things...

I love what you've done with the space station, the bulkheads are especially nice. Except that one with the hole in it...

Yours Uselessly
Trilly

I thought I was the useless officer, by accomplisment if not by title.

Trilly:
Firstly, I don't know if the Sanitation Officer also takes care of people's sanity... Secondly, OUR float floats!! Thirdly, you have to ask the Sanitation Officer for the soap... And it's OK you being the Useless Officer if you so wish - you're free to found a Useless Office where ever you prefer...