h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*comes downstairs and finds door into office standing open*

Hello?
*Mindspring has evidently had another doughnut and skipped off down the stairs*

I'm going to have to buy a baby gate.
Miiiinnnnndspring!

*odd rustling sound from somewhere beyond the office*
Where are the lightswitches? Ah.

*Jumps up from the cot he was sleeping on, snowzar in hand*

Wha... who....wher...mbfebfmmm.

Oh, it's you, Lil. Scared the snowballs out of me - I thought you were one of those renegade robots. Affy said he got them all, but you never know.

Say, what's this lump under my covers?

I wouldn't care to speculate ... but it would be nice if it were Springie. She gets intensely energised by those Moebius doughnuts and was tap dancing and running and jumping half the afternoon, yesterday. This morning I thought she was going to rest up cos she was stiff, but she must have found leftovers and scarfed them. I'll get a baby gate for the doorway to my rooms today.

It looks pretty organized and neat down here, actually, considering the kinds of things that have been happening.

*Looks under covers. Finds Mindspring.*

Ok, Springie, come on out of there. There's point in hiding any longer.

*Picks up Springie and hands her to Lil*

Yes, it is pretty tidy. It's normally this way, actually, because we can get the most work done in an organized environment. It does get a little chaotic when we are in the midst of something, but we usually clean up regularly. You should have seen it two days ago, after the rampant robots had been loose in here all that time. It was a major effort to get it back in order.

*Mindspring jumps out of Lil's arms and disappears out into the main lab.*

Oh, well. Guess were not done playing hide and seek yet.

You wouldn't think she could move that fast, with those great curved claws. I've got accustomed to carrying her around like a throw rug, but maybe some kind of collar will be in order now.

We could possibly tempt her out with donuts, and then I could shut her in the gallery to work it off. She seems to enjoy practising her dance steps.

I suppose it has to stay pretty organised, cos this equipment is powerful stuff. Oh, have y'all found Ampton?

*Wanders in*

Yes, as a matter of fact. Ampton is recovering well from the . . . incident. He's acting like he used to before he went malicious. I don't know if I should be worried or not.

In any evet, I don't want Mindspring to get lost. This place can be a maze. Seriously, I designed it so that you wouldn't be able to find your way around here without a map or guide or something. Of course, once you know it well enough . . .

*Begins to regret making some sections have moveable walls*

Let's just hope that Mindspring doesn't find my latest . . . machine.

She's such a good-natured thing, even when she's carbo-loaded. She wouldn't cause any damage, but ... oh Affi, do you have wormholes in there?

Actually, yes. I keep them all turned off when not in use, of course. But my latest machine . . .

*Glances down a corridor*

Let's just say that if what I think it'll make happen happens (and with this laboratory, you never know), we don't want it to be turned on prematurely.

*Wanders over to PA system*

All robots, keep a lookout for Mindspring, Lil's sloth. Do not use any unnecessary force.

*Turns off PA system*

Okay, I've alerted all three of my sentient guard robots. The three of us, plus the three of them, let's see . . . I think that should make . . . six? Yeah, six. Still not enough to find her quickly, but I'm convinced that as long as Mindspring stays away from my latest invention . . .

*hears plaintive meeping just outside almost immediately followed by a muffled crumping sound*
*As Mindspring shuffles in, Lil scoops her up*
Uh, Affi, let me just take her upstairs and activate the baby gate.

*Tries not to panic -- runs back upstairs*

*Glances at Affy, with a "I hope what I think just happened, didn't just happen" look *

*pops Springie behind baby gate and comes back to landing*
Everything OK down there?

Unless Mindspring activated my latest invention.

*Glances down a corridor*

Not a very good thing, if that's what happened. Lil, do you remember when you suggested having safaris to the dimensions where all of these monsters come from? Well, let's say that I've found a way to do something along those lines. It just isn't working yet.

*grips bannister, white-knuckled*
Involuntary safaris? Is the problem with going to the animals...or with the animals coming to us?
*Mindspring hooks a claw through the baby gate mesh and pulls experimentally*

Imagine a one way portal to somewhere. I found it out when a strange plasma being fell out, but it couldn't go back in. Because I had the element of surprised, I managed to transmogrify it into something relatively harmless . . .

*Motions to an archway, over which is written the words "Poisonous Amphibians"*

Can't really call that a safari, can you? More like emigration. What, um, if you don't mind my asking, what do you call relatively harmless?

*Mindspring's muscles bulge as she slowly brings all her strength to bear on the baby gate's mesh, which stretches slightly but does not break*
*Mindspring meeps resignedly and crawls off to the hearthrug*

And can you control the direction of one-way-ness?

*Runs in with a big roll of duct tape and hands it to Affy*

Here you go. I hope it works.

Is this where I place an order?

Well, as this is the active forum, this is where I'll place my order:

What I need is a small device (it should be easily carried upon a belt) roughly square shaped, not as deep as it is tall and wide, that when hooked appropriately to a spacecraft's console will transfer control of that craft to Lanore, the onboard computer for the Raven, my spaceship. I need two of those.

I also need a time traveling device. I need this because I already used the devices I have described above before realizing I need to have them made. For the sake of continuity I need a time travel device that would allow me to use these devices before they've been made.

If there's a question of payment, you can charge it to my S.T.U.M.P.E.D. account. I'm a member in good and rotten standing.

/Red

*takes secretarial duties and speaks from top of stairs*
Red, As you probably noticed, Affi and Garius are, er, involved in tidying up a situation just now. IRL, Garius won't be in again till Thursday, and Afgncaap5 tends to turn up as needed.

If you'd like some punch and a donut... and we have a selection of Popular Science magazines from the 1940's you could look over. Make yourself comfortable, and Affi or Garius will be right with you...

But if you hear a loud roaring noise, why not popon up the stairs ... as fast as you can ... and join us in the salon. You may not have realised it, but my Atelier & Gallery are upstairs from the Lab.

Yes, I was aware. I'm actually in your Atelier right now, discussing wars and requesting a painting. Thanks for noticing me here, though. If they can do the time travel thing then I'm sure there's no rush.

/Red