h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm intregued.

Affi has gone and disappeared for another week, but on the other side of that perhaps an expedition is in order.

Hm... I don't know if I have an expidition outfit. If we're checking out monkeys, I guess I'd need safari gear. The question is how to be utilitarian, and keep with my themed wardrobe. The cape is definately out...

~walks off, contemplating a new suit and says over his shoulder~

I'll be back.

Well, I'm not sure. I guess the new remote polarity switch worked, or else the monkey couldn't come back. But it seems to have ... er ... changed during the trip. I mean, it couldn't talk before it went in, could it?


The monkey gained in intellegence and acquired speach .... I wonder what a human would gain ... or lose


Well, I'm up for it, but I think Affy would be disappointed if he couldn't come too.

~Red Re-enters, wearing a black suit, suitably dapper and rugged for the occasion. It is made of hemp. This time his blood red mask is a single strip of cloth that covers his eyes and most of his nose. His dark, shoulder lenght hair, in a ponytail, hangs down. On his rapier is replaced by an impressive Machete, with a ruby on the hilt, which is strapped to his back. On his hip is a six-shooter. His trademark skull is emblazoned in scarlet over his left breast.~

I am ready for an expidition into Monkey territory!

/Red

I don't want to go without Affi! We need his lousy impulse control.

I'm here for today, so I might be able to start the trip. Don't wanna keep anyone else waiting. Besides, there's more than one galaxy out there, right?

Let me see here... what should I wear?

*Goes to the Armaments sector. Comes back in fifteen minutes*

Okay, I've got several weapons here. We don't know what kind of territory we'll be seeing, so let's decide what would be the best stuff. For a jungle or savanah, I think Red's got the right idea. Any other ideas?

*Comes back in from checking on the 500 typing monkeys.*

Well, somebody got Shakespear out of 1000 monkeys, we got Hitchhikeres Guide out of 997 monkeys. What do you think we got out of 500?

Anyone want to read a Harlequin Romance?

*Thinks about suitable attire. Runs out to his quarters and returns wearing his grey suit, with the vest and gold watch, and carrying his ebony cane with the wolf's head handle.*

How's this? If we have to do any negotiations with other life forms, I want to look my best.

*Lifts cane, presses wolf's nose, and a razor-sharp blade flicks out of the end of the can.*

Of course, it wouldn't do to go unarmed.

*returns from private quarters wearing quaint medieval style tunic in a felted kevlar, with loose trousers and well-worn knee boots*

I still have the snowzar and it's fully-charged. Mindspring doesn't want to come. But Ferrari does. Can he? And what other weapons might I need?

I once got the Arizona Republic (Phoenix's Local Newspaper) out of one mentally challenged monkey with a blue crayon.

Well, now I know what to expect when our monkey supply dwindles down that far.

As for weapons, Lil, you might be interested in CLI's latest invention. I think I have a derringer-sized one around here somewhere.

*Roots around in a filing cabinet and comes out with a small gun that has a small titanium speaker at the end of the muzzle. Roots around some more and comes out with a mini-tape that pops into the bottom of the handle.*

It's a polka gun. And the tape has 3 polka medleys by Weird Al Yankovick. Firing this at someone causes them to polka uncontrollably. Inanimate objects just jiggle around. This setting on the side is for the length of time the effect will last. You can set it for anything from 30 seconds to infinity - same as on your snowzar. This little model is so small, you should be able to conceal it from all but the most thorough search, but it's range is somewhat limited - it should be fine if you fire from within about 10 feet of the target, but beyond that, you take your chances.

*Unscrews the wolf's head from the cane and pours in some brandy into the cane. Replaces the wolf's head.*

For medicinal purposes, you know.

*examines the music derringer with great interest*
I can see where a larger model might be able to take different sorts of music. It would please me greatly to fire Debussy at a passing boomboxmobile, or maybe a bit of drive-by Bert Kaempfert... *her eyes gleam*

Can Ferrari come with us? He's just as eager as I am to get on with a new thread.

I think in any expidition that invloves you, Lil, Ferrari is almost a must! You get so little time with him these days, what with Irving draging him around Damogran, Phil taking him to parties, and Mike riding him all through the woods. I'm stuck in an upper class British Snob accent today because I've been rehearsing an Oscar Wilde play, so if my language is more pretentious -- though just as poorly spelled -- than usual, you really must forgive me.

Eating again, I see.
Have you ever seen or read Travesties by Tom Stoppard?

I haven't. BTW, I'm back. And it sounds like those accursed moniters have stopped playing my theme music. BTW, glad you like the polka gun. It's from an idea I had when a car was next to mine while waiting at a red light. I understand people who appreciate music, but the bass was just too loud. So I had to create a device that would rotate at any offending car, and blast it with polka. I like the new version better, though.

Is Ferarri reay? Is everyone here?

Ferrari's ready and has agreed to be a pack horse rather than riding animal unless I get blisters. So I have a number of little things tucked away in saddle bags in case various needs arise, and he can do portage if we need to get something heavy a short distance. I screwed studs into his shoes so he'll have draught horse traction.

And I'm ready.

I'm ready. And I have my OmeGauntlet fully charged.

One thing: can we have a sort of declaration of intent here? I know we're going to explore a portal, but is there any other backstory informing this expedition that I ought to know? I haven't been involved in the Space Centre goings-on, yknow...

Um,...not that I can think of. I think we're just going to jump through, and end up in whatever kind of environment we care to envision. I think all of the obscure backstory for anything that's been happening here lately has been discussed at your Studio. I think.

*Adjusts a few settings on his gold pocket watch, with intense concentration *

*grins *

This watch has a few more functions than your average gold pocket watch. There, now I am ready too.