h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Doctor whom?

Oh, is that fellow with the big blue booth and the odd theme music? l only ever saw one episode, and it had something to do with large frightening alien slime egg life forms, and it scared me so l decided to stick to Red Dwarf instead...

*contemplates another piercing, to offset this apparent resemblance*

Hmm. l don't want to actually have my -tongue- done...maybe another in the left ear? There might be some space...
Or maybe a tattoo...

Thanks for the introductions, Lil.

I look forward to the trip and promise to apply my professorial skills.
Although it's actually Illinois State University, not University of Kansas, but that's OK... all us midwesterners look alike

Normal, that's right. Dang. Well, if this site had been performing normally I could have nipped over to your page and extracted the precise name of your job, because I know I elided that too. But for me at 56K, I couldn't do that and be sure I would ever get back here within 90 minutes.

*Ferrari leans close to Lil's ear*

Odra, Ferrari thinks a tattoo is better than a piercing, because you might set of alien detection systems if you carry too much metal.

Too true! The only thing we know for certain about the dimensional rift is that it leads to something/somewhere/someone that can make an ordinary monkey have at least the intelligence (and sarcasm) of a human. I think we're safe in jungle gear, seeing as the monkey seemed alright.

Lil, the Celery's running mate could be . . . oh, that web jello stuff! Once GL finishes the loyalty programming, the jello would be perfect! Of course, the jello would need a spokesperson(s). Perhaps all of us could speak for them? Red, Redbeard, Lil, Odradek, GL, me, Ampton . . . okay, not Ampton. But the rest of us would have a better time understanding them than the rest of the people on H2G2. Then again, I don't trust the celery with that much power. But it might be fun to see a picture of the celery.

Nice to see you Affi.. Would this serve as a picture of the celery?
http://www.h2g2.com/A383267

Hmmm... intelligent and sarcastic monkeys. I think it might be wise for us to bring earplugs, just in case. Might be the only protection from biting sarcasm.

Don't want to be presumptuous, but I had some time to play around today. I've added more toward a campaign page for Celery and Jello
http://www.h2g2.com/A383267 including a statement which could serve as a 'hook' for the candidacy.

If you all would like to go ahead with this, I'd be happy to maintain the pages, or turn it over to someone else. We probably should move quickly to at least officially announce the candidacy (does anyone know where we do that and when the cutoff is?)

We'll need bios on both candidates, which I could use help with, since I don't think I know them as well as you do. I think we can be somewhat upfront about Jello's past, as it will come out -- we might even leak a little bit about it for some extra publicity. Position statements would be useful, as well as endorsements and statements of support. We'll probably want a separate 'private' page or thread (not on the campaign page) for the campaign staff to discuss strategies, so we don't give it away to the opposition.

What do you think?

*Takes Mr. Celery from the soap box he was standing on*

See what you've started, Celery? No turning back now, I guess. What are you going to base your platform on?

*Listens to Celery*

He says that he is in favor of stronger rights for H2G2 creations (ie Ampton, Mindspring, himself, probably the entire cast of the Gam Room Storytellers, Ook, etc.), he wants to put stricter regulations on temperature, and . . . WHAT?? YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THAT!!! Well, maybe you could if you were elected. He wants me to take down most of the PA speakers I've installed around H2G2. I suppose it'll be good not to have background music wherever I go, but I put so much effort into installing them . . . oh, alright. But not in the space station, Gam Room, CLI, Detective Agency, and any other place I feel needs the music! Those are his comments for now. BTW, I'll go look into this election stuff (where you sign in, etc.). You know, I thought this would just be a week of packing and waiting for Red to get back. Guess not.

Since this thread is so long, I took the liberty of starting a separate thread called the Celery Project here but as I was posting the site froze and I had to bail out. I had no idea the thread "took" but I see it on the left. I thought it would be good compartmentalisation to develop our campaign somewhere other than this extremely long thread...

Good thinking, Lil. Let's go there, and leave this forum to the upcoming Safari!

*Puts the finishing touches on the hypoviscid inverter. Unlocks the fridge and removes the evil webjello. Plugs in the hypoviscid inverter and connects the leads to the jello. Scans the pictures of Affy and GL into the primary loyalty circuits.*

There, all ready. In a few moments the jello's loyalty characteristics should change from 'loyalty to self' to 'loyalty to scanned entities'.

*Quickly goes through mental checklist to ensure everything is connected properly. Dismisses doubts about oscillatory instabilities. Takes deep breath and ..... flips the switch.*

BzzzzZZZZzzzzzzZZZzzzzfffffftttttt.

*The jello jiggles and wobbles and briefly glows from within. A few pregnant moments pass while everyone looks expectantly at the jello. The jello gives one last shudder, blinks and says:*

Good morning. Is there something I can do for you?

*Cheers ring through the lab*

Great job, Garius!

Thanks, and welcome to the safari crew. We're not really sure where we are going, but I am sure it will be interesting

*walks round the hypoviscid inverter equipment, peering at it interestedly*

That was absolutely splendid, l must say...

*continues peering*

You know, l have a really recalcitrant jar of marmalade...never wants to let me open the lid, very standoffish. l wonder....does this work on all forms of viscous entities?

Sure. Any sentient one, that is. We sent away for the plans after seeing an ad in the back of a comic book we found in the UFO. We're still waiting for our "Sea of Tranquility Monkeys" to come.

Look who wants to come along! *hoists Styx onto Ferrari's back*

He does have the recalcitrance of a young teenager, I admit, but he has made friends with Ampton -- some temperamental qualities in common, I guess -- and he would be really handy for inspecting small places. Actually, I want to put him on the Celery-Webjello staff to do Covert Ops. A black plague rat with glowing red eyes that stands a foot high at the shoulder can hold his own on a safari, I reckon.

Odradek, Redbeard, this is Styx, my nephew's Swedish death metal rat. Don't worry, that's a flea collar he's wearing, with the studs, and he's had his rabies shots. But you can't really call him a gladhand fellow. He's sociable but not friendly, if you know what I mean.

Nice to meet you Styx!
I don't think I'll shake hands, but it'll be good to have you along on the safari. Something about those glowing red eyes is quite startling in a very cool way.

I think Covert Ops is a good position for Styx. For the other h2g2 creations on staff I've indicated "residing at..." Should I do so with Styx, or just use something like "current location classified"?

"Current location not disclosed" would be nice. His whereabouts can't be classified until the Celery has the authority to make it so. Isn't it nice to be able to move freely around again? I've just added campaign buttons to my user page and the Atelier. Now we need a way to communicate offline in respect of the campaign, now that DD has so rudely walked into the middle of our office. I have MSN Instant Messenger, which would very convenient for real-time coordination of electoral activities.

I have aol IM. Does that work with yours? I found you on it, but it says you're not on now. (Obviously I haven't used IM very much )

*nods curtly to Styx, who regards her evenly, noting with approval the dog-chain collar and spiked bracelet*