h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A few days ago I had friends round who were quite the opposite on the political spectrum.

What to do?

Refuse to be friends with people who are different from you politically?

Be friends but refuse to mention politics?

Talk politics but agree that you will remain friends. Even if you find their views really offensive?


So I'm asking h2g2, what do you do?

Avoid talking politics with them.

If they start, try not to giggle and point.

It's best to break the ice.

Make some sort of statement about you know you'll never agree on politics as you hand them a drink.

When my parents first took over managing a pub dad told me never to talk about politics, religion or football when behind the bar.

I still don't discuss those subjects


lil x

Yes, but do you still get the rounds in?

No!

I have this a lot! Firstly, with family, so I can't really refuse to be friends with them. After a few erm...heated debates, we've agreed not to discuss politics.

Secondly, with my best friend, who is a Christian, while I am an athiest. We politely listen to each other's point of view, I am open to hearing her thoughts, but we do so in an atmosphere of avoiding any "I'm right, you're wrong". But we can discuss politics, so yay!

Politics covers a lot of different issues. It's hard to imagine a situation where there are *no* grounds for agreement. Even the most liberal of us find high taxes painful if they force us to give up things we like. Conservatives are not heartless beasts. Most of them love their spouses and children dearly. If they own businesses, they respect the ablest of their employees and wish them the best in their personal lives. There are very few, left right or center, who would want to live in a world where murder is condoned.

But, yes, there are strong opinions for and against war, abortion, and many other issues. I have a dear friend who apparently spends a lot of time watching the Fox network and/or reading a rather mean-spirited local newspaper. I can usually steer the conversation to areas where our views are fairly close.

I'm lucky, though. I haven't known any Marxists or anarchists since my college days. It takes a *lot* more work to find common ground when I spend time people of those political persuasions. H2G2 had a researcher [now departed] who argued for Marxist positions, but he also was a loving father who resented it when people attacked his daughter.

The inviolate rule is 'Never argue politics or religion with a friend'.

Deke

I'm always arguing politics with my friends: never seems to cause issues. We have an agreement that if ad hominems start flying, we shut the topic down. It's never been an issue for me. I draw the line at the far-right though: I won't be friends with anyone who has voted for the BNP.

Religion is a different kettle of fish: I steer clear of religion at all costs.

I don't really know that many Tories/conservatives. A lot of people I know who have conservative social attitudes are bigots, so I don't tend to discuss politics with them. I met a few free-marketeers studying economics at uni, and they were up there with Marxists, Christians and conspiracy theorists in their ability to listen, empathise, and general willingness to listen to other sides of an argument.

As for religion, I'm a devout atheist and my best friend's a confirmed deist. We have many, long, often drunken, conversations about religion and evolution. Never any rancour; actually it's one of the reasons we became friends.

Perhaps the greatest barrier to friendships,
the greatest divide between individuals, is
their taste in music.

Acoustic space is inviolate. Two kinds of music
cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

Curiously, everyone has some interest in music
and each favours a particular style or genre.

I never could understand Christian rock. It's an
oxymoronic concept. Like washing your feet
with your socks on or using condoms.


~jwf~

NO two people are the same. Some people can be friends. Some people have too many friends. Some people have too few friends.

Given that we all have opinions; it may be hard to remember that our opinion may stink.
Just as it is impolite to *break wind,* airing an opinion does require tack.

*Polite* and *Tack* are ideas that vary considerably with different circumstances.

One policy I have is that a *Friend* must be able to understand what my opinions are without necessarily accepting them as their own, and I must be able to do the same in return.

The rub seems to be when the subject is so polar that the *Friend* has an opinion that is so unacceptable that the choice becomes; one, argue it out, two, separate, or three, bottle the emotion up [to explode another day].

Given the title of this thread, with a friend I need to be able to express myself without the need to change my friend.

To take the idea a bit further, I should add that in today’s climate the left and the right seem to be more and more polar. It is so polar in many political camps that the *other side* looks to be down right immoral. When views become that polar, ANYTHING the *other side* may try to discuss will seem offensive.

WARS have been brought for less.

AE

There aren't many political points of view that would make it impossible for me to be friends someone (there are some though, I suppose). I've never found it much of an issue with friends. But on some occasions I do bite my tongue, yes. There are times when you know neither is going to change the other's mind, so agreeing to disagree is less tiresome.

With family the issue doesn't arise. None of my family are prone to strongly held political views.

And if you believe that one, I'll tell you another.

Adults should be able to discuss anything without arguing and behaving badly about having a different point of view.

Anyone who can't is not an adult and you should just not discuss certain subjects in front of children.

I think you're talking about the Platonic Ideal kind of adult, rather than the real ones who live all around us. Children seldom reach the lofty heights of childishness that adults habitually occupy.

I am pretty overtly political, but have friends with views across the spectrum. Not really too much of a problem for me, after a bit you learn what the "red lines" are about which debate ceases to be fun.

For my talking politics is much more interesting with people who disagree with oyu provided you can all be constructive and civil.

FB

Lest we forget, the term 'parliament' is from
the French verb 'parler', meaning to talk.

Talk, talk, talk. Until someone gives in.
Or compromise is achieved.


~jwf~

It depends how much i care about the issue- if its something that i disagree with I usually debate but somethings I feel so passionately about i tend to ignore and talk randomly about something else least I ruin a perfectly good evening by lecturing my friends or get upset!

My cousins wife is Mexican (and wealthy) and has a view of the poor, women and the need for things to be chemically clean that I find intolerable. Our overall outlook is so different I have to put it down to culturl differences and steer the conversation away from politics.

90% of politics consists of people agreeing on the objective, but disagreeing on the best way to achieve it. Let's take education as an example. Most people agree that education is a Good Thing and that we want children to have a Good Education. Now, within those parameters there is almost infinite scope for debate on the best way to do it. Some favour a comprehensive system, some favour a grammar school/ secondary school model, the role of faith schools, and blah-de-blah-de-blah. All of these things have their pros and cons and can make for an interesting discussion.

*However*, if someone were to hold that education is a bad idea and that we shouldn't educate kids at all, then there wouldn't be much point talking about which is the best way to do it. There has to be at least a common frame of reference.