h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, I need some creative ways to make someone suffer. I am started a guide entry on this, and I am doing some research. I also think its time to take out some aggression, people, cause I am sure you have plenty to rant and rave about.

Rat
(god this h2g2 is addictive....)

If the sufferer is female, gain access to her wardrobe and cut the stitching at the waist of all her dresses so that when she puts them on, she thinks she's put on weight and split the seams. Cut a couple of stitches in socks and sweaters so that they will ladder.Don't obviously destroy anything - just subtly ruin everything.

Oooooh. I've got a really good one, but I'm too busy right now to type it all out. I'll let you know in a couple of days...

There are all those classic ways to make people suffer like putting fish in hard to get places so they stink the place out. Is that what you wanted, revenge or real nasty suffering? Because this string might turn violent in that case.

String? Erm... isn't it s'posed to be called a thread?

Hmmm, speaking of which... find someone who's really pedantic and start mixing using 'your' when you mean 'you're', interchanging 'their', 'there' and 'they're', and putting apostrophes in the wrong place (try 'Its really difficult to take it's advice seriously, when it sounds like R2D2.') Then stand well back...

Or, find a juggler, and say all the things which people *always* say to jugglers: 'I can only do two', 'Why don't you set them on fire?', 'Those aren't sharp!', 'How many can you juggle? Only that many?', etc, etc. Be warned: knife jugglers, in particular, should be avoided when trying this.

26199

Don't ever look them in the eye. Always look at a point 2 ft. to the left

Take up Kung Fu. I could make you suffer.

Hmmm...should I take Kung Fu? Sure, in a few weeks we can have a match. I happen to be a kung fu champion-actually I happen to be a better kickboxer. Hiiii-yaahhh
Okay, back to the real world(whatever that means)
How about this one: Unleash a bunch of really horny dogs when said person is in a confined area-then sit back(in a safe area, no doubt) and watch the humping.
Ok, not that funny. I have lots of creative ones(really unrealistic ones) but those are the ones I want, and they are always the best. Come on guys(and girls) lets think really warped, really demented-cause I sorta have to start my project and will come back later with some good ones to amuse you all.

rat

Haha, now that would be great. I'd pay to see that!

If you're in a meeting for a company or association, make sure to read up closely on all the legal nitty-gritty and then take every chance to demand secret vote or delay / tear up decisions for any legaly valid reason you can think of.

Always talk slightly too loud and slightly too slow, and invade the victim's natural integrity zone just an inch.

When you're having a perfectly harmless conversation with someone and a third person enters the room, start and say "Oh, we weren't talking about you".

Here's one that is a slightly more refined version of looking 2 feet to the left of someone: look at everything that isn't them. Not constant eye movement, but make sure that, over the course of the conversation, you make eye contact with at least 5 different things that are in no way related to the person you're talking to. Also, if it's a guy you're trying to harrass, stare at his chest. Someone did this to me once, and it's very, very odd.

Pop a couple of their keyboard keys off and switch them around, like 'm' and 'n' or '+' and '-'.

The Insert, Home, PGUP, Delete End, and PGDN keyse between the number pad and the regular QWERTY keybaord are especially good for this.

One way is to make them use this bloody network I am on. It is at Durham university and the data transfer speed is somewhere around 1 kbit per year!

One kbit per year? What OS does it use?

Royal Mail?

(Sorry, that was the best I could come up with )

26199

NT
Same network.... not as slow for me, though...
And from time to time it feels like Royal mail....

I am suddenly reminded of UDP, (a set of rules for sending data on the internet or other networks): you can't guarantee when, or if, information will arrive, and you're never sure it's going to get there in the right order.

Very much like Royal Mail .

(Although by all accounts, other places in Europe don't fare much better... I once sent a fairly large parcel, a load of ancient computer games, in fact, to France, and they sent it *all the way back* because they *couldn't get into the building*)

26199

How does this one soundshould I add it to my collection-just thought of it)
Tie a person up, and then expose as much skin of theirs as possible without going blind. Roll the person on very rough carpet until they get carpet burn in all the worst places.

I especially like the one with speaking too low or high at intervals. I will try that. I always do the staring thing usually-it hasnt freaked anyone out yet.

rat

Here's one from *The Cowboy Way* (for a male). Tie them up with their pants down in a pen with a starving calf...

3

haahahahahhahahahha

(picks herself off the floor)

funny.

-rat

Sew someones eyelid's open and force-feed them sleeping pills.