h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't you just love children, and the way they view the world?

My six year old daughter was looking at a bean plant we had planted just a couple of weeks ago, which has sprouted up to about six inches. She remarked on how it has grown from such a small seed to such a big plant.

I said it was like her - she was once a small seed, and has grown up into a big child.

She looked at me. "It's like you, as well. You were a seed. Then you were a baby. Then you were a boy. Now you're a parent!"

Sometimes it feels like that's how it was - but I'm sure I must have had a life between being a boy and a parent!

hi

i had the 'pleasure' of bathing my 3 year old grandaughter last week.

after the mandatory play with the bubbles and toys, we got down to the serious stuff.
with a soap filled sponge, i washed her body and arms and legs with no problem at all.

then it came to doing her face.
i was told in no uncertain terms that i didnt need to do it as mommy had already done it with a wipe, the other day.

guess who had her face washed

One of my twins (2 years old) has a fascination with hills and mountains. Every time he sees even a small hill in the landscape he starts shouting "mountain" to me.

I was changing him for bed some weeks back (he was lying down) when he suddenly saw the little protruberance between his legs. He attracted my attention, pointed to it and gleefully shouted "mountain"!

Ok it was funny at the time...

When my nephews were boys we heard the unmistakable thud of arrows being fired into a wall. Of course they ran upon hearing us walking up the stairs and the we all had them caught, the first boy to say anything said, "It wasn't me, and I was not the only one!"

That reminds me a little of another gem, from my other daughter, aged about 3 1/2 at the time.

She'd started eating an apple, and wandered off upstairs with it. She reappeared a minute or so later, without the apple.

"Have you eaten all that apple?" I asked.

"Yes" she replied, "but don't look in the bin in your bedroom!"

When my niece was 3, we were playing "house." She decided we were going to have jelly on toast for breakfast, but said we first had to go to the beach because we were out of jelly. I couldn't figure that one out until she explained that we had to find jellyfish and squeeze them to get the jelly! She was hoping that we'd find grape ones!

we went to see 'E' today.

at one point it was rather warm and sunny and we were sitting outside with a tub of bubbles and enjoying them float away

she suddenly realised that grandad wasnt there and called him out to see us.

i now have to backtrack a bit to the england/portugal game in the world cup or whatever game it was. to annoy him, i got her to sing 'portugal.....'and he was playing along with it and sort of telling her off and she should be singing 'england.....'

now back to today...
the minute grandad appeared at the door. she shouted 'portugal...'
which being about 4 months after the match was pretty good at remembering
we were all stunned as we couldnt remember what it was she meant.
when we did we were all in hysterics.

Mrs SWL's kid's word when he was a toddler was "dirty". He was forever being told not to touch things 'cos they were dirty. One day, gran and grandad came to visit and he took great pride in giving them a guided tour of the house pointing out everything that was "dirty", "dirty", "dirty"

Walking junior home from the park, passed a guy pushing a bloke in a wheelchair..."LOOK DADDY, ITS LOU AND ANDY" (Little Britain) says the youngest at the top of his voice.

My ma has some cassettes of me and my brothers from when we were tiny. She's recently dug them out and tonight I had a listen to my tape.

"Suzy went into the house and the mother and dad were dead. She went back out and came back in and they were *still* dead. She went out and plodded back in. Were they dead? They were just really, really mad. Or really, really cross."

Incredibly morbid child.

J said to me the other day that if you wear anything with rubber on it, anything at all then perverts come out. Or prostitutes.

Well, I thought it was funny... Frankly I'm quite glad that perverts come out when I'm wearing rubber.

while seeing 'E' today, she was asking about the time of day and what time was it right then.

grandad was being silly and making up kinds of 'times'.
so i corrected him and told 'E' that it was really 10 to 12.

she turned round and told him rather forcefully ......
'you dont know much. do you?'

after the initial shock of her statement, we were all

It is a family story that one evening my father invited his boss to dinner. I was four at the time. He was a very large man both in girth and height, and as I was introduced to him, it is alleged that I said, "my have you grown since I last saw you!"

my 4 year old nephew has sme classics.

I was talking to his dad the other day on the phone when he asked for some juice with his dinner...in a minute brother says..to which nephew replies, well hurry daddy up im dehydrating!

My 3 year old niece accused me of "crushing my spleen" when I hugged her too hard!

'E' was in fine form today.

we were talking about her daddy. who is my partners son. (nothing to do with me
she couldnt quite grasp that her daddy was grandads son.
she said "he isnt your son, he is just a bloke!!!"
the only way she would accept it was when we said that when her daddy was small he i was grandads son then. but not now he is grown up..

she also spends quite a while with my brush and comb and insists that every time she combs my hair, she is the one who makes it grow long and marvels about the length

I remember once I was in Burger King and a small child came tearing out of the toilets and shouted "mummy, mummy, I done a wee all by myself!"

And he was 17

*looks around to check VV isn't in this thread*

One day, when she was about four, VV was out walking with her Grandad and his eldest brother, John. As they wandered through the fields, VV decided to hold a discussion on Uncle John's grandson, David.

VV: "Grandad, David says off"

Grandad: "Does he love?"

VV: "Yes! And it's very naughty to say off, isn't it Grandad"

Grandad: "Yes, love it is very naughty"

VV: "Coz off is a very naughty word and you shouldn't say it, should you Grandad?"

Grandad: "That's right love.. you shouldn't say it because it is a naughty word"

VV: "I don't say off, do I Grandad?"

Grandad: "No love"


Uncle John: "Out of the mouths of babes!"


The little madam had managed to say it about half a dozen time, all done in such a way she couldn't be told off about it..

My boy some years back, when meningitis was being mentioned a lot in the papers, asked me if it was the sequel to 'Men In Black'

After i explained to him what meningitis was, he said why would Will Smith want to make a film about that