h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

....scratch their bits in public?

Not all men do; some have somewhat more decorum

I'd like to meet one!

see #1 for answer...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR' rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
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1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

"1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that"

If it itches - either wash it more regularly or get it treated

but why do they have to do it so obviously?

YOU try scratching them without drawing attention to yourself, it's not easy you know! They're right out front so it's hard for people not to notice.

The thing that women have to realise is this:
We don't do it on purpose. We don't think "Hmm, what will really get on her nerves? I know- I'll scratch me sack". It's an involuntary movement, as essential as breathing. And yes, we do realise that this can cause potential embarrasment for the lady that we are with, but we don't understand why. I'm the one scratching- why are you embarrased? If you were scratching my bits, then there would be something to talk about.....

Anyway. Rant/ kinda apology over. Go play.

Then don't scratch 'em in public- women get itches there too you know, do you see us having a good rummage around?

well said!!!!!

I only asked the question, coz I was looking out of my window at work, and this man (not a pretty one), parted his legs, bent his knees a little, and hey ho! off he went........at it like there was no tomorrow!

Not without paying

the scratching i can cope with (just). its the rearrangemnt of said bits from one side to the other that i have have a problem with

It's complicated down there. We don't do it for fun, you know.

Thankyou for reminding me why I love h2g2.

*scratch

No.

That's just disturbing.

hey girls.......put your hand up if you find it an attractive quality in a man!

Y'know, every time I look back at this thread, I notice my hand starts moving southward.... instead of discouraging me, you've inspired me!

Ahh, scratching bliss

Ahem.

I'm glad you put that second line in!!!!