h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*passes Winnoch an *
Nerve tonic, mate!


Just last week, a friend of mine who works at another park called me up, said they had a camper call our Division Headquarters and complain (loudly, and at great length) that the park's bathrooms were dirty.

It turned out, after an investigation involving the Park Superintendent, the Regional Manager, and various muckety mucks from HQ, that the guy who cleaned restrooms that morning forgot to change the date on the "This restroom last cleaned" sign. No mess, no smell, no unsanitary conditions...just a sign that didn't get marked.

Undoubtedly, this camper also complains when state funds are wasted... like when major investigations are held over NOTHING!

People!

Some people need to get an itemized bill for the ruckus they caused....

Wouldn't that be nice!

I talked to an employee of a big electrical retailer in the UK once and he said the policy is semi-flexible.

If the product was bought as a gift and hasn't been opened, it can be returned if: The person already has one, but not if they didn't like it.

However, most electrical purchass can be reutned (unopened) for a full cash refund up to 14 days after purchase.

I guess he was talking about returns outside the 14 day window.

I'm completely with you Winnoch.

We will take back a copy of a new CD if it's unopened and give a store credit. If it's opened we'll buy it back off you. The most we pay is $5 a disc, and very few titles are accorded that accolade. Since we often get people bringing back CDs which they paid $18 for and realised they already had when they got home or just didn't like when they played it, that leads to a few fraught situations.

If the CD is faulty, we'll exchange it for another new copy OF THE SAME TITLE. We're not a lending library, we're a business.

Typical comments:

'But I only bought it last week'
Time is of no consequence. Whether you bought it last week or three years ago, that copy of Hootie and The Blowfish is going into our warehouse to sit with the other 300 copies we have of the same title, which are all equally unlikely to sell. That's why we'll only offer to pay you $0.05 for it, even though you were dumb enough to shell out $11.99 for a new copy

'But I've come all the way from Waco!'
I'm sorry mate, we don't pay mileage. It's a shame that you came here to buy your CD instead of a local store. If you want to travel 100 miles to buy a CD, we're flattered that you'd come that far just to visit little old us, but don't expect us to pay for your gas.

^. .^
= ' =

There is one exception I can think of: computer games.

I've found most stores have the following policy;

If you didn't bother to read the minimum specs and can't run the game, no refund but store credit.

However, if your computer meets min spec and the game still won't run, they will give you either a cash refund or an exchange for a different product.

I discovered this after buying a game (which shall remain nameless) that would not run properly on my PC, which more than met the spec. It was a brand new game too.

I first checked the website which said:

"Yeah, we know the game has probmels running on the industry standard graphic chip set, and the second most popular chip set.... and the third most common chip set."

No sign of a "Here's the patch." Not even a "We are working on a patch." Just "Yeah, we know there's a problem."

So I took it back.

I know it's been done before, but I feel this is an appropriate time to remind people of http://www.actsofgord.com

Love the Gord, fear the Gord

I felt a bit like The Gord today - three shopping days to Christmas and no extra staff laid on Damn glad I'm not working there again until the weekend

May The Gord live long and prosper....

*sigh* - after a big retail rant hit

Thank you reddyfreddy for introducing me to Gord... read it with appalled fascination in between bouts of work (slow day today, in the run-in to Christmas). Every time I got bored with typing up routine reports and transcripts of staff interviews, refreshed my mind with a quick read of Gord's wisdom. (Gods, I learnt more about human nature and about the mind-set of one canny store owner on this website than in...)

OK, so Gord comes out as a guy who is (i) there to make a honest living and have some fun along the way; (ii) will deal fairly with people who deal fairly with him; (iii) doesn't like Welfare claimants very much but is happy to take their money (if he doesn't like the way they're blowing their dole cheques on perceived inessentials, then to be consistent, he should refuse to take their money?)and (iv) is switched on to the self-serving weasel ways of humanity.

A grim view, though: customers as self-serving selfish ignorant scumbags. He doesn't say if they're a majority or a minority of the people he deals with, though? (Although the scumbags linger longer in the memory, I guess)

Without giving away any confidences, I work in healthcare administration, and one of a million little jobs that make up the big picture is taking staff phone calls and logging reasons why Person X is unable to come into work today.

My all-time favourite excuse for absence came from a lady I shall refer to as "Doris Stokes", for reasons which will become clear and apparent.

Doris rang me mid-morning to tell me she was unable to come into work that afternoon. I waited and gave her the silent prompt, nothing was forthcoming, so I nudged her and said "Look, I've got to tell A----- (our line manager) you won't be in, and she'll need to know a reason"

Doris then told me; "I went to see a psychic last night. She told me that today was going to be a really unlucky day, and if I left the house or went to work I'd have an accident. So I can't come in to work, I'm staying at home"

Sometimes you get stopped full in your tracks by the unexpected and the off the wall... I said "I see. Thank you, Doris. I'll inform A-----"

It was hard to keep a straight face, but I managed it. I passed the message on, and A----- answered "Did she say anything about this psychic warning her that a short familiar redhead is going to rip her arms off and slap her around the face with the soggy ends? No? Can't have been much of a psychic, then."

(A----- is a petite redhead)

You have to admit, it's an incredible excuse!

I wonder if it occurred to her that in giving a really stupid excuse for not coming in to work might get her fired, thus fulfilling the psychic's prophesy?

I worked at a dtore where this guy was hired. He worked the first day and then failed to show the next. They called his home, but there was no answer. He failed to show the next day.... and the next.... and the next.... They stopped calling after Day Two AWOL.

On the following Monday, he walked in as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The owner called him in and asked him why he was there. "Ummm, because you hired me...."

"Well, yes, but when you failed to show up and there didn't seem to be any explanation, we kind of figured you weren't coming back."

"Well, I just didn't feel like coming in last week."

"Well, hired someone else."

Apparently, he was really surprised to learn that employers really didn't like it when you simply didn't show up for an entire week. In fact, it came as a surprise that an employer would and could fire you for not showing up for a week.....

As The Gord would say "You may leave now..."

Your AWOL guy reminds me of my sister, who in the 1980s, got a job, but decided that she wanted to stay home with her children after all, so she rang the employer on the morning she was supposed to start work to tell her 'I've changed my mind.' (What she did to other women with children who want to work, but whose potential employers wouldn't even hire mothers of babies after that, I shudder to think!)
I must follow the link, and check out 'Gord'. (I didn't have time yesterday, and can't today - sigh.)
I am *so* glad I work in education, pre-schools are better than shops...especially now.

i do'nt think i've ever had any really weird/awful customers
not that i've been working for that long...
there were a couple of strange ones when i was working in the stationery shop...but most people here seem lovely...
^. .^
= ' =

Most shops are stationary oh sorry

Returning to the returns policy thing.. when i first started working at my current job, i was a little surprised at the no refunds unless faulty/mis-sold policy, but the longer i live with it, the more sense it makes(well from a business point of view, anyway!)

I used to think that we would get a bad name, as 'the shop you cannae get yer money back from', and this would, over time lose us money, but in reality i doubt this is the case, as apart from the fact that very few people actually request refunds, and therefore have a problem with our policy (though occasionally a customer wont buy because they know they cant change their mind), we would lose far more money from people trying out things, then bringing them back. We would end up with some days, especially in the dead period in Feb- April, when we might actually have a negative amount of money taken for the day

Our staff have no problem enforcing the rule either, as although we are not in any way a hard sell, pushy type shop(far from it, we are a pretty laid back family firm)we, never the less,all have daily targets to meet, and our sales performance is measured in various ways. Negative amounts look very bad!!

Have I ranted about my recent attempt to buy furniture? We're talking Germany 2003 here and the economy is in a bad state and anyone willing to make a large purchase is surely welcome and sought after.

So our living room has been extended and completely redecorated. Despite having lived together for over 25 years,we have never actually had proper furniture in our living area. We have chucked all the old stuff out and are really serious about spending a large sum to finally buy ourselves furniture suitable for the established and stolid family we have unwittingly become.

We drew up a sketch of the room on graph paper and went to our local furniture shop (who had kitted out both our dining room and my husband's office in recent years.) It's a family business and quite up market considering we're very rural around here.

We walked around that showroom for about 3/4 hour brandishing our graph paper and looking at lounge arrangements (we will be needing both the suite and a shelving system). Once or twice we saw an assistant disappearing round a corner just ahead of us (like the White Rabbit) and even saw and heard one assistant asking another couple if they required assistance.

Eventually we were worn out and left.

The company I work for also produces furniture. I checked on the internet to find out who else sells the particular make that had tickled our fancy and found a few others nearby. I asked my colleague who draws up the sales price lists how much mark-up they have. It turned out that there is another shop with a considerably lower rate, and if their retail prices have the same relationship to the cost prices for all suppliers then that can be applied to their lounge furniture too.

So now we're going to spend a not inconsiderable four-figure sum at the other shop. (We have been there and looked around and finally decided on something else. The assistant sat down for a good while with us at a desk discussing details and took a lot of trouble despite the Christmas rush)

My methods are probably immoral, but this is just to warn you what happens when you don't ask people if they need help. If there had been anyone to ask I might have asked them to help us, but after about half an hour we couldn't be bothered. If you are working on a commission basis, it could be important.

Do not ignore people with graph paper!