h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

keep inside.. well.. is outside most days (he's the only one in the house with a fur coat). He's 7 years now, he'll survive.

Much depends on where you live, your particular situation. It's up to the individual and individual's cat, natch.

I think I must have the worlds most weirdest cat.
He is a Ginger Tom called Jack, that has the loudest snoring problem, worse still if he's hungry he'll sit by the side of me so I can't hear the telly, and won't go away until I feed him, oh yea he also tries to sit on my head when I'm sleeping for the same reason

If I'm outside washing my car he's like my shaddow following me around, until a dog comes by that is because I'm quickly forgotten and he's off chasing the poor thing, Last time was an Alsation, he went ing up the road followed by Jack.

If he's in the house though he's un the window lying on his back, with his feet in the air he is sooo funny

I could go on all night about jacks antics but I wouldn't want to bore anyone so I'll quit qhile I'm ahead.

CHeEky

Good heavens, Big Red, where do you live?! My cat (the one with the abcesses that burst) is nearly 17 years old and has lived most of his life outdoors! I find him cuddling the radiators in the winter, but only after it has got dark, other than that he is the erstwhile King of the neighbourhood. Age has made him relinquish that title to some younger cats on his patch, but he gets on with them OK.

We have foxes about the neighbourhood, but that is probably the only thing bigger than him. He has always stood up for himself, and has had many abcesses (how do you spell that word?!), and I know they are risky things, but HE knows when he's got one, and so he lets me know too, so I can treat it.

I shall miss him when he goes, and I suppose that is probably not in the long distant future now either.

Take care Universal Granny

May I speak about my cat? (I'm afraid he will hurt me if I don't!)
This cat I speak of, is 'beanhead'...no one named him this he has just always been 'beanhead'.
Like all cats, he disappears into some unknown world and maims anything in his path...
He has a slight cult following...
And I fear he may be in league with vampires or something to that effect..
He is a charcoal grey color...mixed with black..and green eyes
He is less than a year old.
He is beanhead!
Thanks!

Nice name for a cat, but then I like anything with the word Bean in it

Surely us s are as individual as you people.

Join the F.M.A. or give me a reason not to!!!

Going to go to sleep with my head up my tail now, but share these with your moggies.

My cat, R.I.P., Chloe, who died earlier this year was freaky.

Che was 17 and going deaf and stuff, but she used to have 'mads'. OK, to explain a 'mad' I'm going to have to tell you something about cats. Mother cats, when they've found food for their kittens, they meow really loud but it sounds mmore like a 'ROOOOOAAAAAWWWWWWW' if you understand that. Anyways, Chloe was desexed ever since we foundher and her Mum in a dump years ago, she was still a kitten at the time.

So, when we got our new cat, Cami, (who is also very weird, but mostly stupid) we got a whole lot of mice toys. Chloe used to find these in the middle of the night and start doing the really loud ROOOOAAAAWWWWW thing, waking the rest of us up. Then, we started hiding them, and she still did it without them.

The funny thing was, se started doing it in the day too, and if you'd walk in on her, she'd have the mouse in her mouth and be trying to ROOOAAAWWWWW through that or she'd have it at her feet and be playing with it. The really funny thing was when she saw u she'd be like a human who's just been sprung doig soemthing embarassing, she'd give you this look of "who was doing that?" while pushing the toy away with her foot and then she'd get up and stalk away.

Chloe also used to go running around for no reason outside. Like, we'd just look out onto the decking and there'd be this black and white thing just running around in freaky shapes, like, she'd run one way for a while, and then suddenly decide there was a corner there and suddenly turn to run a different way.

Cami, one of our other cats, is afraid of EVERYTHING. When we got a new rug it has a border on all four sides, she was fine with it on three sides, but then she had to jump the border on just one side.

There's more stupid sutff cats I've known do, but I think this is long enough alreayd, and I should be doing homework.

Cat

One reason 'outdoor' cats don't live as long is road kills. One of our first two cats, Houdini, lived up to his name by escaping from anywhere we put him. He escaped once too often and was killed by a passing car. He didn't even make it to 1 year old. His brother, Joey, had to be put to sleep this year at the grand age of 12. The vet said that 12 years old was a good age for any cat, and my copy of Catwatching by Desmond Morris says that cats typically have an average lifespan of 12-15 years. So Joey didn't do too badly.

Joey was getting lonely, so we got another cat to keep him company. Jenny's kidneys failed when she was 4 years old and she had to be put to sleep. It was the first time I'd had a pet put to sleep and I cried my eyes out. She produced one litter of kittens before we had her neutered, one of which we kept. Bonnington is now 10 years old and still going strong.

All our cats are/were outdoor cats. Put the ages of the three that have died together, taking Houdini's as 0, and you get an average age at death of 5.333 years. But only one of those deaths can be directly attributed to the fact that the cat was an 'outdoor' cat. Bonnington is the most 'outdoor' of all our cats and he's in great shape. He'd go mental if you tried to keep him indoors.

Another point that springs to mind is whether the figures for 'outdoor' cats include strays. Cats that have to live by their wits on whatever scraps they can pick up, or animals they can kill, probably aren't going to live as long as cossetted indoor cats.

Some cats are happy being kept indoors. Others like to spend time outdoors. It depends on the cat and the kind of life they led when they were young. We always gave our cats the choice and they opted for outdoors - except when the weather was bad, whereupon they instantly became indoor cats.

Our cat twice crapped in the kitchen sink, apparently vey carefully trying to pass the parcel down the plughole.
We had another one, briefly , that used to like sitting on top of the plastic cover on my record turntable, watching the vinyl go round.
She wandered out one morning and was never seen again...

Before Black (name and colour) we had Grey (name and colour). Grey was the only son of the neighbour's cat who was raped by every cat around on her first night out at the age of 9 months. When Grey was 9 months old he beat the out of his mother. When Grey was about two years the other cats ran off as soon as he stepped out into the backyard. He then started to fight dogs. I had to explain dog-cat relations to a mad dog owner about every month. Then Grey started to fight bicycles. He lost his first fight: he gave up with a broken front leg. The vet couldn't work for three days because Grey's front teeth went clear through his right hand. I told the vet I was sorry, afterwards I told Grey I was proud of him.
Grey did not eat the birds he caught.. he could play with them for hours. He left them in the backyard when they stopped moving. I called him Pol-Pot for a while when I found the stack of bird skulls.
After several more fights (dogs, cats, bicycles) Grey decided to fight a car. That was too much. He died fighting, the car took also damage but survived, I hit the owner when he came to complain but he also survived. Grey was 6 years old then.

Hi, Gran. I lived in a suburb in Jacksonville, Fla., on a quiet street. All but two of the 10 or so cats we had there over the years disappeared or were found dead. One of the two survivors was hit by a car, but injured only in the face (broken jaw, etc.). The other lived to be nearly 17 years old, fat and sassy.

I used to have a copy of "Catwatching" too, which I loved! Bought it in Cambridge on a visit to England. Loaned it to a "friend" who never returned it, and I've since moved to another state. People who don't return books!!

good that you did not loan him/her your

Good point! But he had plenty of his own. His arms were always covered with scratches!

Another vet has made the mistake of trying to give Splodge an injection, she is getting neutered today and not thrilled with the idea. At least the vet will heal quite quickly

My favorite cat cartoon is one in which a vet, a woman and a cat are in the vet's office, which is in terrible disarray, as is the vet. Pictures on the wall askew, things on the counter knocked over, the vet's clothes in tatters. The vet is holding out a bottle of pills and says to the woman, "Now, just give him three of these each day."

I'm sure you have all seen this one - perhaps it was even posted here before? (sorry, can't be @rsed to check back). Anyhow, it's quite funny, I think.


How to Give a Cat a Pill



1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.



2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.



4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.



5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden.



6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.



9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-aid to partner's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.



10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.



11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.



12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.



13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.



14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.



15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.






How to Give a Dog a Pill




1. Wrap pill in bacon. Feed to dog.




az

My cats are all indoor cats, as I live in a flat on the third floor so they cannot easily go out. And really, it's quite fine for them as I have six balconies so the cats can sit out there most of the year and get fresh air.

I have Lua (13) a siamese, her son Sunny (10), who is also part burman (and thinks he is a dog) and my street rescue cat Azar (8) who is jet black and gorgeous, with yellow eyes and the biggest ears I have ever seen on a cat. I have spoken about Sunny and Azar here before.

Everyone tells me that my cats are totally weird. Lua because she loves to 'talk' (actually, she squawks), Sunny because he thinks he is a dog, and Azar because he is soooooo enigmatic. I don't think they are weird at all. They are cats! And each one with a very distinct personality.

I don't know what I'd do without them.



az

azahar, they sound realy intresting. real life soap with s, never a dull moment